for the record, its not being split up and down, but across. It's tattooed to look like a dragon, he is crating essentially a dragons mouth. Penis splitting results in the two portions being able to move independent of the other. I'm looking forward to demanding he make it roar for my amusement.
Just to clarify - Fucked in the head is not how I would describe the guy in question - either to his face (because he could kick my ass without half trying) or as any actual reflection of my opinions. (And I know he's not reading this, because he doesn't read). I think the guy is a really nice guy who's for the most part very grounded. But I stand by my comments that Whatever issues he has, they're pretty fucking exotic issues that I'd be surprised if a qualified psychiatrist who'd done a full clinical assessment of the guy would be able to diagnose, or even describe them accurately. We're just friendly acquaintances and while I know a bit about psychology - I'm not a professional, I'm not qualified and I'm only barely self educated. I certainly can't make any attempt at detailing his issues. That said - I highly doubt that anyone reading this could honestly say that they don't have some issues. There's a big difference between having some issues, having some pretty serious issues and being fucked in the head - at least to my way of seeing things. I know people who are full blown, fucked in the head bunny boilers. The guy who likes doing painful shit to his dick doesn't rate as a head fucked in comparison. Not even close.
I realize that you do not have a whole lot of experience/personal knowledge on this issue but when you say their are guys who have had it done by a backyard practitioner, are these people in your area that you might know or know a friend of a friend, or people that you've heard about online? Either way, if you have had relationships with anybody close enough to know people that have had their shit cut off have you heard any stories of regret? Another question, and this might seem like a stupid question but I still have to ask. Are either of you able to get off on what most would call "normal" or conventional sex? Also, thanks for this thread. This is a look into a world that I know nothing about and is absolutely intriguing.
I've met people who've had it done and I've met people who claimed to have done it. I've not personally witnessed it being done and would absent myself from any occasion where it was happening - I don't want anything to do with the aftermath of that shit. And I haven't heard any stories of regret either - but I'm not terribly close to anyone who's been down that route. I've heard transgendered women express regret after the fact - but that's pretty fucking rare as well. You need to be very convincing to get the proceedure done in the first place. Which requires being pretty convinced yourself that it's what you want. Yes - with some reservations. There's some power exchange to any kind of sex, who's on top - who chooses positions, who holds who's hands down, who slaps the other and calls her a whore or pulls her hair and demands to know if she loves being fucked like a slut. I'm bald - so obviously I don't like people pulling my hair. And yes we have sex without name calling, slapping or choking as well and it's still all kinds of awesome. But there's still some elements of power exchange and some stuff that doesn't work for me because of the way the power exchange would play out.
I don't know anyone well who has managed to convince a kinkster to cut their bits off. There was a poster a few years back on a message board we posted on who claimed he has a dominatrix cut him- but he never ponied up with pics to prove it. Absolutely. It might be a little rougher, or include a little choking or slapping, but missionary penis in vagina is still a wonderful thing.
Where does the sex begin / play end? Like when do you go from flogging the shit out of someone to fucking them? Like say with a dom that *does* fuck their clientele. Hopefully you can see where I'm coming from here and elaborate on that. Thanks.
