Adult Content Warning

This community may contain adult content that is not suitable for minors. By closing this dialog box or continuing to navigate this site, you certify that you are 18 years of age and consent to view adult content.

Boo-fucking-hoo. Cry me a fucking river princess.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by scootah, May 16, 2011.

  1. scootah

    scootah
    Expand Collapse
    New mod

    Reputation:
    1
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    1,728
    Why I hate my giant dong

    Apparently, having an enormeous cock is just awful. Poor guy.

    I have a little sympathy, but only a little. I mean by every reasonable measure - my job is awesome. It pays far more than I'm worth, the hours are easy, the dress code is whatever I feel like wearing, the stress is low and my coworkers are ok guys. The tiny number of hassles like the idiot helpdesk I'm saddled with are more than covered by the compensation package - but really, I just fucking hate it. I'm bored to death and loathe everything about corporate IT at this point and I would do anything short of take a pay cut, to find a career direction that actually interests me.

    By the same token, I have a friend who has huge tits. Like Triple F cups. Insanely perky, shapely triple F cups. I would understand if her problem with them was about the back pain or something - but her issues are that they cause her to spill drinks when she knocks shit over, and it's hard to buy plain bras - the only thing she can find in her size is the fancy, sexy kind. The poor fucking princess. Fortunately, she gets off on being slapped around - because there's no way I could listen to her bitch about that without slapping her.

    Focus: What are you saddled with that the unencumbered would consider a blessing, but you know is actually a curse? Are you tormented by great wealth? Burdened by a set of tits that never sag despite being large enough double as a life raft in the event of an emergency water landing? Constrained by your phenomenal sporting talent? Pigeon holed by your ivy league education or trust fund?

    Anti-Focus: Do you know someone who is phenomenally blessed and bitches about it like it's some kind of voodoo curse? Have you ever tried to actually lay a Voodoo curse on them?
     
  2. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
    Expand Collapse
    The White

    Reputation:
    23
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,571
    I have two: first, I have the ability to be the Nth poster in any given thread, for any number N. Sadly, the only time I used this power, I was given the Curse of the Bumpage, where now I am in bondage to try to entertain all you chuckleheads every night.

    Second, I have a mild case of Cassandritis, in which I can tell the future, but nobody believes me. I tell somebody "if you do that, this bad thing is going to happen to you." Then, they do it anyway, and the bad thing happens. And they want me to help them fix it. This is doubly true when it comes to ex-girlfriends.

    My life is a regular Greek tragedy, come to think of it.
     
  3. Volo

    Volo
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    39
    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2009
    Messages:
    713
    I have giant balls. No joke.
     
  4. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,032
    Location:
    Earth, The Universe
    I am constantly underestimated by my youthful look. My friends only see the part where I get out of a speeding ticket because I look so innocent. They don't see the part where I don't get into an R rated movie because the person in the ticket booth thinks my ID is a fake or the dismissive looks I get when I voice an opinion because people just assume I'm not old enough to know what I'm talking about.
     
  5. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
    Expand Collapse
    Honorary TiBette

    Reputation:
    68
    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2010
    Messages:
    4,706
    Location:
    we out
    I'm speaking hypothetically here, but "huge penises are awesome" isn't a maxim that crosses all cultures. For example, Ancient Greeks weren't really interested in large penises, which were seen as comical or goofy -- an unsurprising stance for a culture invested in anal sex.

    Even in porn, having a penis over 11 or so inches is rarely a benefit: often such appendages aren't able to sustain enough blood flow for the sort of angry erections that show up so well on camera. I think Tyler Knight alluded to this once, but for the vast majority of shoots, 9 or so inches is ideal -- large, but not enormous by any stretch. Plus, once you get to be too much bigger than that, it's impossible to go balls deep, which is the most fun part of intercourse. It's purely cosmetic, and no girl is going to kick you out of bed for having a 9 inch penis. Heck, even the biggest size queen in Chelsea would be happy with that.

    So yeah, having an enormous penis (I'm talking foot plus here, or .001% of the population, which is still 3,000 or whatever Americans) is pretty much just pure downside except in certain rare cases. Sort of how being 6'5 is awesome for getting women, but being 7'2 just makes shit awkward.
     
  6. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
    Expand Collapse
    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Reputation:
    539
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    2,858
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    I posted this in the rant thread a few months ago, but my big boobs give me problems. They're a solid D, so thankfully I don't have back issues and they're still perky, but finding bras and clothes that fit is difficult. The original post was in response to bra-shopping, where something like 6 out of 8 of the stores I went into didn't have a single D bra, and the other two only had a few options that were ugly, boring, and/or overpriced for what they were. I think the majority of shirts and dresses are cut for B or C cups, so I'm either bursting out, it doesn't fit even though it's my size, or the shape gets distorted like where it falls straight down from my boobs and I look pregnant.

