Broken, Burned, Sprained and Smashed.....................

I decided at the smart age of 15 or so that it would be a good idea to jump on our trampoline when it was pouring down rain. It was a blast until I slipped and my face flung into the metal ring on the trampoline breaking my nose. My face was covered in blood -- not only was my nose bleeding, but I cut the fuck out of it too so it bled from that as well. Ended up having to have surgery to correct everything so I could breath properly again. I had to breath with my mouth open like a fucking idiot for a while.

I got a 3rd degree burn from hot coffee from some cheap gas station when I was in the 4th grade. The coffee spilled onto my lap, burning the fuck out of my right hip area. I had to have a skin graft to repair the damage. The fun part was when they ripped off the old gauze and replaced it on my new fresh patch of skin.

 

In one year of football I suffered 2 concussions... then of course Murphy's law happened while I was being scouted.

Playing an away game about 2 hours from my hometown, we were in the hunt for a top seed in the playoffs. I played MLB and FB, and generally never left the game. So on special teams, I was the long snapper. As a rule, the receiving team cannot line up directly over the center while on a long snap. I used this to my advantage, as by the time the ball got to the punter, I was already past the line. As I was trucking toward the receiver unguarded (think of Marky Mark in INVINCIBLE) i got juked out by the guy. Clearly I was out of the play. As I was turning counter-clockwise to pursue, I got CLOCKED. His helmet to my facemask. It spun my head clockwise, and I was on the ground. I knew I hurt, but didn't know where I hurt. I remember some of my teammates looking down at me. Next thing I know, I'm being put in an ambulance.

Paramedic: "Do you feel this?"
Me: "Feel What?"
Paramedic: " I'm poking the bottom of your foot with a pin"
Me: "I feel a poking in my side"
Paramedic: "Move your foot"
Me: "sure"
Paramedic; "call it in.. its a trauma"

I couldn't move my left foot, and I couldn't move my left hand. Spent a week in the hospital, and regained movement. Turned out to be a severe spinal cord bruising...The way the doc explained it, the spinal cord crosses itself twice. Once near the steam and once at the lower end. He said the damage was lower in my neck, but then proceeded to tell me that the way I was hit, and the LEFT side of my body went out... the damage should have occurred in the stem area of my brain... kinda fucked up.

Obviously, no more football for me... but since I had a ban on contact sports, I had to switch my baseball position from catcher to outfield.

 

I've been pretty lucky. Once when I was about 7 or 8 I thought a sliding glass door was open. It wasn't. I opened it. I didn't use the handle, I used my head. That got me some kinda cool looking scars, and the odd sensation of looking down at your jeans and seeing a little shard of bloody glass (untempered) just laying there as you're getting stitched up.
In freshman year of high school, I managed to pull off a pretty awesome display of reflexes I doubt I could replicate. Some dickweeds were flicking a penny across a table, and I was standing nearby talking to someone. I hear a *ping!* and snap my hand up to my temple(frankly I kinda expected it, these guys weren't exactly my best buddies), feel a sting against my hand, and turn to see the aforementioned dickweeds looking at me in confusion. That left a tiny scar, but a great memory of open-mouthed perplexed folks, so that works.
My eye got some unwanted attention from a laser by yet another dickweed. It sucked for the first two weeks filled with extreme pain and increased photosensitivity, but now my night vision is fantastic.

 

In my car accident in 2001, I suffered a severe head injury (which I get migraines for) and I now have an eye disorder called Iritis, had wires from the seat in front of me impale through my hand (I have no feeling in part of it all) and the seatbelt shredded my hip resulting in arthritc pain I still get almost daily. The other two passengers did not survive.

