35 years ago I was banned from my Mother's vagina (and uterus) and as far as I know I've never been welcomed back. Whatever mom, I'll just go find another one.
In junior high, every kid is a douchebag. We had taken a school trip to Disney World and a few of us thought it'd be funny to freak out in The Haunted Mansion. The part when you first enter, and everyone's standing in the dark room (with the ceiling that raises) my buddy and I started losing it. Pounding on the walls, yelling "The Power of Christ Compels You", stupid shit everyone thinks is funny at that age. We got escorted out a side door by a kid with a flashlight, told if we come back to this attraction we'd be kicked from the park, and we went on our merry way high-fiving each other. Douches indeed.
ALT FOCUS: Heh. Apart from spammers and blatant trolls, I never really liked banning people on the rmmb. It was way more fun to fuck with their avatar or their signature or their rep and watch them explode and then ban them when they stopped being funny. None the less - because I was on at slightly different times from most of the mods - I managed to end up leading the unofficial ban-tally fairly often because I was the only one on when people were being retarded. I don't think I've ever been banned from anywhere for anything noteworthy. I got banned once from the tmmb for calling Tucker's Cousin mean names before I was a mod. And when I was 11, I got caught stealing a coke from a corner store and was banned from there. I've done lots of shit that should have gotten me banned from places, but I either didn't get caught, or I made enough people laugh that I got away with it.
I was kicked out of Wal-Mart when I was 16 for starting a touch football game in the seasonal department. A band I played in was banned from a local BW3's for allegedly sexually harassing a waitress and stealing tip money. It wasn't true, but we weren't heartbroken enough to argue our case.
I'm technically banned from all Targets. When I was 13 or 14 I got caught shoplifting. I was more worried about the fact that I had a bowl and a bunch of pot in my bag and I knew they were going to search me. So, when I was in the little interrogation room, I held the bowl through the bag and turned it upside down so that everything else, including garbage, fell onto the table. He was not inclined to investigate further. I don't know how I did it, but I somehow turned into someone totally cool, calm and collected under pressure, and I managed to get away with basically a slap on the wrist. I remember mostly chatting with him about The Simpsons episode where Bart got caught stealing, and he kept clearly getting flustered by remembering he was supposed to be reprimanding me and tried to get things back on track only for me to change the course of the conversation again. He said that I wasn't allowed in Target anymore, but he never took my picture or even my name. I was pretty pleased with myself.
I'm banned from this place: http://www.dreamlandkaraoke.com. The night of my brother's Buck's Party, we'd booked out a poolhall with a bar, had a few girls there, and generally gotten absolutely wrecked. It turns out that the strippers were actually friends with one of the gay dudes we had with us, so after we left the poolhall they came on our bus with us and headed to the Kareoke bar. If you click on that link, you can see why 30-odd really drunk white guys with 4 scantily-clad women might look somewhat out of place. The lone bouncer was on us from the minute we walked in the door. After a few warnings for heckling the singers and generally being obnoxious, his patience was clearly running a little thin. However, it's fair to say that even he was surprised when my brother, incited by a few too many shots and a truly awful version of 'My Heart Will Go On', spear tackled the singer off the stage. The singer's friends got involved, but were outnumbered about 6 to 1, so it never really went anywhere. The bouncer, realising that 30-1 was not likely to end in his favour and thinking remarkably quickly, offered to buy me and a couple of the other less obviously rampaging crew a shot of some weird silver tequila if we would just get everyone out quietly. It's the only time a bouncer has ever ejected me by buying me liquor.
I got kicked out of http://www.thewhiskeynightclub.com/ this past Halloween. Apparently, they don't appreciate you pretty much dry humping a fellow Greek-costumed bro in a booth. Oops. I was moderately embarrassed at the time; however, now I just find it more amusing in a "How is this my life?" kind of way.
