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Can I get some trail mix without rabbit feces please?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Guy Fawkes, Nov 3, 2010.

  1. Guy Fawkes

    Guy Fawkes
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    (This originally started out as a rant-rave but I thought it might make a decent thread but I'm too lazy to reformat this shit)


    Rave: Yesterday at work two guys from our machine shop played a little trick on one of the sales guys. The machinists had a container of this trail/snack mix in their office. It wasn't out on the desk as in "help yourself" but rather tucked away on a shelf in one of their cubes.

    It was good fucking trail mix but I only took it when it was offered.

    Another gentlemen in the sales dept made a point of helping himself every time he passed their office. Never asking but just helping himself. It got to a point where the machinists said something to him and then even labeled the container with DO NOT EAT. All to no avail.

    One of the girls in our accounting department has rabbits. She's like Angela from The Office but about "bunnies" instead of cats. One of the machinists (that I think is banging her) asks her for a bag of dried rabbit crap. Dried rabbit crap looks like cocoa puffs and apparently has no smell.

    The machinists put the rabbit crap in their trail mix, shook up the canister, and put it back on the shelf.

    We all know what happened next.

    Rant: I found out about this early this morning from a bunch of guys in assembly who had heard it from someone else (etc, etc). I found it hilariously funny because fatty sales cunt is pretty much useless and really should lay off the trail mix.

    Approximately 10 minutes after hearing the story and settling into my office there's a knock on the door and it's Sales Guy. Looking extremely pale and nervous. I ask him to sit down, he does, and immediately launches into the story of how he was "tricked into eating bunny feces". If you're going to call it feces at least call it rabbit feces.

    At first I think he's just looking for someone to confide in and feel sorry for him but NOOOOOO. He's looking for a manager (his manager unfortunately) to file a serious complaint with.

    Focus:

    1. What should I do? Try to be helpful or just caustic and funny.

    2. This guy will never live this down. He's going to have to leave the company because literally everyone knows and everyone laughed. Have you lived through something that there was no coming back from that required a wholesale exiting the sphere of existence to be rid of it?
     
  2. DrFrylock

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    Normally I bump threads that I think have universal appeal and might be interesting to lots of people and generate a bunch of good posts.

    But it's opposite day today, so what the hell.

    Of course, this thread will probably go 12 pages now.
     
  3. scootah

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    If I was the Manager taking the complaint, my response would be something like this -

    <Sales Guy>, I understand this is very upsetting, but my understanding is that you had been repeatedly asked to not eat <Machinist's> food and that at the time of the rabit feces incident, the material was in fact labeled 'do not eat'. So while we will be speaking to <machinist> about storing rabbit feces at work, and asking him to not do so again in future, unfortunately we're going to have to let you go. Helping yourself to the property of other employees is intolerably unprofessional, and continuing to do so after they have explicitly asked you to cease doing so is frankly inexcusable and completely contrary to the professional ethics of <company>. We would also advise against asking anyone at the company for a reference. Thanks for bringing this to our attention and best of luck in your future endeavors. Then I'd give him a toothbrush as part of his severance package.

    What a dick.
     
  4. KIMaster

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    If food belonging to someone else is clearly labeled "DO NOT EAT", and the person eats it anyways, are the owners responsible? Well, according to that logic, if a thief steals someone's car, and it turns out to have shitty brakes, can he sue the original owners?

    I'm with scootah on this. Either point out that he was explicitly told, face-to-face and in writing, NOT to eat the trail mix, and thus ignore his complaint, or if you feel like it, just fire the tool.

    Honestly, it could have been worse. There was a huge problem with people stealing food in my university dorm, so some of the "do not eat" food had all kinds of nasty, dangerous shit put into it that would make you puke for hours.
     
  5. Kubla Kahn

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    One of my dad's friends pissed in the MNt Dew 2 liter he had in the break room fridge. Someone had been drinking it against his wishes. A few days later there was a noticeable amount missing from the bottle and who ever was drinking his Mnt Dew stopped immediately.
     
  6. Volo

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    Did that with beer several years back when I lived in a huge townhouse with a half-dozen friends. I had a mini-fridge in my bedroom and it was regularly raided by the other denizens of the house. Even when I installed a lock on my door they managed to pick it and get in anyways.