I've actually been reading a good bit on BDSM (I'm a psych nerd, so the whole psychology behind "deviant" sexualities, as well as the biology behind sub/Top space is fascinating to me- plus I'm from a tiny town and rarely run across anyone who openly identifies as anything other than a vanilla straight), so I'm glad to see y'all open this thread back up, and I'm excited about the blog. Scootah touched on this a little earlier, but do you ever run across people in the scene who you feel like would need therapy if they were not involved in it some way? For example, are there guys/girls that you feel like would be abusing women/men were they not able to find a consensual outlet that allows them to hit someone in an S&M context? Conversely, do you ever run across people that you feel like should be dealing with their issues in a traditional therapy context instead of via the scene- for example, a girl engaging in age play that has serious daddy issues? What do you consider to be legitimate taboos? You've discussed your hard limits, but do you feel like there are some cultural sexual taboos that are there for a reason? You've both mentioned a hard limit being kids, which would be an example of a taboo and a hard limit, but you also mention scat play- do you feel that it's a sexual taboo (is it frowned upon for a reason) or is it just something that you choose to stay away from personally, but think the cultural resistance to it is silly? What about incest? I'm also curious about what exactly you can control as dungeon monitors. I know that you're looking out for respect of the safe word, as well as making sure that nobody's hitting/branding/whatevering in an unsafe manner, but what about aftercare? First off, do you believe it's a necessity? (I recently read a female sub arguing that she absolutely didn't want aftercare, much less need it, and all the D/s'ers went nuts about how it's crucial to any sort of power exchange play.) Secondly, if you feel that a bottom/sub (or Dom/Top, for that matter) isn't getting the aftercare they need, do you also feel that as dungeon monitors it's your place to talk to the person's partner and require they give aftercare, though you don't know necessarily know their personal dynamic? Do you feel like you should step in and provide that care in place of their partner? Or is this a part of the (after-)scene that you feel like you should stay out of? Do you know of anyone who's involved in a true total power exchange relationship, and do you feel like those can work in a healthy way? Finally, as a boring vanilla, is there a place that I can ask these kinds of questions where I won't be viewed as judgmental, but genuinely curious? Besides you two, of course- even though you're awesome for answering these questions!
Wow- great, but heavy questions! We do often run into people that just trigger every "keep away" warning bell we posses. Dominants that are just fuckwits who use BDSM to find prey. Sometimes this is relatively harmless, middle aged married man looking to get some pretty young 20 year old for discrete kinky sex on the side. Sometimes it feels more serious then that- I can name at least one Femme Dom who should have, long before know, been charged with domestic assault, as what she does is not S&M- it's abuse. More commonly, we run into broken girls, who for various reasons turn to S&M to find a partner when unable to find a fulfilling "vanilla" relationship. Some of these girls are simply lonely and desperate- but some of them are genuinely and fundamentally psychologically broken. Our radar is very good at detecting the broken wings early on. We stay well away from such characters, though I have been known to have a quiet chat to a friend of ours, who is a kinkster herself- and also a therapist, in the hopes that befriending the person might lead them to some help. But I'm not qualified to fix emotional damage, and quite purposefully keep well away from the crazy- I actively remove such drama from my life. I've studied biology- incest is taboo for good reason. That said, I've seen many odd combinations in the past decade- mother/daughter dominatrix teams, sisters who are wayyyy to close, brothers who beat each other. Scat is, to the best of my knowledge, unhygienic. That extends to not cross contaminating with anal either. Once it is in the ass, it is not inserted elsewhere till clean. Some people play with this and never have an issue with it. But I'm not chancing it. All of the things I list as limits are taboo to me. But I try very very hard not to actively judge what other people choose to do amongst consenting adults. It might squick me, but I do my best not to make that visible if we happen to be present at the same event. I'm sure some others find it god-awful to watch me pierce or cut our boy and play in his blood, as well! We stay away from people who are HIV positive, have Herpes, HepC, etc. That is a personal choice- it IS possible to play with such people in a safe fashion, but we agree that it is too much work- and an unecessary risk. Again, some people do not find such things barriers and adjust their play to work around the risk as best as possible. As DM's, we are there to help with crowd control- ensuring people do not crowd in on a scene and run the risk of getting hit with a weapon- or occasionally, blood splatter. We also ensure people- usually newcomers- do not interrupt play to ask a question. We are often people's first point of contact when they do have a question about play they have seen- or merely something they have heard talk of. We watch play for safety- esp important during edgy play like blood scene- making sure