i was shopping for groceries yesterday, and i was astounded at the prevalence of celebrity magazines. that aisle was seriously 10 feet long. who the fuck keeps that in business? i'm all about imdb for "oh, it's that guy" moments and trivia night, but....what the titted-jesus fuck? focus: what don't you understand the appeal of?
other than sending nudies, i don't get snapchat. i've seen people do it. i've seen people receive one. it's kinda weird and i can never think of a time i'd want to send one to someone. bippity boppity booump.
snapchat watching anything cbs/nbc/abc puts on television, seriously, who watches that garbage? phone sex - it's still just jerking off, even at 2.99 a minute only having one beer, fuck's the point?
"real housewives of ____" shows and their spinoffs. sometimes (often times, after work), you just need to turn off your brain, watch some easily-digestible entertainment, and have some wine or beer. i get that, and to a large extent i appreciate it. it's why i read pointless websites like cracked.com and tuckermax.me, and why i watch big brother, america's got talent, below deck, and almost every series on discovery. but the word "cunt" was invented for a reason: to describe the exact type of people on real housewives. i know this, because i hear their cunt-iness from the opposite end of the house. why does this exist? why do these people exist? why are these shows not instead titled "america's most wanted of _____"?
little yapper or toy dogs. if you want a dog, get a real dog that you can play and/or work with. or if you want a small mammal, get a cat, which can hunt vermin and is mostly self-sufficient. toy dogs don't seem to serve any purpose whatsoever.
rub and tugs. i mean seriously, what the fuck. why not light your money on fire? at least then you can watch it vanish into thin air. what exactly do these places accomplish that a laptop and your left palm can't? but no, pay fifty to two hundred for a fucking handjob.. it's like paying to breathe air. unlike blowjobs, most women are terrible at handjobs (yes, you are.) and getting one is like getting an in-the-park homerun on throwing errors. sure you scored, but that doesn't make you a hero. you got off in the most boring way possible. and you paid money for it, slick! and the girl who did it is a bar coded, sad-eyed human trafficking victim. i don't get it. handjobs are fun when you're a teen but then you become an adult and realize they're a forfeit. no woman-- none-- can give a guy a handjob better than he can give himself. as a guy, a history of handjobs usually plays out like this: 14 yrs. old: "holy shit, that was awesome! and i don't need to give you money or anything?" 18 yrs: "stop pissing around. i'm hard, you're wet. let's gut this fish." 22 yrs: "what, think you're better than me at this!?! this is my world muah ha ha ha ha ha!!!'l
i don't know, what are the prices? my experience in these places involves me sitting in a waiting room reading a dog-eared magazine while idiots i'm drinking with are down the hall, talking in full volume a about how much "extras" cost. that was when i found out what a"body slide" is, one of the funniest moments of my life.
the only thing sadder than participating in a "special ending" is being the guy in the group listening to it from the waiting room.
and now a great thread turned into a crown intervention. crown, exactly how much did your mother neglect you as a child? did she do the asian-style "helli-cwopter" parenting? were you not allowed to jack off? no long-leg socks? are you seeking self validation via the paid-for female touch? so many questions. tell me, did your parents ever pet a tiger in a thai zoo? when you see people posting titties on the tittie thread for self-validation, do you cum in a minute, or 30 seconds? or less?
what an interesting collection of utterly stupid and inane questions. what i'm trying to gather from whatever you just said that has nothing to do with what i posted is that you either think rub and tugs are a good thing, or... i don't know what you're asking. i've never paid a woman for any sexual favour, ever, because its never been necessary for me to lower myself to that. are you saying you have? or did you get into some strong vicodin in the last hour?
im officially staking my claim as the internet guy that had to put his foot down and defend the lowly hand job from a girl. there always has to be someone to take the exact opposite position you have, it is the internet. yeah i masturbate. a fucking lot. i got my technique down and everything, don't be tickling or nothing. but it still never beats the sweet victory of having a girl do it for you. maybe i never grew out of the stage where talking a girl into hooking up on any level is the ultimate thrill. the pangs of anxiety and doubt are washed away in the excitement and release. you certainly don't get that cranking it to youjizz videos, hoping you can collect all your jism and wipe your ass crack sweat stain from your leather couch in one paper towel sheet. the simple fact that my hand and penis are connected to the same brain and each knows on a physiological level, instantaneously, what is happening, in the end, dulls the experience. the million and a half times you jerk it creates the same repetitive neuro pathways. having a foreign body stimulating your junk on a neuron level is completely unpredictable which makes it awesome. sure you can get a bad hj where the girl pulls it in a slightly different direction or at a different pace than your penis has become accustomed to after years of the same stimulation, and it is modestly uncomfortable. bad hjs are forgettable as anything else. anything other than terrible in the female hj department outclasses any and all auto erotic efforts. this is exactly why i like female hjs, charged or otherwise.
two wheel drive trucks/suvs. i mean, i guess i do get it sometimes; if you need to haul stuff/people often and live in a place with nice winters and you never go camping in the middle of nowhere, fine. but to me it's like getting a race car and saving money by putting a corolla engine in it. in a similar vein, people who buy jeep wranglers with automatic transmissions. it's preposterous and it costs more!! they bring out the teenage girl in me - i seriously can't even. rubicons, especially, should come in "manual" or "kill yourself."
i will defend the two wheel drive truck. if you have a limited slip rear end in your pickup and you know how to drive just a bit. you probably have 80% of the capability of four wheel drive while saving a couple of thousand dollars initially, plus having better gas mileage and a vehicle that could be up to 6 inches lower. much better for when you have to lift something heavy into that truck. where i live, we constantly wonder why people bother with getting four wheel drive pickups. as far as the wranglers, really you probably have a nicer more progressive application of power to the wheels with the automatic. much like why most bracket drag racers use automatics. but since i love standard transmissions, i am with you on that one.
more like 35%. the front wheels on a truck are where the weight is. if you lose traction in ice/snow/mud with a 2wd you're pretty much fucked. with a 4wd it suddenly becomes no big deal. if i didn't have 4wd with good ground clearance i'd do a lot of walking.
the problem comes from people who think 4wd is some magic cure to traction... it's not. but if you've got an empty bed on a 2wd pickup and are trying to get up even a slightly slippery incline, you're screwed... 4wd to the rescue. personally, i'd never get a non-4x4 pickup, especially in a slightly hilly area that gets winter. even then i usually drive around with a load of firewood or something else heavy in the bed to get traction.
i bought my suv 10 years ago. it has not been off-road once. it has faithfully towed my car-hauler and auto-cross/track car to 12+ events a year and hauled up to 8 people at a time to numerous family gatherings in comfort (well, the folks in the third row do need to be median-sized). why would i want a 4-wheel drive? oh, there's the shitty ride and the even shittier gas mileage. and the all important macho thing. guess i'm missing out. horses for courses.