    I've also gotten snarky reactions to complaining about working from home. I'm aware of the perks (just like with my boobs), but it also gets really boring, lonely, and depressing at times too.
     
  7. Aetius

    Aetius
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    496
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,945
    I'm smarter than almost everyone I meet. What a pain.
     
  8. Volo

    Volo
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    39
    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2009
    Messages:
    713
    Joke's on you. You haven't actually met any of us.

    The wife, who carries a massive pair of 36DD's, has told me on many occasions that bras are overpriced, regardless of size, or the store you're in.

    Truth be told though, there aren't a pair of breasts out there that I wouldn't find interesting, so bras shouldn't be a huge worry. Ten bucks says I'm not the only guy out there who feels this way.
     
  9. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    May 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,032
    Location:
    Earth, The Universe

    Shirts are for B and C cup people, but dresses are for fucking A cups. I'm a solid C cup, and even I have trouble finding dresses that fit me properly in the chest, which automatically leads to me looking pregnant because my boobs push the whole dress out. But that's just my experience.
     
  10. Pinkcup

    Pinkcup
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    20
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    798
    Location:
    Steel City
    Amen, honey.

    And even if you can find a dress for your DD's/D's/C's (currently straddling the C/D line; former DD+) they hang out in a way that was not intended by the fashion designer. I freaking LOVE v-neck dresses like this one, and I actually own this exact dress. But my boobs are pretty much BAM IN YOUR FACE the entire time so I end up wearing a camisole underneath as a sort of modesty panel and it sucks. Hard. I hate having to always wear things that hit just underneath my collarbone because the way dresses are usually designed make me look like I'm smuggling flesh melons.
     

    Attached Files:

  11. StayFrosty

    StayFrosty
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2010
    Messages:
    1,149

    This. I suppose being able to theoretically walk into McDonalds and successfully order a Happy Meal is greatly envied, but looking closer to 12 than 21 does have its downfalls. Namely, women laugh me off, people refuse to take me seriously, and I get ID'ed for fucking cough medicine. I'm sure it will be a great thing to have twenty years down the road (if that oh-so-scary impending Rapture doesn't happen), but for now it IS a fucking curse. The creepiest part? Getting hit on by girls who are young enough that I can probably go to hell just for being within 10 feet of them. It does happen, albeit rarely, but when it does it's fucking unnerving enough on its own. The shit I catch for it from the people who happen to witness it makes it about a dozen times more unbearable.

    Alt-Focus: I have, from time to time, been unfortunate enough to work with rich college kids. I'm referring to the "Daddy is paying for my entire private college degree, and I'm working because my parents won't pay for beer / so my parents won't think I'm taking their charitable free ride for granted even though I am" type. These are the ones who bitch about every customer who isn't awed to be helped by them, bitch at everyone who doesn't bow to them, and generally believe that the entire world owes them something. I can only hope that somewhere down the road, these types learn that there's a value to be found in hard effort and facing bad odds from time to time. Not that they will, but I can hope, right?
     
  12. Binary

    Binary
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    233
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    3,084
    I have a very high metabolism. Consequently, I find it really difficult to gain any weight or keep any weight on.

    If I'm working at it, I hover at around 160 lbs. - that's a good, healthy weight for me when I have some lean muscle and am regularly working out and eating a lot. When I was in school and working full time, the last year I just didn't have any time to work out, and I almost instantly dropped 15 lbs. - which takes me a lot of months to put back on again.

    I frequently get the, "oh, you're so lucky." Okay, so I don't look like a slob when I eat shitty foods, but I can still be unhealthy. If I eat McDonald's cheeseburgers three times a day, I'll still have hypertension. This isn't carte blanch to eat whatever I want, and it's like a full time job eating when I'm working out and trying to gain weight. While I wouldn't trade it for the opposite end of the spectrum, it'd be nice to be at a middle ground...
     
  13. Guy Fawkes

    Guy Fawkes
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    1,207
    Location:
    Nor'east USA
    I have a work schedule entirely of my own creation yet I still bitch and moan about having to "be here", "do this, do that", blah blah blah. My friends set me straight every time I open my dumb mouth with complaints about my schedule since half of them need to start commuting at 6:30 every morning.
     