the area and the onlookers stay safe and clean. We listen for safewords and interrupt if they are ignored- but sometimes we have to intervene even if a safeword has not been used. Often bottoms will be so far wrapped up in the scene that they are unable to speak. If play looks like it has gotten too extreme, it's our just to step in and have a brief chat with the top to ensure he is still aware and in control- and that harsh play had been negotiated. For this reason, players who are planning something extra intense, or something that requires more attention then usual, will often tell the DM first, so play can go one uninterrupted. DM's are usually on hand to help ifa bottom collapses, to aid in the case of equipment failure. To put out accidental fires- and on very very rare occasions, to administer first aid. Aftercare is NOT something we deal with- though, if a bottom(or a concerned party) ever approached me with concerns,and if the bottom appeared to be in shock, I would treat aftercare the same way I would first aid. Generally, aftercare is something decided on between partners. And no, it is not a requirement- I know plenty of people that not only do not NEED aftercare, but would find it very invasive to their headspace, and just want to be left alone to process. Sort of. Few people live as Master/Slave 24/7. But I know many that keep a strong undercurrent of their D/s dynamic going through all their life together, not just once in a while during play. Scootah could try ordering me about all the time, and I'd laugh at him. But only because I know he was joking. He could pull rank anytime and make me comply even if we were just out having lunch with friends. He does not do that much, because he would quickly grow tired of having to always be "on" and in charge- and I would get bored or burnt out. For us it does not work- but we have many friends who live their relationship with much more formal protocols then we do, and it seems to work for them.
That's like asking when foreplay becomes sex - I mean if one woman has her hand up another woman's bits while she's giving said girl a spanking - are they playing or fucking? The short answer is 'When and if the Dominant/Top feels like it, if it's within the negotiated possibilities of the scene'. I have fucked someone with a flogger in my hand. I have fucked someone's throat while beating them with a cane. I have ground a boot into someone's vagina while slapping her tits - and she was certainly getting off on that. Yes to both questions - but they're both rare. I probably see more people who are finding a healthy outlet for something that would otherwise be a problem then people who are hiding a problem in kinky sex. Personally, I'm an only child. I get the taboo with siblings having children cause I understand the whole a shallow gene pool is a bad gene pool concept - but I don't really get the siblings taboo. That said - I know brothers who will beat each other and a mother and daughter couple who I've seen co-top someone - that's kind of hinky and icky for reasons that don't entirely rationalize in my head - but still just seem wrong. Scat play I think is icky - and I understand that there are health reasons behind the taboo. The animal thing- I'm torn on rationalizing the ethics of the situation. I mean on one hand - Ewwww. I want nothing the fuck to do with that. But there's plenty of stuff I don't want to be involved in that I think is fine and dandy. The primary argument against it is that dogs can't give informed consent. The counter argument is that nobody makes fido lick the peanut butter off and if Fido's got a hard-on who's to say he hasn't given consent? And at the same time, that's basically the same argument used by many pedophiles for justifying their 'love affair' with a 6 year old. Since I mostly can't decide if it's just gross, or gross and unethical - I avoid the topic and people who engage in the practice. Yes it's a necessity - but I'd argue that fucking off and leaving her alone is just as reasonable a form of aftercare as cuddles and snuggles and shit. The obligation of the Top to provide what the bottom needs as part of their duty of care (ethically, if not legally) doesn't end when the flogging stops and the ropes come off. But some people want to be left the fuck alone to recover and some people are recovered by the time that the ropes come off. Recognizing and understanding that is part of being a good top. That's a judgment call and depends a lot on circumstances. If I saw someone who I knew, had a personal relationship with and could easily judge to be in need of aftercare, left alone and having problems. I'd either go and talk to the top from the scene or go and talk to them and if necessary provide after care. If it was someone I didn't know, or didn't know well enough to make that call (IE most people) - I'd probably do some quick information gathering to find out if anyone around does know the girl and get their opinion and then ask them or somebody non threatening to go and check if he or she is ok, and if necessary, keep her company while I looked for the dominant to get some more information. By non threatening - I mean I get that a lot of guys would have a problem with coming back from a post scene piss and finding their submissive in my lap or something. Guy egos and testosterone boundaries and shit. I'd try and pick someone who was clearly not a threat to the relationship of the players and not likely to intimidate the top when he came back so that there wouldn't be a scene - a friend of the bottom or someone submissive and diminutive who would be likely perceived as 'safe' by both the bottom