A guy goes up to a fat chick at a bar and says , "Fucking hell, I'd give you one!" She says, "Fuck off , I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on Earth !" To which he replies ... "Whoaaa ... hold on. I was giving you marks out of ten, you fat cunt".
Why does this strike me as a uniquely British anti-pickup line? (Yes, I know that's not a British flag, but you know the rule: if the Queen is on your money...) Do anti-pickup lines differ by country/culture? I suppose the above could have been even more Anglicized (Anglicised?): "So a bloke goes up to a dunny bird in a billabong pub and says "bloody 'ell, I'd give ya one!" The bird says "Oi, sod off, I wouldn't let you pull me if you were the top of your sixth form class! And the bloke says, "'old on, I was rating your Ordinary Wizarding Level, I was!"
Lad: "Hey miss, do you have a Pen?" Fatgirl: [Excited that a lads taking interest in her]"Yes!" Lad: "Well you better get back in then before the farmer realises you've escaped!"
"Hide yo wife, hide you kids, and hide yo husbands too, cause I'm fixin to rape everyone up in here!" Extra points if you say it while missing a t-shirt. (Gotta represent the Rocket City)
I was at a networking function some time ago when I met this woman who was new in town. After a few minutes of meaningless chatter, I learned that she was in the process of relocating from Alaska. "Alaska huh... wow! I wonder if you can see Russia from your house?" Now I was never trying to pick her up at any point, but you can probably imagine what a conversation ender that was.
Had to poach that first one. Called up a girl I've been chasing: Me: Hey what ya doin'? Her: At home, watching (some terrible fucking movie) with (the fat roommate). What are you up to? Me: At (local expat bar), was just going to ask you if this rag here smelled like chloroform. It's ok, I'll just ask (lady bartender). Her: I'm coming over. Score. Thank you, sir.
One way or another it's going in your ass. But if you're a good girl, and don't make me break out the hand cuffs, I'll spit on it first! I'll bet I can fuck you better than your daddy did. Hows about you bend over, and we get my winky stinky?
At this point apparently....... Can you fuck me better than my wife? Doesn't work. Truth....I don't have the balls to try that one.......what if she says ...."Let's see" (course I'd say no, but tommorows shower would have a little more spice.) (tell the new admin "Thundering Asshole" that my posting should be limited to 9-5) really (edit - pacific time)
I might agree, if not for this gem, "course I'd say no, but tommorows shower would have a little more spice." Hilllarious. Just be the drunk guy, it suits you well.