Because I am a man, I subscribe to Sports Illustrated. Because I am ADD, the first thing I read in it is the last, brief column: "Point After." The latest installment, "Banned in Brazil," is about what absurd things and activities different teams and coaches are or will be banning during the World Cup. For example, Mexico's team can't eat red meat, drink alcohol, or have sex during the WC. The Italian coach has recommended his players not use Twitter. Iran won't let their players engage in the traditional jersey exchange with their opponents after each match (because they can only afford so many jerseys, apparently). The Brazilian coach will allow players to engage in "normal" sex but not "acrobatic" sex. The U.S. coach banned Landon Donovan. At the end of the article, the author Michael Rosenberg asked (for twitter) "What would you ban if you were a World Cup coach"? Great question, but we can do a lot fucking better. Especially if we expand it a little. Focus: (First, assume labor laws etc don't apply so no one can sue you or anything and no one will boycott.) If you were a coach, what would you ban? What about a CEO? President of a University? Frat or Sorority head? Commissioner of a sport? Owner of a bar? Fishing guide? Porn Director? Use your imagination.
So with the WC coming up... Easy. Sepp Blatter. Ban him from his own tournament for being a horrible, corrupt piece of shit who is slowly ruining association football. He cannot die soon enough. World Cup in Qatar? What the fuck, you old piece of shit? England or the United States would have been far better hosts (Qatar has a horrible human rights record too - I conservatively guess 50000 workers will die building those stadia...). Also, STILL no TMO's (television match officials)? Why is that Mr. Blatter? Everyone has been asking for them for at least a decade now. England got fucked in the last WC thanks to no TV refs - Lampard's goal was in, not out, you shitcunt. TV Refs. NOW. Every single other major ball sport I'm familiar with (cricket, rugby - possibly also NFL, baseball and ice hockey) has them. Instead, you have two useless twats behind the goals that do NOTHING. Bring the TV refs already. Spainish National Football Team. Horribly boring tiki-taka bullshit football. They win by boring other teams into comas. They MUST NOT be allowed to win a 2nd consecutive World Cup (and 4th international trophy on the bounce, since they won Euro 2008, WC 2010, Euro 2012...).
I would ban private/secret salary discussions. If I were a CEO, I would make salaries a well-advertised facet of each position, especially senior management. Not only does this make the company pay more equitably, it gets rid of the tendency to underpay women and minorities and makes people understand what they are worth. It also makes fair negotiating, as opposed to this closeted, Nazi-spy secret shit that I'm used to seeing. I would also ban owners in the NFL from making player decisions. Hire a coach or twenty and a general manager, but stay the fuck out of the player decisions. It's too close to slavery (a bunch of old, rich white men picking the youngest, strongest black men-it's fucking creepy) and it doesn't do the franchises or fans any favors. I hate the owners and their semi-celebrity status, and the franchises that I respect (the Ravens, for starters) let an awesome and respected GM take care of the players. If I was any sports team, professional or otherwise, I would issue a TEAM account for all social media, and an individual account would get you fined per post. If you want to be a media darling, fine, pay the guys in the trenches that no one knows first, and put the extra money towards the salaries of the PR guys who clean up the mess. I think it would be interesting for the fans to see the team's interactions and discussions, and I'm sick of individual athletes having Twitter-induced "scandals" by saying something racist, homophobic or flat out retarded.
I'm currently in Poland for some commitment we made with them via NATO. Right now I can only drink 2 12oz alcoholic beverages per 24 hour period (I already checked if I could just get 24oz of liquor to sneak past the fine print, no go on that). Midnight curfew. Not allowed to walk outside the hotel without two other people at any time of the day. It's not any less safe here than any other part of Europe but because a couple idiots got the shit kicked out of them after they started a fight with some football brawlers we all suffer. We find a way around the rules or just blatantly break them. The only thing rules like this accomplish are punishing everyone else who did nothing wrong. Retards are gonna be retards. Let them do retarded shit and when they do punish those individuals and replace them with people you can rely on.
And this differs from any other soccer team, how? Seriously, I can't even imagine a scenario in which one soccer team could be more boring than the others. "This patch of grass here grows at a much more boring rate than that patch of grass over there. Watch and see."
It becomes a lively sport when the fans decide to get it on the action. Have you ever seen what home soccer fans do to the opposition on this planet we live on? Death is not considered a serious injury.
How dare you! Football (not soccer you heathen) is the world's past time! It's a passionate game with a rich history, and a fervent fan base. and international acclaim...Yeah you're right that shit is occasionally televised NyQuill.
So it's only exciting when you watch the crowd, not the actual game going on. Got it. To quote Hank Rutheford Hill, "Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking."
Ban Gary Bettman. Under his tenure the league has seen 4 separate lockouts, only 3 teams make a profit, and several teams are in life support. He has continued to force expansion on areas that don't want and can't sustain an NHL team such as Phoenix, Miami, Atlanta, Nashville, etc. They guy is destroying the league from within, he must be banned.
I hate Bettman as much as the next guy, but you are wrong here. In the 2012/13 season 19 teams made a profit.
I should of qualified my statement, I meant a significant profit. Most teams are treading water. Only three teams are making decent profits, the rest are making enough to keep it going.