and the dominant. I try not to involve myself in other peoples relationships unnecessarily - but sometimes you have to make the judgment call - and we get asked to be dungeon monitors because we have a fair bit of experience and people know we're reasonably diplomatic and have reasonably steady judgment. It's unavoidable that every now and then I'll make a wrong call - but I try to keep that to a minimum. I'd honestly be pretty reluctant to involve myself in an aftercare situation beyond checking if the girl was ok, outside of very extreme circumstances I know lots of people who would self describe as being in a true total power exchange. I don't know anyone who couldn't easily call the cops and have their dominant slapped with a restraining order or an apprehended violence order or whatever if they were truly out of control and wanted the ride to stop. As to feeling like they can be healthy - it kind of depends on how you define true total power exchange. Does the dominant control the money? What the submissive does every second of every day? What they eat? Their physical activities? What they wear? When they poop? That sounds pretty fucking exhausting for the top and pretty co-dependant for the bottom. I know people who give over as much control as is practical to their partner and while their independant and functional human beings who can hold a job or raise kids or do useful things without instructions - they enjoy doing only the things their partner wants them to do and having very little active control of their own life. I wouldn't say all of those relationships are healthy. But I think some of them are. Fetlife.com has several 'groups' - like child forums, that are part of the 'Ask A' series - Ask an experienced BDSM'er - Ask a Mistress, Ask a man, etc. The response quality varies. There are a large number of groups devoted to a larger number of topics where if you ask a question saying 'I'm a really curious vanilla, I don't understand something about whatever and could somebody help me with that?' as long as you were reasonably non judgemental/non confrontational and not putting people in fear of their privacy (IE not making them think you were gathering data along with samples of their profiles and pictures - there's rumours of universities doing that and people get paranoid about being outed as a pervert through some grad students paper or something - it's silly but people worry about it) - you'll usually get a good response. It varies though - sometimes you get wankers who want to put their 2 cents in and they'll be a dick about whatever question you've asked.
This may just be my (limited) experience with BDSM, but every IT tech dude I've ever met has been into it. Seriously. And then you, Scootah, are in the IT field. Is it your experience as well? If so, why is that? Also, these Gorean guys Nikki mentioned--to me, they seem like incredible tools. 1950's-era sci-fi tools, to be precise. How do y'all handle someone like that insisting that Maledom/Femsub is the only "right" power dynamic? Ugh. I think I would derive immense satisfaction out of inviting/convincing someone like that to come over to play and then having Nikki just own his shit until he cries uncle. What are the rules about talking to someone with a collar on? Do you have to ask permission from their owner first, or do you just have to conduct the conversation within earshot of the owner?
There are a few geeks around. But only a few, here. Our submissive boy is a techhie. but of the few hundred people we interact with here, I can only think of half a dozen geeks. I think geeks wind up finding alternative things merely because they spend so much time online looking up new and unusual things. They are. I LOVE them. It's so much fun- and so fucking easy- to mess with them. You don't run into them out at events much- they tend to stick to online pursuits. But when I spot them, I'm all over them for the funny. We do have one well known gorean here locally. At his first outing, his submissive (who we know) introduced him to me. He told me he was "Lord of the Night", put out his hand, Godfather-style, and was obviously expecting me to kneel and kiss his hand. I stood facing him, took his hand to shake it, and declared myself "Nikki, Princess of the Universe". We had a few uncomfortable for him, funny for me moments where he sputtered and explained he was Gorean, and that I had to kneel for him as I was a woman. I retorted that I would be happy to refer to him by Title, if he did the same for me, but I knelt to no one but Scootah, but if he thought himself man enough, he could give it his best shot- and that if he did, he'd find himself under my stiletto fairly quickly. He decided to shake my hand, and settled on me calling him by his given name. This is trickier. We are well known locally, and in turn, know just about everyone around. So we know which couples are high on such protocols, and which are more casual. here are more casual couples then rules-based couples here- that said, we have a few fairly close Top/Master?Domme acquaintances whom we have known for years, and have yet to speak two words to their submissive. When we travel, particularly through the states, where protocols are more formal, we pay more attention to collars, and are more likely to not speak to such submissives much. I do remember in LA a couple of years back spotting a woman in a collar and a fantastic corset- which I wanted to know more about. Rather then asking her about it, I simply asked her if she could introduce me to her Dominant. When we found him, I directed my question to him- he in turn, directed her to answer my questions.
