...And I'm taking back my linens!

This is where I'm at also. If two people decide to have an exclusive committed relationship with each other, then fucking do that. If you don't want to, then don't. If that person doesn't want to have any more to do with you if you don't commit to them, then go find someone else, as the desire to do so is potentially why you're reluctant to commit in the first place. And if your relationship has dwindled to the point that you're thinking of cheating, well shit, put on your adult pants, give the person you're with some fucking respect, and break off the relationship. OR...holy shit I'm brilliant, take all that cheating energy and use it to try and save the relationship you have, if you still want it.

I don't know if I've ever been cheated on. I don't think so, but either way it would be an immediate deal breaker for me.

I think that responsibility lies solely with the person who's in a relationship, however, I have little to no sympathy for anyone who knowingly is a party to that behavior and gets caught up in the inevitable drama. If the "other" is doing it simply to get their rocks off, have made that clear, and that's all? Well, it's their life to do with what they will, but don't whine (especially to me) when it gets sketchy. If they're hoping to get into a relationship with the cheater, then I question their wisdom. I know it works sometimes, as my mom did that with her current husband, but that's akin to sticking your hand in a lion's mouth hoping it doesn't bite, as far as I'm concerned.

 

Wait. Has anyone asked yet why the guy wanted sex-stained sheets?

If not, I am.

 

Needed DNA for the voodoo doll.



Also, I'm insulted that you suggested that i am from Quebec. That would in fact be worse than the sheets thing.

 

I used to say the same thing, until i was completely, utterly, 100% in love with someone.

I just could never be ok with potentially causing that much pain for another human being.

You know, i hear this all the time. Usually from guys. "Oh, I don't care if she hooks up with girls. They don't really count."

That is fucking dumb, and frankly, any bisexual person should be offended if their significant other says this in a non-open relationship.

 

I've never been cheated on, a fact I attribute to having only had two serious girlfriends in my life. I have, however, been "the other guy."

I'd known the girl for three years in college. We ran in different social circles and we weren't very close, but we shared a major and saw each other fairly often. Sexual tension dripped from every exchange. We started hanging out more toward graduation because we had two classes together our last semester, and we were both near the top of our major so we went to several departmental parties together. After one such potluck dinner, we went out for a drink.

I'd always had a little crush on her. But she'd always had a boyfriend. She'd been with a guy for nearly two years, and I swear I invited her out innocently as friends. I even asked about him (he'd graduated a year before and now lived two hours away). Then one drink turned to two, two to six...add in three years of sexual tension...you jackals know how it goes. I'd also already accepted a job 2,000 miles away, so there was an element of "now or never."

We split a cab home, but we only had enough cash between the two of us to go to her place or mine. I was casual friends with her male roommate and I said I'd just crash on their couch. It would even make it easier in the morning; she could drive me to pick up my car. Perfect. The problem was, there was already someone sleeping on the couch when we got back. She grabbed a pillow and a blanket and offered me her floor. I accepted. We drunkenly talked with the lights off for a while, and before long, the inevitable happened. After a night of flirting and drinking, she rolled off her bed and we fucked as if we harbored three years of suppressed desire.

I felt terrible in the morning. I knew her boyfriend a little, and he was a nice guy. He treated her well. Oh, she was supposed to move in with him after graduation, did I mention that? And she is, to this day, the most genuinely sweet girl I know. She's also very smart, so I didn't feel bad for long. She knew what she was doing. We had sex again in the morning, and she came over every night for a week, until graduation.

Then we simply went our separate ways. I moved out West. While she didn't move in with her boyfriend, she did move to his city. Two years later, they're still together. I just saw on Facebook that they went on a vacation to Orlando over Christmas. I think it's a foregone conclusion they'll get engaged sometime in 2010.

I'm almost 100 percent sure she hasn't told him about our tryst. She said she never would. As selfish as this sounds, I wish she had. It would get it off my conscience if he knew and they'd worked through it. Also, it would eliminate the chance of me getting death threats if she decides to tell him, say, days before their wedding in an effort to "be completely honest with each other."