My only fracture came in the form of being jumped by five toughy-tuff-tuffs out near Fanshawe College in '03. My friend Book and I fought 5 on 2, lasted five minutes before we were thrown into the deep snow and rain dnaced on my winter boots. I recieved two fractured ribs, Book got a boot imprint on his face that lasted a week. Here's a picture taken 10 minutes afterwards. I'm on the right doubled over in pain, Book has the beet red face:

 

I was a diver for 5 years -- not deep sea diver -- board diver. The worst pain I ever recall feeling before I passed out under the water was during and inward double off a 1 meter and smacking my face into the board, hitting the water and then passing out. I would have sworn I lost all my teeth, an eye socket and an inch off my face. Luckily, my team dove in after me and saved me from certain drowning but Christ did I look like a domestic abuse survivor for about 3 weeks. Nothing hurts like face smashage into a diving board

 

It's a close between two injuries that I sustained during soccer. My first one occurred freshman year. I played forward and I was so small that I was usually half the size of most of the defenders on the other teams. But this one game was worse than all the others. The defender on my side of the field was a legit 6'0'' 300 lb. WHALE of a defender. Outrunning her was not a problem. Oh no, she would have passed out in a second if she were to chase me. The issue occurred when we both jumped up to head the ball. Now I may have been stupid for attempting to out jump someone that was 10 inches taller than me but whatever. I landed on the ground first. Then she did. ON TOP OF MY FOOT. I thought someone had thrown knives through my foot it hurt so badly. My foot was on fire. She fucking broke my foot in four places. I had to have a couple plates and screws put into my right foot and I was out for the rest of the season because of that bitch.

Then, a couple years later after I was all healed and playing again, we were up against this team that really liked to play dirty. One time I was dribbling the ball towards the goal and this girl came at me and fucking slide tackled me from the side so that I wouldn't break free. That's when, yep, you guessed it...she caught me foot, in a big way. She completely forced it inward and tore just about all of the lateral ligaments in my left ankle. Before I opened my eyes after falling, I thought she ripped my foot off...and she almost did. I looked at it and it was just dangling there. Something I hope to never see again. The worst part of it was when they were examining it to see how badly I was hurt. They moved it around, and then they put pressure on my tibia. When they did that it shifted backwards at the joint. That is one grotesque picture that is forever burned into my memory. Oh fuck, that hurt so badly. Though now that it's healed the ligaments are still pretty loose and I can do some gross nasty shit with my ankle...like roll my foot inward so it's at a 90 degree angle to my body. It's awesome.

I've sustained many other injuries from my years of playing sports...including getting nailed in the temple with a soccer ball and getting knocked unconscious (totally have video of it)...but none of them are quite as bad as when both my ankles got fucked up.

 

Yeah, this was a regular occurrance when I was younger, still happens a couple times a year.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testicular_torsion

 

Mine wasn't a bad injury, or painful but just scared the absolute shit out of me.
When I was about ten or eleven I was laying on the floor in my parents room watching tv. I was pretty tired and coudln't keep my eyes open so I pulled the blanket over my head and went to sleep. I woke up rubbing my eye and decided to go into my room to go to my bed so I turned to say goodnight to my parents and they freaked. It was then that I noticed that my eye had swollen up so much that it was hitting my glasses. We got in the car and headed to the hospital, with me completely convinced my eye was going to fail out of the socket (I was an imaginative seventh grader).
This occurred around the whole anthrax deal so I got priority treatment and was quarantined in the hospital, saw about twelve doctors because they had no idea what was going on. The next day the swelling went down and I was sent home, with my eye still intact. A few weeks later my eye started swelling up again one day when I was home sick from school and we realized it was an allergic reaction to Ibuprofen.

Also the summer before my senior year of high school I was at a soccer tournament and it was our second game. The other team takes the kickoff, sends it long and one of our defenders chests it down, right to an oncoming player who goes on a breakaway from there. He hits the post and the ball is bouncing around in our box when I come in to clear it. I was facing my own goal so I go to hook around it and clear it. As I swing one of the forwards on the other team comes in flying cleats up into my shin. That part wasn't the part that hurt though, as that foot landed it got stuck and I rolled my entire body weight over it. Apparently the first scream was heard about four fields away. I had marks the whole way down my leg from the cleats that were there for about a week and a half.
Truthfully it wasn't as bad as I first thought because about five minutes later I was ready to play again, or so I thought (adrenaline is a beautiful thing). The next morning though that first step where I collapsed to the floor was one of the worst of all time.

 

Wisdom teeth complications are ridiculous. I was assured that only about 3% of patients ever experience dry sockets or infection. Three days after my surgery, it feels like there is a metal rod driven through my eye and splitting my head down the middle, and my mouth tastes disgusting and sour. After wolfing down the bottle of Oxycontin they had given me and still feeling no reprieve from the horrible pain, I went back to the oral surgeon, who went bug-eyed.

