"By the power of Cthulhu and the great Old Ones, I will my mother's hand to be welded to Mike Holmes'. I WILL IT! IA! IA! CTHULHU F'THAGN!!!"
Judging by their reactions, the children knew from the first that "Mr. Mike" would be cuckolding dear old Dad.
And while Mike and his mom exchanged pleasantries, Rei's little sister took the opportunity to check out the only tool NOT on Mike's toolbelt.
please don't find the dead cats I put in the walls...please don't find the dead cats I put in the walls...please don't find the dead cats I put in the walls...
"In this important historical record, you can clearly see the origin of BC Woods' Dunce Upon A Time blog reflected in his sullen glare."
"Um, ma'am, I know your letter said you wanted your 'pipes cleaned', 'drain snaked', 'bush trimmed' and something about a 'shaft being penetrated'; and we can accommodate that request; as long as you understand it'll take 2 weeks. And 37 guys. And we'll film it. You supply the materials."
Mrs Marsh is relieved the neighbour agreed to not press charges after her son was caught molesting his cat again. Once more the careful application of a blowjob coming to the rescue.