I'm a big fan of nature documentaries. While I'll watch anything from geology to pet science; my favorites, and the ones I watch most frequently, have always been the documentaries that are either about predators ripping the wildlife around them to shreds, and those that are about the behavior of the world's most intelligent animals in the wild. Recently, I was considering which of these animals are the most badass, and I don't think there's any topping the honey badger. - They're highly intelligent. - They weigh, on average, about 25 pounds and will kill just about anything. - They have a hide so tough it can withstand arrows, spears, and machete blows. - The Guinness book of records called them "the most fearless animal in the world". - Despite living in an environment that contains the planet's most vicious predators, unless old or injured natural predation on the honey badger is almost non-existent. - They have a loose hide they can easily rotate in. When a large predator like a lion gets a hold of one it rotates around and claws at their eyes, or tries to castrate them. - They can shrug off the venom from most poisonous snakes. Sometimes they pass out, but just pop back up again. - They're known to seek out fights with animals 30x their size or more, for no discernible reason other than to be an asshole. Just watch these little fuckers in action. Spoiler: Gay man explains the honey badger Spoiler: Two honey badgers fight pride of lions Spoiler: Honey badger kills python because yum Spoiler: Honey badger repeatedly outsmarts trapper Focus: What is your favorite animal and why? Bonus points for cool videos of them in action. Alt Focus: What animals do you hate? I'm kind of hoping for animals that just suck in general rather than for being scary, or being gross, but whatever makes despise them.
Tricked the wife into watching this video (thanks Canis!) before we got a bunch of ducks. Ducks are badasses.... if rape is considered badass.
Focus: my favorite animal is a snake. Any snake really, I find them fascinating. When I was in elementary school one of those traveling zookeepers visited and when they asked who wanted to handle the python my hand went up quicker than a middle schooler's boner. Yeah, turns out I was literally the only one volunteering. So I got to hold this massive constrictor, which I was terrified of but figured it would be cool so yeah, fuck it, let's do this. No sooner did I the asshole zookeeper dude put it in my arms, than the fucking idiot turned his head and it started wrapping around my arm with more force than I thought anything was capable of... he got it off, but from that moment forward I thought snakes were badass. I still handle the ones I find around the ranch as long as they aren't poisonous. Scares the crap out of my wife when I come into the with like a 3 ft rat snake I'm holding behind the head. "But I just wanted to show you want I found! Look honey isn't it so sweet!" as it's like actively trying to bite me. I just got a diamond back rattlesnake tattooed on my chest (as part of a version of the Gadsden Flag). If they're in the immediate yard, I kill them because I consider them a danger to my son and pets. But if I find them around the place and a safe distance away from the house, yeah, fair game for me to watch for a while. Alt. Focus: fuck scorpions. I've been stung too many times to count and the sting really isn't that bad, but something about them just creeps me the fuck out. They're the Steve Buscemi of nature. Horrible to look at, don't do anyone or anything any good. Yet they're. fucking. everywhere. Can't get rid of them. Also when it's especially dry outside, they find their way into the house. I've been known to patrol the yard with a black light and ratshot in my .22. Yeah, I could probably kill them with my shoe or a bat, but gotta make sure they're extra dead by shooting them.
Southern Royal Albatross On land, they look like giant goofy seagulls. In the air their 11'6" wingspan is the biggest on earth, they lock them like switchblades and absolutely shred the air around them for thousands of miles without flapping once, as if they're powered by reactionless drive. They are the greatest flying machine on the planet, tough as nails, living for six decades in the Arctic Ocean. They are also hilariously tame:
Focus: Dogs, it should be obvious why. Alt-Focus: Canadian geese. Anyone who has worked at or been to a golf course, maybe decided to visit a park on a pleasant day or just saw millions of them hanging out, knows why they suck.
Katocoochie calls them "sky carp." Best description I've ever heard. They're annoying as shit, and they poop more than any animal ever should. Taste great though.
Holy fuck, kids. Hitchcock has NOTHING on this. This is the most suspenseful, nail-biting and sweat-inducing footage I've ever seen. The camera work is beyond phenomenal, and the music perfect. Hold on to something:
Ok, that was awesome. Don't know if I can quite match that, but the great white shark seal chases are up there. Orcas are among the fascinating predators in the wild. They will hunt anything, including great whites. They kill them by inducing tonic immobility. This sends off a signal to other sharks in the area that causes them to vacate (likely an evolutionary response to incoming hurricanes/storms). In areas like the California coast this rids them of competition for prey like elephant seals. Some marine biologists think they're just hunting, but you look at how smart they are and the cultural diversity among regional packs, and the theory that they know full well what they're doing actually seems plausible. They eat very little of the great white sharks they kill. They have hundreds of different hunting methods, and likely dozens more that aren't yet documented. They're called the wolves of the sea, but watching them in action is nothing like watching a pack of wolves. Whole different level of strategy. There's even footage of them trying to take down blue whales. Here's them killing a tiger shark, which was another of example of "Oh, we didn't know they killed those too." This is a more in depth look at a few of their hunting methods.