    So, after dozens of beers lost and bottles of liquor swiped, I left a plant in the fridge before going to work one day. A 24-pack of bottles filled with 1/3 piss and 2/3 beer. I sealed the caps on them as best I could, and left them in the open, still in the original case, door unlocked, on a Saturday night when I knew they'd be drinking.

    Got home, and had a bit of a scrap with one of the guys. Everyone else managed to take the hint and understood that justice had been served. They were surprisingly understanding and in the end, no harm, no foul. Props to those guys, and from then on they stopped taking booze from my room. This other joker, though...wow. He lost his shit, raving for minutes about how sick he was going to be, and that any beer in the house was community beer because we shared rent, and meaningless shit like that. I told him to fuck off and to quit acting like a kid in special ed and he took a swing at me. Wasn't an all out fight, just a scuffle in the living room that put the final smackdown on my busted ass coffee table.

    Interesting note: That same guy apparently spent some time in remedial (read: special ed) classes when he was young, so he took that shot a bit more personal than most.
     
  7. lostalldoubt86

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    Obviously if the package was labeled "Do Not Eat" and he ate it, this is his own fault. Although, I'm not sure if firing him is the answer. Yes, let him know that what he did was wrong, but if he is a good worker and his only offense is stealing other's food, I don't know if that's enough to fire him over.
     
  8. Samr

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    I repped this to you when it was a suggestion, but I'd take the guy's complaint and "accidentally" mention that the other dude also filed several complaints of theft of personal property.

    I'd imagine the dude would drop (-ings... ha?) his case pretty quick to get out of it.

    Or he could be more determined than ever to push it for the sake of retribution. Either way you win, because in that case you'd only be a responsible manager if you reminded employees at the next staff meeting or in a memo that bringing feces onto company property, especially for the sake of tricking someone into consuming them, was specifically prohibited.
     
  9. Juice

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    Hey thats what he gets. He wasnt "tricked" into anything. He was told not to do something, did it anyway, and now hes pissed from the outcome? And what kind of spine does this guy have coming to a manager about it? "Hey boss, I cant help but stuffing my fat gullet with other people's food, and in stuffing said gullet, i ate rabbit shit. I demand your action!"

    If it was me, I would deny everything and force a bottle of Scope through my digestive system.
     
  10. Maltob14

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    You could just run this experiment again like good scientist. Wait till it's the dead of winter and see if he drinks the corn/peanut flavoured 'hot chocolate' that's labeled do not drink. Hell, for bonus points get it from one of the mechanics.
     
  11. Disgustipated

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    In concordance with the other posters, and as repped, fuck him. He's a gutless thieving bastard. The guys have obviously had their fun with him, otherwise how would he know what he's eaten?

    Simply inform him that there's no evidence suggesting that what he has eaten is actually rabbit fecal matter, apart from a few giggling employees. However, he is confessing to theft in the workplace and will be terminated immediately.

    That sort of scenario isn't far from the truth. There's been situations here in Australia where this exact sort of thing has happened. In one instance, a guy broke into the backyard of his friend's parents while they were away, and without their knowledge or permission. The house was backing a canal and he decided to jump from the back fence into the water. He misjudged it and broke his neck, rendering himself a paraplegic. He sued the owners of the house and won.

    In another one, a guy gets his drink on all day, then decides to walk home. He's acting like an idiot and stumbles into traffic unexpectedly, getting run over. He sues everyone, including the driver and the bar tender because he fell into the road, and won.
     
  12. kuhjäger

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    Sorry to be a downer but...

    Unfortunately the guy who ate the bunny shit (the fecal material, not the bs Bunny spewed on the other board) can really fuck your company over.

    With piss, you can construe it as harassment, unsanitary to a point, however urine is generally sterile.

    However fecal material is a completely different matter. Especially from a rodent. I know you live somewhere in New England, but imagine for a second this took place in the Southwest. Rodents down there are commonly infected with Hantavirus, which is a pretty nasty hemorrhagic fever. Quite uncommon, but the primary vector for transmission is rodent shit. Lets say Fluffy the bunny had been infected (most rodents don't have any symptoms) by eating the shit of a mouse that had broken into its cage, eaten some food from the dish, and left some presents in the food dish, which Fluffy then consumed by accident, thus acquiring the virus, and then started pooping out little hanta-chip specials.