Have you ever seen a grown man in a diaper? Something about the appeal of sitting in one's own feces and urine gives me a chubby.
Had a blast reading all about Gorean culture on Wikipedia. Way to consume my whole workday, guys. FOCUS: You've mentioned that you'll occasionally identify a nut at your gatherings, like the aforementioned 'guy who's just there looking for a victim'. How are these people dealt with? Is there protocol? I've got this amusing mental image of the police showing up at a house and being greeted by dudes in leather straps, chaps, and gimp masks, possibly with divided dicks, and hearing "Thanks for coming, officer, you've got to get this freak out of here."
Fellow perv here, made a brief appearance on the RMMB thread, 23/m switch leaning submissive. I just found this thread up here, I'm a little but more sporadic with my visits here. Anyway, if this is more annoying than helpful, please moderate, I don't at all mean to hijack the thread, but merely put another opinion out there. I began to explore BDSM on the internet when I was 17, I've had accounts on alt.com for years, been on fetlife for a little over year, and have had experiences both r/t and over the internet via webcam. I have some opinions to offer and some questions to ask. I'm going to start with what I can see on the page here: "What are the rules about talking to someone with a collar on? Do you have to ask permission from their owner first, or do you just have to conduct the conversation within earshot of the owner?" The collar is a symbol. I have very limited club experience, I have spent most of my time since discovering BDSM in Tallahassee, which is still the bible belt despite being in FL, and the scene there was underground and quite frankly gross. That said, when i first was put in a collar, it was a symbol of the Domme in my life, much more than it was about me. It was a reminder to live up to what She wanted me to be, to live up to my full potential and make Her proud to be in my life. So i was perfectly social, well-adjusted, whatever you want to call it. imo, the Domme that keeps an anti-social sub or slave is the same as a jealous bf or gf that doesn't want you talking to certain people or goes through your phone every night. That being said, some men are after that type of situation, so it's not really accurate to say a collar means one thing or another, other than the obvious that the collared person is a sub or slave. Where does the sex begin / play end? Like when do you go from flogging the shit out of someone to fucking them? Like say with a dom that *does* fuck their clientele. Hopefully you can see where I'm coming from here and elaborate on that. To expand on what Scootah has already said here, what is with everyone presuming clientele in these situations. Someone like the late David Carradine pays women because he's David Carradine. If his lifestyle got out, it could negatively impact his work, his standard of living, etc. People in that situation, and maybe some people with identity issues, are essentially the market for "pro" Dommes. I would say that kinky prostitution is the minority within the minority. If you have a reason to need the fantasy to stop on a dime, you pay someone to be in that situation. However, most people have identified that they enjoy the lifestyle, and try to live a life where if the lifestyle isn't necessarily prevalent day-to-day, the possibility is always there. IE, the majority of kinksters prefer to be in relationships with their partner, or some semblance of one if the kink involves multiple partners or cuckolding. As far as bridging from pain to pleasure in the form of flogging to fucking, Scootah covered that very well too. I would just add that in a scene where fucking is presumed, a Dominant might have a submissive in a situation where they would be begging for it, and the pain might be a test of sorts, when the Dominant hears the appropriate amount of desperation and want in a sub's voice, that is a major turn-on that usually leads to some fucking. However this also accentuates the point that it is a purely individual situation based on the comfort level of the Dominant and sub. What do you consider to be legitimate taboos? You've discussed your hard limits, but do you feel like there are some cultural sexual taboos that are there for a reason? You've both mentioned a hard limit being kids, which would be an example of a taboo and a hard limit, but you also mention scat play- do you