Myself and 17 other young men and women were banned from 1 Wal-Mart, 1 Zellers, 2 Burger Kings, 1 McDonalds, and 1 men's clothing store I cannot remember the name of, in Rimouski. The reason? An 18-man dart gun fight in each establishment, courtesy of the Wal-Mart's dollar section. We split into 3 teams of 6 and fought until we got kicked out of each place, at which point most of the darts had been lost and we moved onto different activities. Oh yeah, and I'm also banned from SGI* for telling a Claims Adjuster that I was going to jump across his desk, gouge out his eyeballs and skull fuck him if he didn't stop trying to rip me off on a claim. It was at that point that I realized I was really and truly fucked, and that security was on their way to escort me from the building. *SGI is my provincial auto insurance company
I, like another member, was banned from my local library. I mean, they had plenty of reasons to ban me (I used to get about 30 people together, and mob the place and play a big loud game of marco polo, or climb onto the roof and moon people through the sky light) but one day after arriving to take out a book for a summer project, they told me I had a late fee I needed to clear up. What late fee? This is the first time I'm borrowing a book, what are they smoking? Turns out, another kid with the same name only a year older than me really, really, REALLY likes dirt bike books. Likes about 5 of them so much he didn't wanna return them. They blame me, and give me a fine coming close to triple digits. Fuck that. I went home, told my Dad, and that night he waited in a squad car for the library to close up. Next day I went in, it was all cleared and I could get that project out of the way. I guess to them, letting that late book thing slide is better than hundreds of dollars in summonses on their crappy Hyundai's.
As far as I know I am still banned from the Guiness Brewery in Dublin. Myself and a friend found our way into a function room on one of the floors and proceeded to help ourselves to about 10 or 11 pints of Guiness each over a significant period.
I'm banned from WarChant.com. Made one innocent post, that some mod apparently took offense to, and poof I was gone.
I was banned from a local Mall for a month because I was going over 10 mph in the parking lot. He followed me until I parked, he told me that I was going to fast and not to do it again. I then told him I wanted to see his radar gun for proof that I was speeding. It didn't sit well with him. He escorted me and the car off the property. I never did go back to the mall, in my car, that month. I was worried that since it was a small mall that they would have nothing better to do than to search me out.
--Like many of you, I was banned numerous times from the RMMB, and every time it was a permanent ban. After trying (and failing) to get the ban on my regular user account lifted, I would make a new account every day, and fuck with the stupid mods who were doing the banning. That went on for a few weeks until the whole site folded like the poorly made house of cards that it was. --I was banned from a local public pool one summer: About 10 years ago, I was going to the pool with my ex-wife, but before the fuckwad, I mean lifeguard, would let me in, she demanded that I show her the crotch netting on my swimsuit. Despite my repeated requests for explaination, she would not clarify the reason why this was necessarry. So I showed her something alright; I showed her my swimsuit netting by completely pulling down the front of my shorts, exposing not only the netting in question, but my gear as well. She was shocked. She called her supervisor, and they didn't let me into the pool again. My ex-wife was pissed at me, but she got over it. The joke was on the lifeguards though: After that, my ex-wife and I would sneak into the pool at night and go skinny dipping, and would have sex all over everything we could find (raise your hand if you have ever had sex on a 10 foot tall diving board!), and I would always make sure to pull out and cum on the lifeguards' tables and chairs. --Me and one of my highschool buddys were kicked out of a Toys 'R Us one time. We skipped school one day, got high, and started just driving around looking for mischief. We ended up in a Toys 'R Us and started trying out everything we could: Nerf dart guns, sports equipment, skateboards and bikes, you name it. The last straw was when we decided to joust with foam swords while riding pogo sticks. My buddy crashed into a display loaded with video games, and we were kicked out and told to never return. A couple of weeks later I returned with another friend, and we shoplifted some KISS action figures (that guy was totally into hair-metal). --I was expelled from college for one semester for using a telephone: One day when I was just starting college, I had a doctor's appointment later in the day. I had the phone number written down, but I didn't remember the time of the appointment or the address. I didn't have any change for a pay phone, so I looked for an office where I could use the phone. It was the lunch hour though, and every office I came to was closed, so I made up my mind: I would open on of the locked doors. At the next office I came to, I took out a small wrench that I keep on my keychain, and I used it to slide open the latch on the door. I went to a cubicle, and there was a girl sitting at her desk eating lunch, and she seemed shocked to see me, and was acting really weird. She asked me how I got in, and I lied and said the door was unlocked. She let me use the phone, and I left and met up with some friends in the computer lab. About 5 minutes later, a security guard came up and told me that I had to go with him to the head of securitys' office. I figured it was probably about all of the parking tickets I had, but it turned out that the office I went to WAS THE CASHIER'S OFFICE WHERE ALL OF THE SCHOOL'S FUNDS WERE KEPT. They thought that I went in there as a practice run for a robbery I was planning. The head of security (George McCaleb, a complete douchebag) was absolutely livid when I insisted that I was just trying to use the phone, and said that I was just insulting his intelligence. So a couple of days later I got another call to an official office, where I was told that I was expelled for the rest of the semester. The next semester I returned, and soon after that I got a job there for the next four years. McCaleb was not pleased with that, but fuck him.