 

I wrote back on the old advice board about my wife cheating. This happened August or September, I cant remember for sure. After a week or so of both of us thinking long and hard about it, I decided to try and work on our marrage as did she.

I feel that i'm somewhat to blame for it even though it was her decision and choice. I was an asshole to her, didnt treat her very well, pushed her into a bartending job because I wanted the extra money. Shit like that. We are now working on it and it seems so far, so good. We are communicating more and dont treat eachother like shit. Shes still working on the trust thing and will be for a while, so its still a work in progress.

Its weird, but I still feel like a pussy for taking her back after this. I dont know why I feel like that, I guess the "manly" thing to do would go and kick the guys ass, and kick her to the curb. Maybe thats why, and I would have liked to kick his ass, and lord help me if I ever see him in the street, I dont know what will happen, but at the time I chose not to.

Summary of Story: Cheating sucks and from what I have been through, I dont think I could ever cheat and put someone else through this.

 

My assumption is that the guy is a total tool and wanted some form of immediate "get-back-at-her" so he ripped off the expensive linens and bolted out of there.

And Quebec sucks, Montreal is the greatest city in the world though.

 

It's all about capturing it on film.

 

I've never cheated. I have been cheated on once, to my knowledge. My ex-fiance` cheated on me about 3 months out from the wedding. She ended up getting pregnant.

It really, really, really sucked. What sucked worse was that I was such a tool that I attempted to stick it out. That lasted about a week or two until the reality of the situation hit me. We broke up and I vowed that I wouldn't take my shit out on an undeserving woman... and then I went and used a crazy chick as a rebound. She ended up 'falling in love' with me and that ended horribly.

The ex-fiance` contacted me last week, wanting to meet. I wish I could say it felt good and that there was validation after all this time, but, no such feelings. Just sort of a hollow emptiness.

I'd like to say that I would never cheat on someone, knowing the kind of pain it causes, but I can't say what I would do in that situation. I had the opportunity to cheat on my ex-fiance` but I turned it down. Experience dictates never to turn down ass, contrary to my sense of what being a good person is.

 

Interestingly enough I just got of the phone with my friend about a story about cheating.

My friends and I have an acquaintance called coop that I don't really consider a friend because hes a douche bag but i'll hang out with him because he likes to bring around 30's and I like to drink a lot. Anyway the past week all of my friends went down to AC to celebrate my best friend's girlfriend's birthday who is reasonably hot and has some reasonably hot friends as well, except for one. Words alone can not describe how ugly this girl is with her triple chins and muddled face whom we have christened Pig Vomit. The name is aptly put as she reminds me of Gannon from The Legend of Zelda looked like before they made him more human.

Anyway Coop was down there and I don't know exactly what transpired or why but he hooked up with the girl that we all refer to, himself included, pig vomit. Not only did he hook up with her but he has a girlfriend and his girlfriend was there in Atlantic City with him. I could almost maybe possibly understand if you were drunk and horny and there was no one else, actually I can't I would rather fuck a pencil sharpener, but he had his girlfriend right there that he could have fucked.

I guess maybe its the whole thrill of not getting caught or something, but at least find someone who isn't referred to as pig vomit...

 

My girlfriend suggested that I can hook up with other girls while she's gone on vacation. I don't know if this is a test or not yet. Or worse yet, that she wants to hook up on her vacation.

What does hook up mean anyway?

 

To meet someone randomly and end up fucking, then parting ways afterwards (no sleeping with necessary). With or without exchanging info.

 

Some people will use the term "hooking up" to mean simply making out. Perhaps this gentleman's girlfriend here has that idea in mind.

Remember, in ambiguous circumstances like these, it is always easier to beg forgiveness than seek permission. "But honey, these guys on the internet told me hooking up meant have sex..." That should get you right out of trouble.

 

This stuff confuses me. Who wrote the relationship rules that we all have to follow? If both of you are perfectly comfortable with you hooking up with other girls but not guys, what's the problem? I mean, I can see how that sort of thinking might come from the it-doesn't-really-count mentality, not getting that bisexual people probably have just as strong emotional attachments with either sex, but if you're both on the same page what's wrong with it?

