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...And I'm taking back my linens!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Supertramp, Dec 27, 2009.

  1. TX.

    TX.
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    The Mad Pooper

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    I've been cheated on. Boy! Does it suck.

    Being the very trusting (read: naive) young thing I was way back then, I didn't believe the rumors about my boyfriend cheating even though they were plentiful. When I eventually confronted him about the alleged girls he denied having anything to do with them...and actually turned it around on me. "Why don't you trust me? Why do you always see the worst in me? You're always flirting with X, Y, and Z." He was such an asshole about it, and made me feel bad for bringing it up. Finally, I saw through the bullshit and we broke up while at work. I was so livid over all of the lies and looking like a complete idiot. I went a little crazy. I went to the Hobart in the back and threw 3 plates onto the floor. Shards went everywhere. Half of the servers who were doing their closing sidework looked at me like I was batshit crazy. The other half looked like they were about to laugh because I was the "sweet and quiet one". I guess they didn't expect to see me enraged. The best part is that the manager on-duty that night thought the boyfriend was an asshole and wasn't good enough for me. I didn't get in trouble for breaking the plates; I just had to clean up my mess and promise to never have anything to do with him again. Done and done. Yay for man-hating dykey managers!
     
  2. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    I've been cheated on. Never cheated myself. Though, to be honest, I partially hold myself responsible for having been cheated on. When I began the relationship, I knew she and her ex still spoke. She claimed they were just friends now. I should have known better. Luckily at the time, he was in another continent, so I figured it was nothing to worry about. I brought it up a couple of times but she always maintained they were just friends now. It bothered me but I brushed my feelings aside when I should have taken a hard line and told her she couldn't speak to him anymore. When he returned things became more tense. She met him for lunch. Then for drinks. I told myself I had to trust her and I shouldn't be so controlling, she is allowed to be friends with whoever she wants. Lo and behold, they fucked.

    I found out from a mutual friend. I confronted her and told her I refused to have a competition for her and if she was ready to commit I would be willing to give her a chance, but I wouldn't speak to her until then. She got together with him.

    One day the guy emails me randomly and asks me to explain the details of our relationship. I indulged him and found out she had been lying to him and telling him she wasn't seeing anyone. He thought WE were just friends. Gotta give the bitch props for the deviousness. When he found out the truth, he kicked her to the curb too. She contacted me to try to rekindle our thing but I refused.

    Then she sort of went crazy and got kind of fat. Pity since she had quite a marvelous rack.
     
  3. Sam N

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    Ready?

    So I was dating a girl for a little bit, and eventually she cheated on me. How'd I find out? The guy she fucked called me and told me about it. I confronted her, but she denied it completely. I continued in the relationship for about a month before realizing that I just did not trust her anymore, and I couldn't keep this shit going, so I ended it. Turns out, yes, she absolutely cheated on me and on more than one occasion.

    Fast forward about 9 months. I see her somewhere around town and we end up getting lunch together. Lunch turns into a little afternoon delight, and she informs me post-coitus that she is dating the guy she cheated on me with originally. Well, everything comes full circle I'm thinking, so over the next year I fuck her probably 20 times spaced out to about twice a month average. There was nothing premeditated or malicious in it, I would just be drunk and run into her and we'd get it on. I figured since the guy fucked her a few times while she was dating me, he deserved it.

    Finally I'm dating someone I really like, and this crazy girl is calling me all the time trying to get me to come fuck her or whatever whores want. One night I ran into her at a party and slipped up a little. She went nuts, locked me in the bathroom with her, balled her eyes out, told me she loved me, blahblahblah, and I ended up making out with her a bit. The next day I told the girlfriend about it. No, I'm not a huge pussy, I just felt bad and wanted it in the open. She took it in stride, was upset, but it didn't really harm the relationship. That is, until crazy girl tells girlfriend that I fucked her and told her I loved her. That shit took me about a month or so to fucking fix.

    Well, just recently, maybe 7 months ago, I was home visiting and hooked up with crazy girl one night. Same fucking shit, told me she loved me, yaddi yadda. I instigated a big fight and essentially told her I didn't want to speak to her ever again because she is batshit insane. Yeah, she got married about TWO months ago. Feel bad for whoever the guy is.

    Before you ask, no, I have never been on either Jerry Springer or the OC. Those incidents are the only times I've ever come close to cheating on someone (because kissing hardly counts) or have, knowingly, been cheated on. Guess you could say I learned my lesson...
     
  4. Pinkcup

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    Ah, this is a tough subject for me.

    I've cheated. In fact, I've cheated a LOT. I can't remember a relationship I've been in where I've been 100% faithful to my other partner.....ever. The funny thing is, though--until I turned 23, I didn't actually view it as cheating. Seriously. My moral compass was so screwed up that it's only now getting to where it needs to be on issues like this.