In his words, "Sometimes people get dry sockets and sometimes they get infection, but this is the first time I've seen them both at once. I guess you're one of the lucky ones!"

Fuck doctor humor.

 

Click me at your own risk. I am GROSS!!!!

Spoiler

Got my leg caught between two boats while boarding a pirate ship 300 miles off the coast of Somalia on my birthday in '05. One plate, 6 screws, couldn't walk for three months, and it ended up being the reason I got out of the Navy 3 years later, since I can't run anymore.

SGEDIT: DUDE! Jesus Christ. Hide shit like that. Some people eat lunch or whatever while they browse. Seeing a hole and the MEAT inside it so no good. I'm nauseous now you fucker.

 

This may (edit after seeing the post above; WILL) make me sound like a huge wuss, but the worst pain I've ever experienced was when my friend closed the power windows to his toyota camry, not realising I had my fingers hanging out. My vision faded to white, then I blacked out for 10-20 seconds. Regardless of whether or not I have the lowest pain tolerance in the world, it's probably not a good idea to put your fingers out of car windows when they're only slightly open.

 

Came off a bicycle in 2002, and forgot to let go of the bike when I fell (it had been about 15 years since I last used one). Shattered my wrist to powder. It took three days before I could be operated on. I am now bionic woman, with a wrist made of metal. I have to travel with x-rays as I sometimes get stopped at airports.

 

Christ...where to begin.

Broken toe - dropped the point of a box that must have weighed 80 pounds DIRECTLY on my right big toe. Broken finger - drunkenly bareknuckle boxing with a friend - threw what would have been a devastating right hook...directly into his elbow. Broken arm - minor green-stick fracture from a fall on rollerblades. When I was a kid, I had a habit of chewing on my lower lip. Managed to fall doing something stupid (too young to remember, and my parents aren't even sure how ti happened) and just about bit my lip off. I still have a very faint white scar in the shape of a half-circle to commemorate it.

Dislocated my shoulder after eating shit on a dirtbike. It was out for over an hour, I am told that many black out from the pain after that amount of time -- the spams and pain get exponentially worse the longer it is out of place. Even better, I had to hike about 5 miles to civilization to be taken to a doc. Corrective surgery and extensive rehab to follow.

Shattered my collarbone snowboarding. Under-rotated on a front flip and landed perfectly and only on the top of my left shoulder. While not the most painful of my injuries (dislocated shoulder was far and away the worst), it is certainly the most visually impressive.

 

All my injuries are sporting related - played Aussie Rules for 10 years as a junior and Rugby Union for a season in high school. All but the cricket related back injury and touch rugby league related ankle injury occurred before I turned 18. I actually haven't managed to do myself any real injuries outside of sport, no drunk injuries, no falling down stairs, nothing like that at all.

Aussie Rules over the course of my playing days (some of these doubled up, picked up nose, jaw and concussion in one go, and concussion, collarbone and nose at once another time):

- 3 x concussions (pretty mild overall, just knocked out need observation type stuff)
- 3 x assorted broken fingers across both hands
- 2 x dislocated fingers (pointer and middle in right hand, separate times)
- 1 x broken collarbone
- 2 x broken nose
- 1 x fractured jaw, right up near where it joins the rest of the skull on the right hand side (which I can now click at will! I don't know if that is a side effect or whether I just noticed it afterwards).

Rugby Union:
- 1 x grade 3 tear in one of my glutes

Indoor Soccer
- 1 x broken wrist thanks to a spectacular combination of someone who isn't very good at soccer (me) and someone who knew how to play and was aggressive, knocked me on my arse when I had the ball, wrist goes down as I fall and crunch.

Touch Rugby League
- 1 x torn ankle ligaments (whatever the ones on the inside are, medial or something?) thanks to a teammate taking me out in defence.

Cricket
- damaged a disc in my lower back bowling in some stupid muck around game, slipped on the side of the pitch and crunched my back awkwardly. It took about 12 months before I was back bowling properly and playing sport again.

I was pretty fragile in my younger days, that or I didn't seem to have much regard for my body. Besides the ankle injury haven't had anything happen in 6 years (and I still play a lot of sport, just not contact sport anymore). I take a hell of a lot better care of myself now though, in general fitness and preparation etc.