Under this "It's always wrong" rule, I'm sure there's a lot of swingers who'll be pissed to find out they've been cheating on each other all these years.

 

"My girlfriend suggested that I can hook up with other girls while she's gone on vacation. I don't know if this is a test or not yet. Or worse yet, that she wants to hook up on her vacation.

What does hook up mean anyway?"


How serious is your relationship? Because I don't know a single female who would ever suggest "hooking up" with someone while their gone. It feels like it could be a test, but past experience with unfaithful women leads me to think that this is her justification for her "having fun" while shes on vacation. I'm not calling her a whore in any way, but this seems like whore logic if I've ever heard it before.

Be very wary dude.

Hook-up can mean different things to different. Where I went to college, it meant most everything up until sex. In Houston, it means anything including sex. Some people say hooking up is only sex and everything else doesn't really count.

Something I've noticed is that women tend to justify slutty behavior in the most egregious ways possible. Excuses they use, would never be acceptable in their minds if they came from a guy's mouth. I've heard the "I was drunk" excuse from a girl. A female friend of mine once cheated on her bf and justified it by saying that she was pissed at him and he was being a dick, so her behavior was okay. It is never ever okay.

 

I think the operative clause here was "in a non-open relationship". If you have a bisexual girlfriend and come to an agreement that she can sleep with other women, that's an open relationship. If you have a bisexual girlfriend, and you both agree to be monogamous, and she continues to sleep with other women... well, you see the difference.

 

I just started dating her, she's really chill but she's a virgin(!)* so I think she's overcompensating for her lack of experience by being "too cool". It's not a serious relationship so I don't really mind, but I'm all for honesty but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I don't man-whore, I'll wreck my 5 year stint of hooking up on new year's eve and she could potentially have miles of pipe laid in her - so to speak - If I do act as if I were single and she doesn't, she'd say she's cool with it but then she'd be untrusting and distant and it'll ruin the relationship.




*She's really hot though.

 

Oh, absolutely. But when I was on the receiving end of those statements, I was in some serious denial about my sexuality. I was eating pussy like nobodys business but I wasn't, like, one of those FREAKS. I mean, I had a boyfriend! I liked penis a lot! Just because girls were pretty and soft and smelled delicious...that did NOT make me bisexual. I mean, it was experimentation. Just a phase. Denial, denial, denial.

Once I "came out" to myself, I started getting really pissed off at people who believed that. It sounds trite, but holy fuck that is a really good example of the patriarchy marginalizing women's sexuality. It's so pervasive that I, a bisexual female, bought into it for years.

Reread my post--and for that matter, some of my previous posts on this subject. I am all for breaking conventional relationship rules if it works for you and your partner. But for something like this to work, you need mutual consent. Getting consent after the fact doesn't make your prior act legit. It just makes everything you do from that point forward morally honest. Everything before that, though? Cheating.

Cheating doesn't have to look like some girl getting railed by the Steelers' entire O-line while her fiancee furiously burns WHORE into her yard. Sometimes it looks okay to both parties...even though the moral reality is that it is never okay.

 

I don't feel like this should even be considered, even in a new relationship. You are trying to establish some sort of trust and bond with that person so you start off on a good foot. If a new relationship starts off with little games to plant seeds of doubt and possible jealousy to leave the other person wondering what the other is doing, it not healthy.

I briefly dated a girl last year who fucked another dude just before coming over to my house to see me one evening. That was the last time I ever saw her because I don't stand for disgusting shit like that.

I figured her out because
A. She wasn't smart.
B. She was a bad liar.
C. The time-line of her events that evening didn't line up to what she said they were.

I won't get into all of the details because it would be a 10,000 word post. Basically, she called when the "movie was over" that she was on her way and would be at my house soon. She arrived in 15 minutes freshly showered. Her friend lived at least 35 minutes away from my house. She somehow crammed in a 30 minute drive to her house from her friends house, and 20 or so minutes getting ready (shower and dress) into 15 minutes. If you were just watching a movie with a friend, why shower after? If you are going to lie to someone, at least make it believable.

It may seem presumptuous of me to assume she was sleeping with someone else. But if there really was an innocent explanation behind that, there would be no need to lie to me.