    I used to justify it by saying things like "Oh, well it was only <insert female name>. She doesn't technically count" or "Well, he wasn't pissed/he thinks girl-on-girl is kind of hot so I guess it's not really cheating." I think the lack of romantic consequences allowed me to lie to myself and believe that what I was doing was somehow better than cheating. I honestly viewed my lady-lovin' as a kind of "loophole" in my heterosexual monogamous relationships....as crazy as that sounds now, I remember that mindset so clearly. I wasn't being broken up with when I got caught, but shit. I was getting CAUGHT. I was HIDING it. And there are no if, ands, or buts about that--if you're ashamed of showing the world what you're doing, you shouldn't be doing it. Period.

    It took me a long time to realize that if you fuck anyone--of either sex-- while you're dating someone who believes you to be monogamous....it's cheating. Even if he doesn't care when he finds out, even if the details you gave him make him hard...it's cheating. And it's super fucking sexist to view women as "counting less" than men when it comes to cheating with them.

    When I finally came to that realization, I took a very long look at what I'd been doing and evaluated everything. I came to the conclusion that I am unwilling to give up Sapphic delights with lovely ladies, and I am unwilling to give up my primary relationship. But I was willing to give up the dishonesty, the hiding, and the monogamy. Now, I do the exact same things--but it's no longer cheating. Honest communication eliminates all of the moral seediness of what I was doing.

    And I'm truly a lot happier...except for occasional reminder (like this thread) of what a dirty cheater I used to be. That stinks.
     
  5. 4n1m0s1ty

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    Should still be lurking

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    This is what I don't understand.
    If they don't know, why does it matter? Unless you have been conditioned to feel guilt over something that no one will ever know about (unless you tell them), what is the problem? Of course you 'love' your significant other and want what's best for them, but I think cheating is something that only holds significance if you attach some to it. When you are in a relationship with someone, what's the difference between lying and cheating, when you tell her she's "not fat" when she really is? Every time your partner is embarrassing, less attractive, annoying, what is the difference between having those thoughts and keeping them to yourself and cheating and keeping it to yourself? Both would hurt the other person, but since they don't know, it doesn't. It doesn't matter unless you feel such strong remorse about something that you chose to do that you'd rather shatter someone's world, so to speak, than keep it to yourself.
     
  6. Supertramp

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    You obviously don't know what 'love' means. Aside from the whole 'love' aspect, it's an immoral and cruel thing. Another person is dedicated and dependent on you emotionally and physically; having sex with other girls basically implies that you don't respect that connection.

    I'm not judging cheaters, at all, but the act itself is inherently horrible and destructive.
     
  7. ghettoastronaut

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    Some of us place value on conducting ourselves with honesty and integrity, including with our romantic partners. Telling your girlfriend she's not fat when she might be a little is, at the very worst, a white lie. Going around screwing other girls when she thinks you're being monogamous? Maybe you just don't attach the same value to sex that other people do, and that's fine, but in a relationship with an explicit agreement to monogamy, it's a very serious violation of trust. Not telling my girlfriend when she annoys me doesn't violate any trust between us. There are plenty of things I could do besides cheating that would violate trust, like telling all of her friends the naughty things I do to her, or posting naughty pictures of her online, or... well, you get the idea. There's a big fucking difference between not being 100% honest all the time and cheating.
     
  8. 4n1m0s1ty

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    I guess it is that whole morality thing that I don't really understand. I'm sure everyone is at different stages in their lives and relationships, but while I'm still young, I've never had a totally faithful relationship. It comes down to perspective. I understand the whole 'do unto others' concept, but if you can get away with it, why not? If they would never, ever find out, what is the harm? You are 'harming' a bond that is totally within your own mind, a mutual disclosure of feelings to each other, but that bond is only measured by what you choose to communicate to one another. I don't know if it makes sense, but if you don't communicate your guilt to your girlfriend/boyfriend, they don't feel it, so it never existed within the relationship. What they don't know won't hurt them.
     
  9. Psk

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    Experienced Idiot

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    I've had an ongoing infatuation/fascination (though infatuation may be a bit strong) for a girl who I've known since High School, which is reciprocated. I hooked up with this girl several times, knowing that she had a boyfriend during High School. Then I graduated, and a year later I was back in the country (I had moved home to Sweden), and I hooked up with her again, several times. She had a boyfriend then, too. I knew this guy since earlier.

    Then a year and a half later (now present), I am back again and I made out with her briefly on Saturday. She had a boyfriend. I say had, because she broke up with him that night. I am meeting her again tomorrow.