    Then the hanta-chips end up looking like chocolate chips in trail mix, then hungry fat fuck comes along, and sneaks some of the forbidden fruit, and then a few weeks later gets sick with the virus.

    Fecal matter is a breeding ground for disease and bacteria other than the big scary Hantavirus, and the consumption of fecal material presents a health risk.

    What should have happened was:
    Meeting is held. People understand for a while. Perhaps the guy stealing is caught in the act, and as merited, punishment that he knew was coming was dealt because it was laid out to him, and all employees.


    Ultimately Trail Mix Guy took matters into his own hands, and basically tricked a fellow employee into eating rodent shit, which is completely unsanitary, and a health risk. Trail Mix guy acted like an especially immature high schooler, and played a prank rather than acting like an adult.

    Trail mix guy should be fired plain and simple.
     
  13. scotchcrotch

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    People have sued and won for less.

    I think firing him right after he files a complaint helps his case even more.

    I would "file" the grievance, mention to him how this alll could have been avoided (verbally, no emails), and move on.

    The smartest thing to do would be to fire the owner of the trail mix. His ass put a hell of a lot of liability on your company for some bullshit trail mix.
     
  14. Jimmy James

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    While I can see your point, you're rewarding the guy that was fucking stealing from other co-workers. What kind of message does that send to the rest of the staff? "I can do whatever I want to anybody I want to, but if they come back at me, I can get them fired." Fuck that.

    If you really want to make it fair, fire both of them for being unprofessional.
     
  15. kuhjäger

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    The thing is, any decent company is going to have channels where an employee can lodge a formal complaint. Hey, this cock monkey is stealing my food. This food is mine, and he has no right. I asked him to knock it off, and he won't.

    A meeting is possibly held between the two employees behind closed doors, and the hr person, or just the general manager says, knock it off. You are eating his trail mix without permission. If it happens again, x punishment will happen.

    If an employee should not take it into his own hands to dole out punishment. It is a place of business, not a frat house.


    Unless it is clearly stated in the employee rulebook (I hope that this company has one) that theft of food that has been reported yields termination, then no, the guy shouldn't be fired. Maybe suspended a bit without pay. But as mentioned above, being fired so shortly after making this complaint just throws fuel on the fire for a suit.

    Even Lionel Hutz would be all over that angle.
     
  16. Backroom

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    I think he even wrote a contributing piece on this topic for Bob Loblaw's Law Blog.
     
  17. hawkeyenick

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    I wouldn't fire either guy. Like kuhjager is mentioning, firing the shit-eater does bring along the risk of lawsuit, so why risk the cost of defending that to the company. However, I do not think it would be the slam dunk lawsuit that kuhjager thinks it is. Everywhere I have worked, from retail clothing stores to offices, employee theft is a fireable offense no matter how small the item stolen. This has been consistent in every single situation, whether I was the employee, the manager, or as an attorney. So yes, firing shit-eater is reasonable to consider, but the costs are likely to outweigh the benefits because he sounds like a little baby who will bring a lawsuit, and there is always the risk that he could win, even though he deserves to be fired.

    I would just formally write up both guys, and give them both a verbal warning that the next complaint received against them (that has merit) will result in them losing their job. While putting rabbit shit in the trail mix was hilarious, its also unsanitary and unprofessional, and it deserves a written warning. Stealing from another employee is deplorable, and it merits being fired, but this guy gets off easy because he got his comeuppance. If you sit them both down and make it clear that their actions should get them both fired, but that you're letting them each have one last chance, it should scare them sufficiently for them to tow the line.
     
  18. kuhjäger

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    Bob Loblaw would lob a law bomb at Fawkes' work.
     
  19. rei

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    I wouldn't fire either guy, I'd argue justice was served; and I'd argue that seeing as it was labelled "DO NOT EAT" then there's not a whole lot of liability there in terms of contaminating food.
     
  20. jordan_paul

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    I agree. Boys will be boys, and justice was served.

    Trail Mix Guy could argue though that he likes the added flavor of rabbit shit, thats why he put it in there, and that its Thiefs fault he ate the shit. If he didnt like the taste of rabbit shit, he shouldnt be stealing my food.