feel that it's a sexual taboo (is it frowned upon for a reason) or is it just something that you choose to stay away from personally, but think the cultural resistance to it is silly? What about incest? Shit is fucking gross. i tried out a Master for a few weeks, to see what it was like, because i identified some bisexual desires in myself. i wasn't as into it as i thought i might be, but i took the time to learn proper anal hygiene. All i want to say is that male or female, enemas are your friend for anal play, and that scat is unusual for a reason. I'd even have serious issues if someone ever asked for watersports, but I can see where the desire comes from. Cultural resistance to scat is not silly imo, if it were the social norm I would still find it weird. (I recently read a female sub arguing that she absolutely didn't want aftercare, much less need it, and all the D/s'ers went nuts about how it's crucial to any sort of power exchange play.) I don't think anything should be thrust upon an individual that doesn't want it in this sense, but I'm having trouble wrapping my head around someone that doesn't want aftercare. I think this is more symptomatic of an individual who frequents the club setting, of which I am utterly unqualified to talk about. For me, I can say the biggest turn-on for me, what gets me in to my sub-space is trust. If I have trust in a woman to let her cuff me, fuck me with a strap-on, smother my face and control my air, etc., then I get off on that. I want that person to be as close to me as possible, as I just shared something I consider to be very special with that person. It is important to me, to know that I can do something crazy with a person I trust, and have them there to support me afterward. I can understand how some people could want the "fuck off and let me be" treatment in the immediately after, but I don't see how a sub wouldn't want to know the Dominant there for them at some point to provide whatever aftercare the sub is receptive to. Do you know of anyone who's involved in a true total power exchange relationship, and do you feel like those can work in a healthy way? I've seen situations like this, but don't know the participants well enough to comment on the same level. I just wanted to throw out some opinions on this, as I've wondered myself if I would like this situation. TPE is tough to do in this day and age. There are more people trying to work, at least in the US, than there were in the 50-60s. There are many more women who are out there, expected to get a job and work, and I think that TPE is largely impractical right now as society exists. As far as I'm concerned, if the Dominant calls the sub, for example, and says "I need My coffee right now, bring it to Me", and the sub can't drop whatever and do it that very second, then the sub is not in TPE situation. The sub would need to be a housewife or a kept man, and that just isn't as common. But if it is the situation, there is no reason why it can't work. As long as the Dominant and sub care for one another, there's no reason why TPE can't work any better than regular D/s or man and wife. People try to paint the entire spectrum of sexuality with the same brush and it is just impossible. Nikki: I have more curiosity to do with the giggling thing. First of all, form what you've said, I get the impression that your Domme instances are akin to "pity fucks". You seem as if you are merely willing to do some of the things that get subs off, not necessarily enjoy them. Am I correct with this? Can you give me an example or two of what you typically do when you Domme? Do you feel a sense of pity for male subs? Scootah: Do you have any other good sites, especially for the US, other than FetLife? I haven't even met anyone from that site, I find it terribly difficult to use. IMO the user interface is too weak. I can search my area, or I can search my kinks, but it's entirely too difficult to merge the two. I certainly think chatrooms like what alt.com and aff have would greatly benefit FetLife. Since you're in IT, can you tell me why they don't already do this? You two mention being Dungeon Masters or DMs, can you tell me what to look for in dungeon? I have been too timid to check any out in my area, (Pinellas County FL, Clearwater-St. Pete-Tampa area) because for every club/dungeon around here, someone is willing to trash it and say that they are a joke. Can you give me a better impression of what to look for in one of these establishments?