  14. Juice

    Juice
    Expand Collapse
    Moderately Gender Fluid

    Reputation:
    993
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    9,751
    Location:
    Boston
    A lot of guys say Im lucky that I dont have to shave that much because I cant really grow facial hair and my skin is chick-like. Fuck those guys. I want to participate in No-Shave November and have the option to grow a big burley beard if I want to. Consequently, I also have a very youthful appearance. Im 25 and I get carded before R-rated movies, I wish I was kidding.

    Although I cant relate you ladies with your big racks, my girlfriend has the same problem where she had double D's and she constantly has painful back aches. Shes considering a reduction, of which I of course support, but a part of me will cry a little that day...
     
  15. Frank

    Frank
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    6
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    3,349
    Location:
    Connecticut
    I'll preface by recognizing that the benefits FAR outweigh the problem here, but after experiencing the highs after my last place, having a job I love. Now the pros are obvious here, you don't dread Monday mornings, you actually enjoy being there, the work is fulfilling etc. I mean christ, the two biggest problems I have with the job are the 25 minute commute (on a gorgeous scenic road no less) and the fact that the office is too hot during that in between phase where we switch from heat to AC.

    That said, because I don't dread going in to work I also don't care about leaving, there is no sense of relief when I finish a days worth of work and am free to go home, it's a very 'meh' feeling, especially since I work on a flexible schedule and pretty much come and go as I please. Thinking back to my last job I remember the rush that was Friday at 5PM, there was no greater feeling knowing I didn't have to go back to that shit hole until the following week. Now, my only reaction is "oh, I guess I won't be coming in tomorrow huh?" The days, months and weeks just kind of bleed together because I have no real escapes to look forward to. Before, the only thing necessary to make a weekend feel special was that I didn't have to go into work, so every weekend was special. Now I actually have to plan something kick ass to look forward to the weekend, otherwise Saturday is just another day.

    I KNEW IT!
     
  16. BL1Y

    BL1Y
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    1
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2010
    Messages:
    2,012
    Oh my gosh, you have a law degree? Why don't you want to be a lawyer?

    ...Same reason why no one wants to be on the practice squad for an arena football team. Sure, you get to call yourself a "professional football player," but it's just a title. Unless you really like the game, it just feels like constantly getting the shit beat out of you for very little reward.
     
  17. mya

    mya
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    142
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    2,942
    Add me to the big boob and hate it list. My size is kind of odd (32DD) so bras are difficult to find and cost an arm and a leg, plus all the other complaints that others have made. Scooter's friend, I disagree with her, bras in large sizes aren't built for sexy but usually for support so it is difficult to find something fun and flirty. I haven't slept w/o a bra on since I was probably 16 or so. Buying clothes is difficult. Not only for the reasons given here, but also because putting of pretty much anything that a normal person can wear makes you look like a porn star. Kind of sucks in the professional world.

    I won't complain about guys talking to my chest or not being taking seriously because I haven't really noticed that this is too much of a problem.

    I also have the ability to predict what will happen (like fry) based on decisions. I have the flakiest family in the world. I always try to give them advice, they never take it, exactly what I said will happen, happens. Frustrating to see people you care about making mistakes (over and over again) and not being able to do anything to prevent it.
     
  18. Rob4Broncos

    Rob4Broncos
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    8
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,846
    Location:
    Brooklyn
    "Like I'd ever let YOU do anal. Jesus. My colon's never done anything to bother me. Why would I throw it under the bus like that?"

    A compliment, no doubt. But it can be a buzzkill from time to time. Luckily, I've dated girls who were far less inhibited. So, hooray!
     
  19. Trickysista

    Trickysista
    Expand Collapse
    Disturbed

    Reputation:
    27
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    380
    Location:
    the burbs, PA
    I'm an only child. I can't even count the times I heard growing up, "OH! You're so lucky you don't have any brothers or sisters!!" Yeah, that's all well and good until I wanted to stay out with my friends but I couldn't because my overprotective parents would FREAK OUT about everything. Or until a parent gets sick and I'm the only one to take care of them. My mom is an only child as well and she has NO help with taking care of my grandmother who refuses to be put in a home. There's no way I'm looking forward to that. Although it was pretty cool not having to share my shit when I was growing up.

    Also add me to the boob train. Shopping for bathing suits? Yeah right. It's online shopping for this girl because every store carries suits that only an underdeveloped 13-yr. old could fit into.
     
  20. BeCoolBitch_BeCool

    BeCoolBitch_BeCool
    Expand Collapse
    Disturbed

    Reputation:
    1
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    301
    Being middle-class and white. Sure, I don't have any real problems to worry about. But it also means I don't have anything interesting to rap about. Mo' polos from American Eagle Mo' problems.