This past weekend, I took my son to our camp down the river to get out of The Wife's hair while she was studying for her finals. It was supposed to be a nice, quiet weekend on the water, where we could let our little dude swim and play and get more tan than I could ever dream of being. But no. It couldn't be that simple. I had to pick the weekend when this is going on. And our camp just so happens to sit right on the main route. Which bring me to my rant: I automatically judge every single one of those assholes who drive cigarette boats. They are nothing but gold-chain-wearing, more-money-than-sense, 5Fast-5Furiouser-of-the-water douchebags who just like to go fast and wear sleeveless shirts. They don't adhere to basic rules of the waterways, they LOVE to throw monster wakes, and they spend the majority of their time flexing their terrible bicep tattoos and gloating over their old, leathery, bikini-clad bow ornaments that are dancing to Rascal Flatts for cheap beads and approval. I know they are not all like this, but anytime I see one of these boats pass, that is the only thing that comes to mind. The insistence of the inevitable flame decals that decorate the sides of most of these boats doesn't help either, I guess. Focus: 1) What vehicle causes you to instantly judge its owner for the worse? And 2) What fashion piece does the same? Alt-Focus: 3) What vehicle/fashion piece inspires judgement of its owner for the better, and gives you the idea that the owner is a super guy/gal?
Jesus-Fish, usually also accompanied by pro-life bumper stickers, and usually on a car made in the 90s.
I for some reason find the Darwin Fish even more obnoxious, because they seem more overtly antagonistic.
On the subject of boats: If you own a Cobalt brand speed boat, I assume the following: you have no training or practice in boat driving - you figure "it's just like driving a car, right??" yeah, asshole, where's the motherfucking brake?, no one in your party can waterski worth a damn, you have no concept of boating courtesy, your kids are jerks, and your wife's a shrew. Why? This is a speedboat marketed to the lowest common denominator of boat owner. The clueless dude who knows jack shit about boats, does not give a damn about function (it's too heavy for slalom waterskiing, but doesn't throw up a big enough wake for wakeboarding), and just wants something easy. These are the jerkwads who bump into piers, ruin the morning glass by tubing with their kids all over the best spots, pull up and leave their boats wherever, whenever, drink too much at waterside restaurants and then drive away causing all manner of havoc, and generally behave as though once you buy a boat, it is your kingdom and there are no rules. Oh, and give me the side eye because heaven forbid a chick drive a boat, and do it better than they can. At Tahoe we say Cobalt stands for Cannot Operate Boat At Lake Tahoe. I have yet to see this disproven.
Seeing this or any variation of it convinces me the person owning the car is a complete fucking moron. I just can't get over how many people believe this bullshit. How fucking paranoid and retarded is our country these days? Also, I can't stand people who wear shirts like this: Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people who smoke weed. However, most of the jackasses who feel the need to advertise it on their shirt are the kind that make their entire persona about it and try to steer every conversation into how much weed they smoke. You're a fucking tool. Go somewhere else. Other than that I'm not really fashion oriented or particularly care what kind of vehicle a person has. I couldn't care less.
Focus: 1. I want to smash every pair of neon colored Wayfarers I see. 2. Is it a car or are you trying to turn it into a fucking plane with a fart can muffler? A combo of both: Cowboy posers. Guys that drive big ass trucks and wear cowboy hats and boots yet they grew up in the suburbs and have never actually stepped in cow shit.
makes me wish GTA was real life. If you want us to drive more carefully around you because of your kid, shouldn't you also drive safely? Instead of driving like the self-important soccer mom with your face buried in your phone barreling through a school zone?
Any Mini-van. Ever. There is no redemption for you if you drive one; it's obvious that you've given up on life and are just waiting for someone to put you out of your misery.
1) What vehicle causes you to instantly judge its owner for the worse? Mustang owners. You wanted a nice sports car but you couldn't quite afford one. [Shelby modified mustangs excluded] Also any "ricer" cars. That's been beat to death, though. 2) What fashion piece does the same? I am a big UFC fan, but when I see Affliction and Tapout wear I think you're an idiot. 3) What vehicle/fashion piece inspires judgement of its owner for the better, and gives you the idea that the owner is a super guy/gal? Jeep owners, Wranglers in particular. Generally knows more about their vehicle than others know about theirs[out of need, mostly.] I had a Wrangler for a few years and it was common to get the "Jeep wave" from other Wrangler owners and it was always a conversation starter. I miss having a Wrangler badly. Nothing more fun than cruising around with no top or doors, except when it rains unexpectedly. Anyone decently dressed at least gets a chance at me thinking they're a cool person.
Fucking stacks. It's a god damned pickup, not a big rig. You look like an idiot. Put a curve in your bill, you fucking retard.
Camaros and T-birds from the early 80's. I automatically assume the driver has a Joe Dirt style mullet, and is wearing some sort of plaid shirt. There are a minimum of 10 half crushed empty cans of whatever your cheapest local beer is rolling around in the back. There is one full can on the passenger floor, and one open and nestled between the driver's grimy, dirt stained, denim clad thighs. This car is usually black, and liberally accented with rust.
But then the "Truth Fish" is the worst of the bunch, combining both the antagonism of the Darwin fish and the ignorance of the Jesus fish.
Damn here I thought we were going to have a good discussion on boating culture. One of the most annoying, retardedly expensive for people that can barely scrape by, but still brings out girls in droves activity in existence. Anyway, I swear the lesbian stereotype of Subaru outbacks, rings true 99.99% of the time. Outside of that I think South Park did about the best job possible lampooning Prius drivers. Let me tell you about colored jeans and flats........
I love seeing these dudes broken down on the side of the road. Sorry Skrillex, not a huge fan. More a style, than fashion piece.
I mostly agree with this, although some young major league pitchers and X Games motorcross guys can pull this off. The one that I do not get is Golf Visor on Backwards Guy. In a bar, at night, when you clearly didn't just come off the golf course.
Anybody riding a motorcycle without a helmet or the appropriate protective gear. Now, I guess I sort of understand not wanting to wear full leathers in a trip around the block in 100 degree temps, but please don't wear shorts and a wife beater. When you wreck (not if, but when), the nurses will end up having to pick gravel out of your flesh while you cry like a baby. Of course, that is if your brain isn't the equivalent of scrambled eggs and the only reason you are still alive is so your organs can be retrieved and reused.