I feel severe annoyance by having to sign up for a user account to any website just once, no matter how frequently I plan to visit that site, yet you made the effort to re-register every single day just so you could "mess with the mods?" You definitely didn't have an unhealthy obsession with that place. No siree. Oh, I'm seeing the pattern. Okay. A lack of understanding of cause and effect is a symptom of mental psychosis. Notice that Dixiebandit did not decide to "break into a secure office" but to simply "open an unlocked door." Notice that this was his second option after "pay for the call via a pay phone," and that there were no options in between. Yeah. I just want to point out to my friends here at TiB what an unstable mind looks like. This is it.
I have been waiting all day for a mental health professional that specializes in knee-jerk diagnosis! Thank God you've showed up to save us, sir. We were all in danger! This lunatic thinks he can post anecdotal stories topical to the thread at hand......and get away with it. What kind of crazypants idea is that? Clearly he's fucking psychotic. Focus: I can't believe I forgot about all of the trolling I do over at mensactivism.org. I'm not even linking to the site...fuck those guys. For a bunch of dudes who are convinced that they're being oppressed/women are inferior/they're so fucking brilliant, they sure do get awful butthurt really quickly. And they throw down the banhammer when it becomes obvious that they're not winning an argument....hilariously immature.
By the same token I just got banned from a feminist blog. It amuses me when two adversarial groups have no idea how fucking identical they are.
It amuses me that you think feminists and man-rights activists are identical. Couldn't be farther from the truth, kiddo. If you don't mind me asking, which blog? Focus: Also trolled the Christian Domestic Discipline site (passed the strenuous approval process to join way back when it was tough to become a poster) only to have those women take my trolling seriously and PM me constantly about my supposedly abusive spouse. I admitted I was a fraud because I felt bad for the outpouring of online support I was getting, and then I promptly got banned. C'est la vie.
Kiddo? You're 24 little lady. And yes, they are identical: echo chambers designed to support the notion that their own grievances are the most important thing ever. Their framings are identical, their tactics are identical, their thought patterns are identical.
Slightly derailing the thread, but whatever. Many people don't realise that when you have two opposing philosophies they can usually be represented not in a straight line but in a circle with a small break (so a big fucking curved line). Moderateness is in the middle. The extremes of either are at the end. The thing is; the more extreme the opposites, the more they are the same in practice (when you add the fuckup element of human nature). Extreme feminism is like extreme misogyny; one side just has boobs and one side has a dick.
There's a local club that me all my friends used to frequent when we just turned 18. Because the club in question gives a lot of money to the State Government, they basically get away with being a mini casino, and is quite well known in New South Wales. There's over 100 poker machines, Blackjack machines, Roulette etc. and at the moment I'm pretty sure it's developing some hotel rooms, on top of a supermarket, as well as having a gym and a concert hall. Obviously this place tried to maintain a certain level of classiness that preceded the local pubs and RSL Clubs in the area (In other words, not really the place you could just get drunk). Unfortunately for them, this place was geographically perfect as the last stop for our local pub crawl. I realise everyone has been kicked out and banned from a pub/club before, but this story is a little different. On one of our particular pubcrawls, I got so drunk I started doing forward rolls around the gaming area. Instead of walking from the Blackjack table to the Roulette machine, I thought the better method of transport would be a forward roll. I think the clincher to getting kicked out was when I took a running start and managed to complete 5 or so consecutive rolls towards the bar, where I stood up, and then fell on somebody in the line from being so dizzy. Again, standard story of intoxication, ending in me being escorted from the venue. However, a couple of months later, a couple of my friends who were interested in doing some bar work, went and completed the compulsory RSA (Responsible Service of Alcohol) course that all Australians are required to complete before they can work behind a bar. It's basically a day long course where you're taught the dos and donts of alcohol service. Having done one of these courses myself, it's fair to say that some pretty good stories are told about drunk people. It just so happened that this story of me doing the forward rolls, was told to this class of 50+ people, during my friends course. I'm particularly proud of this effort.