I'm not even sure where to begin. Some of the things you say probably just highlight a difference of opinion, but much of what you have said just highlights your lack of well-rounded experience and your own (self admitted) lack of broad exposure to the BDSM scene. I'm going to try to be gentle with you. Wow. Your assumptions about Pro Dommes are a touch juvenile, no? The idea that famous people, or people with identity issues (!?) make up a major part of the pro trade are simply put, erroneous. Having extended exposure to the pro scene- I lived with a Pro Domme who saw clients in our home- and Scootah worked as a bouncer in a Pro Dungeon business, I feel comfortable in calling you on this. Majority clientelle to a Pro Domme are, unsurprisingly, of the same background as johns to prostitutes. Married, middle aged, middle class men who are bored with their sex life at home, feeling aged, and wanting a little thrill in their lives on the side and consider visiting pro's morally superior to having a full fledged affair, and wish to avoid "cheating" on their partner. The other major subsection that visit pro's are those with a edgy/offbeat/taboo fetish, who find it hard to find partners willing to do this with them. Some people are "fetishists" in the true sense of the word- they need one particular thing to get them off. These people don't necessarily want all of the other things involvement into the BDSM scene brings- they just want their fix of that one fetish. If you want to be pissed on, there is not much point of turning up at a Fetish club expecting you will find a stranger willing to do this- it's not impossible,but your chances are slim. But find a Pro who does watersports on a local directory? And Bingo- you get to get off without having to play along and do anything in exchange except open your wallet. Not wanting cuddles after play does NOT indicate a "club only player". There are many many reasons why a submissive/bottom/slave would not want to be held/crooned to/ rocked gently/whatever at the end of a scene. Some people just want to feel used and objectified. For them, being tossed aside afterward is part of the play, and crucial to a good experience. How about role play scenarios like interrogations, kidnappings, play rapes? Such things would be spoiled by the addition of a fuzzy blanket and a cuddle at the end. Still others see submission as an outlet to let off stem, shake off the stresses of their lives- for them, they want to check out- they play specifically to achieve "Sub space"- the just get high on the endorphins, withdraw into themselves and not have to deal with anything- or anyone. Being left alone to enjoy the space is again, crucial to their experience. I appreciate that you wanted to lend another voice to this- but maybe you could focus on talking about YOU instead of making assumptive statements about the scene in general and the experiences of others, as it is evident your exposure is simply to limited to justify answering as though you have insight which extends beyond your own personal experience. You pretty much got everything in the above quote as wrong as you could possibly get it. "pity fuck" is not something I relate to. When I Top, it is nothing akin to this whatsoever. And what I do has absolutely nothing at all to do with what gets the sub off- I'm in it for my own amusement, and don't give a flying fuck whether it is getting them off- in fact, I prefer it when they are suffering and are putting up with it to please me. I enjoy myself immensely. I can't tell you what a "Typical" scene is like- each time I play is different, dependent on my mood, the mood of my submissive, the toys at hand, the atmosphere/audience if in a club, and too many other little things I don't even notice at the time. I can tell you my favourite things are violet wands, canes, needles, knives, and a couple of really really nasty paddles. But I probably only have a weapon in my hand about half the time I am playing. I can leave someone bruised and battered without using anything but my own body. Teeth, nails, heeled shoes and hands are all wonderful instruments. I'm very much into direct touch and skin to skin contact with my playpartners, as it increases the intimacy and connection. I rarely play on a "casual" basis- my partners are usually well known to me. I've never felt pity for anyone I have played with. With the exception of volunteers that serve as demo bunnies if I am teaching, everyone I have played with are people I like, respect and admire. Why would I waste my time on anything less? There are Dommes who lean towards female superiority, and consider men, esp bottom men "beneath them". I do not ascribe to this- I adore men in general.
