She showed you her tits? You dog you. Spring break party at a friends house, with Spring break two weeks behind us. Fuck it, it's finally Spring.
Getting the house ready for our home study this weekend. Basically a 4 hour interview to determine if we're suitable parents for adoption. I had to fill out a 10 page survey, and one of the questions was "What would you change about your wife?" I could've gone two ways with this, honesty or super sugary bullshit. Seeing how honesty is the best policy, I chose that. Boy was that a stupid idea. She showed my survey to all her friends and her family. Now I look like an ass and she made me white it out and redo it. To match her bullshit "I wouldn't change a thing" blah blah blah. I consider myself somewhat intelligent, but after 4 years of marriage, I'm still fucking retarded about women.
I just got back from my lindy lesson. My new friend that is teaching me the basics of this variation is a very unsettling fellow. He always has this intense, wide-eyed look on his face and it makes me nervous. I'm finally loosening up a little, which is important to do when you're on someone dancing, but Jesus Christ. He needs to smoke some serious weed before he sees me next time. Whiskey in my belly? Check.
My sister had a pet hamster named Sake.(like the rice wine) She had it for about a year and a half. We were on a road trip and we had to bring the thing for some god-damned reason. I was watching it in its cage and out of no where, it started to breathe a little funny, and then it just fucking died. Seemingly in perfect health. It was energetic and everything and then, bam...dead. She was more shocked than she was sad, at first. And then she cried for about 20 minutes. We pulled off the next exit on the highway and buried her in a french fry container from Burger King in the dirt next to a Dairy Queen parking lot. I went in for some ice cream. My mom thought she had read somewhere, that they sometimes fake being dead when they get startled. I assured her she was thinking of the wrong creature, and I witnessed it's last breath, but she made my dad go and exhume the body anyway. Mom and I were waiting in line and my dad was walking in to give us the further bad news. I looked back out the window of the DQ and he did that hand across the throat gesture to tell us that it was really dead. I had a peanut butter cup blizzard.
Just realized I had the ingredients for a "Long Island Iced Tea." I've heard horror stories, which is why I stayed away for years. But, I'm in Texas; I LOVE iced tea. Specifically, sweet tea. But alcohol-ladden tea is also a tempting alternative. Eventually, something's gotta give. 1 part vodka (used Stoli) 1 part gin (Bombay) 1 part rum (Bacardi) 1 part tequilla (jose cuervo) 1 part triple sec 1.5 parts sweet and sour (used 1 part) splash of coke (used coke) squeeze of lemon This shit is heavenly. Yes, it tastes like a chick drink, but come on, it's got everything awesome in the world contained within! Next round I'm going to remove the triple sec and add jim beam, then see how that goes. I like my drinks to taste like drinks, damnit! I will post updates as this thing proceeds to kick my ass. I have the feeling I'm about to drunkenly post in the nancy boy thread about how an iced tea whooped me stupid and fucked me in the ass.
The fat guy upstairs somehow made the whole place shake with this walking. I thought it was an earthquake. In honor of the Mexican quake last week I am drinking tequila. There for I shook the bottle.
God. Damn. Remind me to buy weed from Jamaicans more often. I mean, wow. SamR, You are now getting hooked on the douchiest drink in the entire fucking solar system. Kudos. Now put on a neckerchief and yell "Fabulous!" a lot.
Fucking Oklahoma City Police. Apparently some bitch decided that she wanted to do a documentary on driving drunk and DUI's (she could have just asked me: They suck), and now there are cops out in force with mobile checkpoints. It's pretty ridiculous, the bar that we went to was absolutely dead for a Friday night. So now we have a nice stash of Coors Light, and I will be drinking alone in my room with my new non-wireless internet connection. Hello Porn on one screen, video games on the other.
Headed to bed early since I gotta be up in about 4 hours. Early, early day means getting to the beach early and drinking the whole time!! Enjoy y'alls nights, and here's a little sumthin sumthin to start this thread off right:
I'm going to be bitching about exams for the next month. I apologize in advance, I guess. In related news, unbridled optimism this week as I plopped down a deposit for a $1300 class trip to Mexico next December. I have never taken a beach resort vacation of this sort before - usually been something rugged, manly and outdoorsy like skiing and camping. Nothing to do but sit on the beach, drink scotch (holy jesus christer there had better be scotch) and smoke cigars. Between this and hopefully a trip to Germany this summer, shit, I'm almost going to be worldly. I am reminded that I saw this advert earlier this week and needed to share it:
Went to some battle of the bands at the school. Dear Jesus, the absolute worst things I've ever heard. I could have gotten up there and played with my dick and sounded better than the bullshit that these 2 bits were strumming. They were almost all cover bands too, which was...great... One band did a cover of Soulja Boy. What the fuck.
Hey guys, Sorry I've been slacking. New job and all that shit has really taken me away from the board. As much as I hate to say it, new employers for some reason do not like TiB. On that note: Spoiler
Apparently my scrote is huge. Like humongous, huge. Don't ask how my ballsack made an appearance, it just does... all the time. Randy Marsh was right. Women love huge balls. Anyone ever had 4 LOKO? Fuck my balls it is awesome. You know what else is awesome? Leftovers. If I had to choose between divine forgiveness and leftover chicken, I'd choose the chicken. Fuck that fasting honkey. Edite: I guess I should post a hot redhead who has her ass spread open: NSFW
Jesus would never say that. NOTE: Look at her vagina. It may be the creepiest thing I've seen in a while.
That's a hot redhead in your eyes? Jesus christ there is everything wrong with that picture i am never getting erect again