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Charcuterie

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Juice, Dec 15, 2023.

  1. Juice

    Juice
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    Need to make a charcuterie board for Christmas. For those that have more experience, what are the must-haves? My only must-have is a ghost pepper salami that I can get from a local butcher. Otherwise I don't know shit about cheeses and such.
     
  2. Binary

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    I like having a variety of textures. Having a goat cheese, brie (or another soft cheese but I like brie), and then a hard salty cheese is nice. Even just an aged cheddar is fine but you can't go wrong with parmesan either. In life, I mean - there's basically no life situation which isn't improved with the addition of aged parmesan. I'm not into funky cheeses though a lot of people like them.

    If you want to appear super fancy but without a ton of effort, serve a baked brie with jam with the board. The baked brie is a bit of a mess when it cools down, though, so that really only works if everyone is going to eat at the same time; if the board will be left out for a couple hours it's not as good.

    Texture applies to the crackers too - something like a thick wheat cracker, and then a thin crispy one.

    Fresh fruit (e.g. grapes), dried fruit (I especially like apricots), and pickles and/or pickled vegetables add some sweet and sour.

    Fill it in with some cured meats.

    How big are you going?
     
  3. Kubla Kahn

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    Prosciutto or capocollo. I kind of like semi exotic wild game terrines as something different. I like sharp cheeses, creamy less vinegary blues, Gruyère, and usually a salty sweet goat cheese with fruity sauce cherry or cranberry. I honestly don’t fuck around with crackers or bread spreads. Hate olives but gherkin pickles and pickled red onions can be fun.
     
  4. GTE

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    Done.
     

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  5. xrayvision

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    Throw some medjool dates on that bitch. You wanna up the game on that? Order some from Bateel. Expensive but worth it.
     
  6. Aetius

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    Soppresatta is an underrated salumi.
     
  7. GTE

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    The wife's theory is that it's less what's on the plate and more the presentation.
     

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  8. Juice

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    8 adults, couple kids. They're not adventurous eaters at all. apricots is good idea. Marcona almonds are usually a board staple with our group as well. Trying to spruce it up though because my parents have the palette of a golden retriever. They could eat the same shit every single day and not care.
     
  9. sisterkathlouise

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    I think you should find a friendly cheese counter employee at a higher end grocery store and just have them feed you a bunch of samples until you come up with a nice variety of textures and flavors. I feel like that’s how I learned how to put together a cheese board.

    But if you want some specific recommendations, Delice de Bourgogne is a widely available triple cream Brie that’s mild but suuuuper creamy and delicious. Parrano is a Gouda with strong parm vibes but a smoother texture that’s good for crackers/bread. Manchego is a solid option if you want a sheep cheese without much sheepy funk.

    If you have a Trader Joe’s near you, they have a lot of options that hit the reasonably priced/tasty/accessible to lots of palates trifecta, not to mention some solid options for nuts and olives and crackers.

    I also like to have a fig jam or similar with my charcuterie spreads. And thinly sliced apple and pear. And if you have the time, making some quick pickled veggies is fun, I like dilly asparagus and spicy green beans.
     
  10. NatCH

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    Two words: Hormel Pepperoni.
     
  11. AFHokie

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    Vienna sausages
     
  12. Juice

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    TJs is exactly where we ended up going for most of it. We also did a small blind wine tasting with it. Had a local wine shop pick 4 bottles at random and brown bag them. We only told them the 4 different price points and had them write the wines down on an answer key and had all participants guess. I'm only posting here because both my parents passed out at 6:30 lol.
     
  13. sisterkathlouise

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    What’s the verdict on the wine? I bought a really exciting looking croatian red to bring to an event but I can’t drink it because red wine gives me hives now. Stupid shitty body.
     
  14. Juice

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    We had a $6 bottle, $20 bottle, $50 bottle and $80 bottle. The $20 bottle was the overwhelming favorite.
     
  15. Rush-O-Matic

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    Do you have a good doctor? Sometimes you can take an otc antihistamine to prevent the hives. Also, some allergies are cyclical so re-check after 7 years-ish. So, you can ask your doctor.
     
  16. sisterkathlouise

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    It's not an allergy so much as a histamine reaction, at least that's the working theory. But I already take daily antihistamines. I can double down and kind of get away with it but then I feel like I need to go to bed IMMEDIATELY. I've been getting hives randomly ever since I had a baby, but red wine is the only thing that is consistently a problem.
     
  17. GTE

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    A blind taste test is how I learned I don't have a great palette. Threw a wine party where everyone brought a wrapped bottle and then we ranked them on a little score sheet. There was expensive bottle that everyone raved about, I ranked it dead last and said it tasted like gas station wine.
     
  18. Rush-O-Matic

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    Mmm, gas station wine.
     
  19. Aetius

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