I have. It's something like a train about to come off the tracks- you really really want to look away, but you look at it anyway- and then later wish you could erase the image from your mind. In other words, I do not find it appealing. You are welcome. That's time you are never getting back, yanno Unless there is a clear and immediate danger to someone, we do nothing. Most people at Fetish Clubs have a healthy and functioning "Tard meter" and can spot such danger on their own. For the few that are a little more naive, some well meaning friend usually looks out for them. It would be exceedingly difficult for a real predator to pick up in a Fetish Club- they'd have far more success picking up via personals and the like. DM's take note of inappropriate behaviour, and if there is a serious issue- say for example someone has cornered someone and it looks like he discussion is not mutually enjoyable, I'd try to make eye contact to see if the cornered person needs a hand. It's simple enough to cut in on a conversation with small talk and spoil the plans. A few quiet words to the person who was being pushy is usually enough to put them off- knowing they have been noticed often changes their behaviour. Repeat offenders are generally barred from the venue.
More info needed. If you mean someone standing on the sideline gaping- with their mouth wide open trying to process the visual in front of them? Side effect. Unless you are a showboater like Scootah, who adores his audience, then it's part of his fetish. Gaping as in an ass you can drive a small car into? Again, side effect of too much fisting (or footing!)- and also, for some, a fetish. Personally, I like my ass- and that of my partners- best when there is no requirement to wear Depends for the rest of my life.
Wow. Your assumptions about Pro Dommes are a touch juvenile, no? The idea that famous people, or people with identity issues (!?) make up a major part of the pro trade are simply put, erroneous. Having extended exposure to the pro scene- I lived with a Pro Domme who saw clients in our home- and Scootah worked as a bouncer in a Pro Dungeon business, I feel comfortable in calling you on this. Majority clientelle to a Pro Domme are, unsurprisingly, of the same background as johns to prostitutes. Married, middle aged, middle class men who are bored with their sex life at home, feeling aged, and wanting a little thrill in their lives on the side and consider visiting pro's morally superior to having a full fledged affair, and wish to avoid "cheating" on their partner. The other major subsection that visit pro's are those with a edgy/offbeat/taboo fetish, who find it hard to find partners willing to do this with them. Some people are "fetishists" in the true sense of the word- they need one particular thing to get them off. These people don't necessarily want all of the other things involvement into the BDSM scene brings- they just want their fix of that one fetish. If you want to be pissed on, there is not much point of turning up at a Fetish club expecting you will find a stranger willing to do this- it's not impossible,but your chances are slim. But find a Pro who does watersports on a local directory? And Bingo- you get to get off without having to play along and do anything in exchange except open your wallet. I don't believe my opinion on pro dommes is as much juvenile as symptomatic of our differences in location. I can't even say that I've met a pro in person, and I've seen very few on the internet. It would seem to me, with the massive disparity in numbers between submissive men and dominant women, that if one had the stomach for being a Domme, becoming a pro would be a viable option for women in a number of situations. But again, this makes my point that kinky prostitution is the minority withing the minority. Married middle class, middle aged men are the exactly the type that need their experiences to stop on a dime, they have to go home to the family afterward. I was merely making the point that professional exchanges are simply in the minority over here. There are a lot more garden variety hookers and johns, then there are kinky ones right now. Not wanting cuddles after play does NOT indicate a "club only player". There are many many reasons why a submissive/bottom/slave would not want to be held/crooned to/ rocked gently/whatever at the end of a scene. Some people just want to feel used and objectified. For them, being tossed aside afterward is part of the play, and crucial to a good experience. How about role play scenarios like interrogations, kidnappings, play rapes? Such things would be spoiled by the addition of a fuzzy blanket and a cuddle at the end. Still others see submission as an outlet to let off stem, shake off the stresses of their lives- for them, they want to check out- they play specifically to achieve "Sub space"- the just get high on the endorphins, withdraw into themselves and not have to deal with anything- or anyone. Being left alone to enjoy the space is again, crucial to their experience. I appreciate that you wanted to lend another voice to this- but maybe you could focus on talking about YOU instead of making assumptive statements about the scene in general and the experiences of others, as it is evident your exposure is simply to limited to justify answering as though you have insight which extends beyond your own personal experience. lol well I have cuddled after a rape scene before, so I guess that helps explain why I don't get it.