I was remodeling a bathroom for a old retired codger about a year ago. Really nice old man. So I'm in his downstairs bathroom and laying some tile, and he saunters in and starts in with some small talk. Asks me if I want a cold brewskie from the fridge, we get to chatting and then in a very fucking serious tone he drops this on me. "Is there anything you can do about the water level in the toilet, when I'm taking a dump, my balls get wet" I almost did a spit take spraying Lienenkugels all over the wall. For weeks I couldn't get the picture out of my head of his huge old man balls dipping into the toilet water with the displacement of a Dreadnought causing the water to rise up and over sides between the bowl and the toilet seat. I laughed about it for weeks.
Also underrated is the variety in vaginal size. I had sex with a short-vaginaed girl once, and it was pretty cool. I couldn't really go as deep/hard as I wanted to, but an enjoyable time was had by all. Then I saw her at a party a couple weeks later: "Yeah, when I went to the gynecologist, she told me you shifted my IUD. So now all my friends know you as the guy who shifted my IUD." Note: I don't know whether this is medically possible. It sounds suspicious, but that's what she told me. THIS. Don't get me wrong, I spent 9 years growing my hair, so it's nice when people notice or give me compliments. I don't even mind when people ask to touch it. But what are people thinking when they try to touch a stranger's hair? I love attention, but this seems objectively rude. From now on, every time a stranger touches my hair without asking, I'm going to tweak one of their nipples. Also, I can't wear hats. If/when I cut my hair, I'm buying a bunch of hats.
Also, this means that I'm always the designated driver. I'm glad all my friends get home safe every time we go out - but it seems that the only time I don't end up driving is when we drink within stumbling distance of someone's house.
I was out at a bar with a guy, a bar we frequented and therefore knew all the staff. We were sitting at the bar and the guy sitting next to me (not the guy I knew) was uncomfortably close to me. I just kinda turned my back to him and was talking to who I was with. He could obviously see what the creeper was doing behind me. The guy leaned in and took a deep smell of my hair, like with his nose IN MY HAIR. It was one of the creepiest things I've had happen to me. Anyway, my friend switched spots with me and the drunkass creeper got lippy with him. He grabbed the guy by the throat forcing him up and then over one of those long community type tables that was just behind the bar area. The bouncer arrived and took the creep to the other side of the bar, called him a cab and sent him on his way. Seriously, what kind of dipshit thinks it's acceptable to take a big old whiff of someones hair? A drunk one I guess. I've also had a really drunk friend pet my hair one night at a strip club. I've know him for years but even that was a little odd. EDIT for clairity: The hair on my head you fucking perverts.
I have only found this to be a problem on certain designs of toilets, and unfortunately it is usually the ones used in public buildings. This isn't a problem on most household toilets that have a deeper, more rounded bowl. However, this was a constant problem at some of the jobs I have worked at which use toilets with shallow bowls and larger openings. I will neither confirm nor deny that I am hung like a clydesdale.
Focus: Being small-framed with a short torso. Small frames suck. Here's why: If I gain 3 pounds it looks like I've gained 10. If I ever get pregnant my spawn will take over my entire body. Having a short torso sucks because I can't tuck in any shirts/wear belts. I'll look like Steve Urkel with my pants pulled up to my underarms. My real waistline is about 0.452 cm below my boobs. (slight exaggeration) Again, if I ever get pregnant there will be nowhere for the poor kid to go but straight out. These are the things that keep me up at night.
SGEDIT: Dude, seriously? I have warned you guys. I'm going to use you as an example my dear dear Frank. Take a day off and think about the grief you have caused me. Turd.
Ohhhhhhh, SheBitch is going to reign some ungodly kind of hell down onto you. Even I dont dare bring up his name or memory any more. Never mind video. Me thinks it'll be the Rapture for at least a few of you this weekend.
Yep. Anyone else want to comment on this? Anyone? Bueller? If you do you get what Frankie up there got.
I'm going to bust a nut on my computer screen with the video of that guy masturbating and then spam your inbox. I'm so fucking meta. SGEDIT: Oh sweet Primer, you just had to do it didn't you? Happy Friday! Next?
Jesus, some of you people are slow... Anyway. I love being tall. I really do. The only thing that's kind of a pain in the ass is the shoe size that comes with it. I'm a 12/13, so sometimes it's kind of hard to find the right shoe size. I also have kind of wide feet, so it hurts like a motherfucker for the first couple of weeks until they get broken it. Overall, being tall has more pros than cons - except on Airplanes, but I don't want to open up that can of worms - so I can't complain too much.
I'm 6 feet tall so I have the normal tall person clothing issues. I hate buying anything with long sleeves because it's so hard to find something that doesn't feel uncomfortable. The shoe issue is the biggest issue. I wear a size 11 in womens and a 9 in mens. I almost always buy sneakers in the men section, but trying to find size 11 dress shoes that aren't ugly as sin is a nightmare. Not only that, I think that in dress shoes I am closer to a 10.5 which from my experience is almost impossible to find.
I'm a black kid in college. Considering that I go to a pretty good school, I do stand out a little bit. I just got my degree, and the number of black kids has dipped dramatically over the five years I spent on campus. Still, there are other black dudes as well and I always give 'em the head nod. I'm a social dude, which automatically means I ain't seen as gangsta/ hard / hood. Of course I'm not gangsta, I major in Engineering man. What the fuck? Yes, I can get high test scores too. No, I didn't listen to Wiz Khalifa's newest mixtape yet (I enjoy other genres too), and NO Lil Wayne is not the greatest rapper alive (do you know who the Bone Thugs are, hood-wannabe drunk white girl? Have you been listening to J.Cole's mixtapes? No? I didn't think you did). I wouldn't trade it for anything, but the kids who come in from bumfuck small towns immediately see me as one of the few minorities they've ever met. On a dance floor, I'll be swarmed by six kids and yelled at TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE, DAWG!!!! (Which is a fairly easy dance, luckily) or whatever dumb ass dance is out (naw man, I don't want to do the faggy ass "Stanky Leg" dance with you, I will do my best Chris Brown impersonation though ) Cops (and older white men who are introduced to me by their daughters) also size you up wherever you go. So there's that.
I would like to say here that I could care less about a bra in which a girl is wearing other than is it a front or back clasp and how fast I can get it off. Just my $0.02.
I'm going to repeat the same sentiment - weighing in at 103 pounds sporting D cups. Life makes me sad when I go bra/dress shopping. I've also been blessed (cursed, however you want to look at it) with a libido that rivals a 15 year old boy. No man has ever been able to keep up with the frequency. Oh, they try, bless their hearts, but eventually it's "Baby, please. It's been three times today, can I get a break?"
I gotcha mang! I can go that many times except when Im hungover. On a similar note I have a delayed ejaculation thing (easily cured by NOT beating it two to three days before coitis of coarse this is hard to gauge in the single life). Instead of premature Id last forever. Girls are not impressed and once they start getting sore down there they start asking in the worst tone you'll ever hear, "aren't you finished yet???"
This is something I've always wondered about: are all you dudes who can last endlessly -- of which I am not one, ladies -- are you just in amazing shape? I can't imagine having sex for long periods of time without some sort of fluid break, it sounds like doing windsprints for hours on end.