I'm glad I don't play contact sport anymore, I was laid up for about 2-3 weeks just with my ankle and it took forever to get back running, I just don't think I can handle the impact on the rest of life when stuff like that happens, its too frustrating.

 

Why? Because you were triple dog dared of course!! That is why everyone sticks there tongue's to poles. Thanks for confirming that however I was never 100% sure.

I can't believe a women has not posted child birth yet, maybe the story about the guy who had an adult sized catheter put in his boy sized pee hole scared them off?

 

I've had most of my fingers and one thumb broken from cricket or hockey balls, had my ribs fractured twice by cricket balls. Dislocated my collar bone playing rugby, wish I had broken it instead at least then it would have healed quicker.
There are those that read it in the drunk thread the other week but I've also had a testicle fractured by a cricket ball.

 

Yes. Agreed. I lived through mild gallbladder attacks for 2 painful years before the GB attack of '06 happened. I was home alone when the uncomfortableness began to set in. I knew I was in for some pain, but I really didn't expect to feel as though my stomach was being ripped apart. I realized quickly that I needed emergency care and fast. Unwilling to completely give in, I decided the best course of action was to practically crawl outside to my car and try and drive myself. I don't even think I got as far as getting the door closed. I just sat in the drivers' seat and tried not to puke or cry. At this point, I knew I was defeated and called a friend.

1 hour and a bumpy painful car ride later, and I'm in an ER bed waiting to be seen by a DR. At this point, I've yet to receive any diagnostic treatment or pain meds. I look up and notice a few people in really bad shape being pushed by me. I hear the nurse say something about a bad four-wheeler accident. At that moment, I realize that I had just been trumped. Deep down I knew those kids needed more urgent care than I did, but fuck if I cared at that moment.

The severe pain ended up subsiding before the doctor ever made his way to me. I was told to see a specialist and avoid fatty foods until my gallbladder could be removed. Not only did I feel like I wasted a trip to the ER, but I lived in fear for a week before that beast was finally cut out of me. Fuck you, gallbladder. Getting it out was the best week 7k I've ever spent.

 

The ensuing dry socket after having an impacted wisdom tooth surgically extracted. Smoking cigarettes and drinking through a straw wasn't a very good idea. By far, the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. I had to go to the ER at 4 am and they gave me percocets...nothing.

 

Drilled 3/4 through my thumb once. I could feel the drill bit slow down and stop. That nail has never been the same.

For lack of a better explanation, I had recurring appendicitis for about 5 years. Few times a year, I would get some combo of nausea, vomiting, and lower right quadrant pain, but then it would fade away after 6-12 hours, and I never had a high enough white count for them to want to open me up. I finally convinced a doc to take it after explaining and proving the recurring symptoms. Two years later and no more incidents. I'm grateful that's over.

 

I've never broken a bone, despite doing things that easily should have (Fell off a second-story balcony, flipping a golf cart on the side I was sitting, bicycle wreck at at least 20 into a pile of gravel, and more I've forgotten), but my tendons and ligaments are fucked. I've twisted my ankles enough that I can turn both of my feet around 170 degrees.

The worst was my meniscus. I was in a mosh pit in a venue that had no business having mosh pits. We're talking maybe 12 feet of open space. I got hit, and went backwards. Two people behind me caught my shoulders, and were helping me up. I had my left foot braced against the ground, completely outstretched. A fat guy turned, and took a full-force jump, directly into the side of my knee. Not on purpose.

I swear to this day I could hear the pop over the band playing. The rest of the concert could probably hear me screaming obscenities as well. A friend of mine helped me limp out to the concession area, and I posted up on a chair for a while, with my knee swollen as all hell. Naturally, the place had no ice.

So, I drive home, with a stick shift car. Remarkably unpleasant.

Somehow it ended up being a sprain, rather than a complete tear, so I didn't need surgery for it. However, I needed a brace for about 2 or 3 months, and to this day I get shooting pains and tightness every few weeks.

Other than that, the worst was having a case of colitis that went completely untreated for months. Waves of pain hit my lower stomach like fucking clockwork, and the only thing I could do was go fetal and ride it out. The farts that came afterward could drop a horse from twenty feet.