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...as senn on the TiB!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Crown Royal, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    If you guys want, I could write the
    Worst-Case Scenario Survival Guide: When Marginal Benefit Exceeds Marginal Cost, and other arbitrage conditions.

    Yes? No?
     
  2. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    Now it has to be an e-book. Hasn't Apple released something new for this? If Skyello is doing the intro, it better be in video format.
     
  3. suapyg

    suapyg
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    Disturbed

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    Are you crazy?!? That guy's like Beetlejuice, you can't just go saying his name all willy-nilly - he might actually appear!
     
  4. suapyg

    suapyg
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    Disturbed

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    Dammit!

    Now we've said it three times.
     
  5. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    Shit. I think I hear him coming.
     
  6. Aetius

    Aetius
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    What is shegirl's personal nickname for Skyello?

    Go-gurt
     
  7. $100T2

    $100T2
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    The Art of the Wahoo

    First chapter, who was that kid that came on here with his "I'm so fucking awesome like Tucker Max" schtick?

    EDIT: This fucking clown.
     
  8. McSmallstuff

    McSmallstuff
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    Pretending 101: A guide on how to convice normal people that you are not a degenerate.

    This one could be contributed to by everyone on here.
     
  9. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    I sent Crown Royal the rep he mentioned in the original post, and what originally crossed my mind was something along these lines. Have the thread title be the section's topic and flesh out some of the better posts into full stories. Unfortunately, I don't have the crazy encyclopedic memory about the board's history many people have, so I haven't been able to come up with any examples. I just know that there'd be four contributors I would demand input from if I were the editor: Nom and CharlesJohnson, who try to be funny (and succeed), and Dixie Bandit and Nettdata who don't try to be funny and are just earnestly portraying their lifestyles and the images of which just happen to be hilarious. (Dixie is obvious, I think, but whenever Nett does something to remind me that he's this grumpy old guy out in the woods alone with his bears, I just start giggling.) They don't all have to be funny, either. There have been plenty of stories on here that were just interesting or entertaining or enjoyable because they were so different from mine. Oh, and there'd have to be a section featuring scootah's, Tonka's Dad, and kuhjagger's sex lives. And there'd have to be a picture book chapter featuring highlights from the pet thread. I don't care, I think it would be awesome.

    And this would obviously be the title.
     
  10. Veovis

    Veovis
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    I think and educational chapter focusing on how to recognize e-peen moments would be somewhat required. Maybe that’s what the forward is about, just so the wonderful readers can put all the bullshit into some kind of frame of reference. You know, the simple explanation so that everyone doesn’t somehow get upset halfway through because they now think Bluedog actually fucked their mom. However they will be left wondering if Scooter actualy has.
     
  11. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    I think this should be a chapter in and of itself. I don't want to tarnish it by hearing the whole story.
     
  12. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Deeply satisfied pooper

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    I will work on this thing in exchange for booze. That's all I'm sayin'.
     
  13. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    As long as you don't write it drunk. We've all seen what bewildered+alcohol+keyboard equals.
     
  14. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    I'll work on this thing in exchange for money.
     
  15. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Deeply satisfied pooper

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    Wait....you mean that writers and editors are expected to get paid with MONEY?
     
  16. Veovis

    Veovis
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    There are drunk threads here, at least one chapter has to be written by 4 different people completely off their asses.
     
  17. $100T2

    $100T2
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    Anyone who contributes to the Boobie and Booty threads gets to write their own chapter.

    How's that for incentive?
     
  18. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    Honorary TiBette

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    A chapter on Keeping the Spice Alive after Marriage, by $100T2.

    So there my wife is, bent over the kitchen table, and I'm spiking it deep over her net. I mean, sand is everywhere. She's moaning and shuddering, and then I think, I want to give to a charity that's going to fill my heart as deeply as I'm filling her vagina. After I'm done digging her out, I grab my checkbook...
     
  19. toytoy88

    toytoy88
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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Oh trust me, you DO want to hear the story of toytoy vs. the cloud, if for no other reason than it amuses me to no end.

    I've stated here before that I really am a normal human being, but if I get bored I'm going to force the issue and do something to alleviate my boredom. I think that's why my friends put up with me, they know if they sit around staring at the walls with me long enough I'll eventually snap and do something bizarre just because I can't stand the boredom any longer.

    Sadly, this happens even when I'm alone and that's how I came to shoot a cloud. (Thankfully as I've grown older I've sometimes learned to pay heed to that nagging little voice in my head that says "You know...this isn't a really good idea.")

    It was 6 or 7 years ago in Mississippi and I had a wonderful plan..."I'm going to grow watermelons." Yes, I'm a fucking idiot. I went out on the back 40 and plowed up about 8 acres. I spent a week working that field. It hadn't produced crops of any kind in at least 40 years, the last time anything was extracted from that soil was when my Grand daddy plowed it with a mule. I felt at one with my ancestors and smugly superior being that I had a tractor, beer, air conditioning, and wasn't yoked to a tempremental mule. "Ha ha! Look at me grandad! Ain't this some shit?"

    I'd spend a day plowing the field north to south, and the next day I would walk the field picking up sticks and other riff raff. Then I would plow east to west, and again walk the field picking up crap while visions of huge watermelons danced in my head.

    I did this for a week. I plowed back, forth, and sideways for a week, burning up over $200 in diesel and God only knows how much in beer.

    Finally, I declared my field fit for growing watermelons.

    I knew nothing of growing watermelons, but I was all in at this point. I had 30,000 watermelon seeds and I was bound and determined to become a watermelon baron.

    I carefully prepared mounds to plant my watermelons in. Do you have any idea how many mounds you can make spaced 3 feet apart on 8 acres? A whole fucking lot, that's how many.

    Finally I had all my mounds built, all my watermelon seeds planted and I waited. And waited.

    And fucking waited.

    I lovingly tended over my mounds of what I was sure was easy money. Sadly, I chose my new enterprise in the summer of the worst draught to hit the area in years. "No problem", I mistakingly thought..."I've got two creeks running by my field and I've got a pump to irrigate my watermelons."

    Then my creeks dried up for the first time in anyone's memory.

    I was frustrated and pissed the fuck off. All that money I was counting on was withering away, just like my watermelons.

    Which brings me to the cloud.

    I drove down to my field early one morning to survey all my fruitless labor and a cloud moved over the sun casting a shadow on what I had come to call my babies. My watermelons.

    It was just about then that I snapped.

    I raged at the cloud..."Rain you motherfucker! RAIN! BLOW! Do something!"

    The cloud responded by doing nothing more then block the sun from my precious watermelon mounds and hang in the sky, as clouds are wont to do. I believe to this day that it smirked at me while it smited my poor, innocent watermelons.

    And that's when I grabbed the .12 gauge out of my truck and pumped a few rounds at it for doing exactly what clouds pretty much do.

    Pointless violence on an inanimate object? Perhaps.

    But I'll bet that cloud thinks twice before ever again ruining anyone's garden and refusing to rain when someone yells at it. All because an angry hillbilly shot it.

    Y'all can thank me the next time you enjoy a nice crispy salad that a cloud bestowed it's rain upon. Clouds tell their friends about their unfortunate experiences, at least that's what I tell myself to justify my antics that summer morning.

    Besides that, it makes me feel God-like...it rains because I frightend the clouds.

    I am so awesome.
     
  20. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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