    The silly thing is that I had resolved to not hook up with her again, because I couldn't justify to myself any more that it was al right since I wasn't the one doing the cheating. It was idiotic whore-logic, and I feel genuinely bad about it. Then she told me she was single, and suddenly my penis-compass is screaming full throttle ahead.

    Does that make me as bad as a cheater? Yea, probably. Is this a really bad "relationship" to be in? Yea, definitely. Will I hook up with her tomorrow? Yep.


    It's confessions like these which make me realise how fucking stupid I still am.


    Edit for clarification: My parents still live in the country I went to High School in, so I travel back to visit them once every year or so.
     
  10. rei

    rei
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    What's the point of a relationship over casual sex if you're not willing to emotionally invest in the person?


    I've cheated once. I debated trying to post all the justifications that I thought were fine, but fuck that. It was a mistake, capitalizing on my desperation and infatuation with a girl who'd rejected me countless times when I was single. I came clean and lost them both but I sure as hell deserved that.
     
  11. Blue Dog

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    I've never cheated, nor will I ever cheat. To me, that is probably the worst thing you could do to someone you supposedly care about.

    For a person to just take the trust that someone has in them and fucking stomp it into the ground like a cheap piece of trash is something that I will never understand. There is not a piece of ass on this planet that is worth doing that to someone with whom you have an emotional investment.
     
  12. Misanthropic

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    Nor have I. Isn't that right, my sweet?

    [​IMG]

    Your oogly bear would never, eber cheaty weaty. Allow me to wipe your chin, my pet.
     
  13. iczorro

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    I cheated once, when I was 20, and unfortunately, it was on the only girl I've ever actually loved. I was in another country, and she never knew. I still feel shitty about it, and I'm about to turn 29.

    Then, this summer I went to my 10 year reunion. I met up with and hung around a girl I had a huge crush on in high school. She had a crush on me, too, etc etc. But she's married. I go back to Maryland, she stays in Minnesota. We talked for roughly 4000 phone minutes over the next two months, until I accidentally drunk texted her one night. I woke up to a message from her phone saying, "You know she's married, asshole". I guess it was cheating on her part. I know if I was her husband, I would view it as such.

    Even if we had somehow ended up together, I never would have been able to trust her. A relationship that begins with cheating is likely to end that way, as well.

    Time to meet a nice single girl in my area, who likes to be spanked.
     
  14. The Village Idiot

    The Village Idiot
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    Porn Worthy, Bitches

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    Ok, I bolded the relevant sections. As someone who has cheated on significant others, you always justify it by saying 'well, my SO did X, Y, or Z.' Like it fucking matters. It doesn't. Cheating is solely the purview of the cheater, not the person getting cheated on. YOU didn't have anything to do with it. Now, some will say 'oh, my SO didn't put out for 3 months,' or 'my SO is out of the country,' or 'my SO doesn't do it the way I like it.'

    What's the solution? You break up - or don't get married (in the case of Tiger Woods, for instance). All blaming yourself does is further reinforce the illusion that you have control over a situation - which you don't. You solely have control over what you do. She made her choices, had nothing to do with you.

    It's akin to the argument that "I knew I shouldn't have trusted her.' Then the remedy is simple: breaking it off. In essence, through this type of thinking, you're giving them a bye on their behavior. The solution is NEVER 'you can't talk to him ever again.' That's pretty much guaranteeing that she's (or he, depending) is going to continue to do so.

    First half was stellar. Second half not so much. I suspect you learned your lesson the hard way. Like I did.

    Which is why the second half I mentioned above (not so much) is appropriate. She's a liar. Can people change? Sure, I'd like to think they do all the time, but it usually requires some outside influence that makes them re-examine themselves and realize it's only to their detriment, and continued unhappiness, that they continue lying to those close to them.

    Yes, she does. She lost the weight, and she says 'hi' by the way.

    I'm not picking on you, I just see a lot of thoughts there that prevent people from being more assertive about what they want, and the way we hold on to our self created delusions is amazing. I know I held on to mine for a long time. Ditching them now will save you a lot of grief down the road.
     
  15. Dcc001

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    New Bitch On Top

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    What are people's views on "the other man," or "the other woman?" How responsible is that guy or girl to the situation that's going on? Does any of the guilt rest with them, or is it wholly the responsibility of the person in the relationship who is straying?
     
  16. Blue Dog

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    If they don't know that they are the "other", then I don't see them being at fault in anyway. If they DO know, however, I'd put them on the exact same level as the cheater. I know that not everyone will agree with me on that, but that's how I've always looked at it.

    The thing that baffles me the most about those kind of arrangements is the people who are SHOCKED! when they are cheated on by the person who they cheated with.
     
  17. The Village Idiot

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    I agree, 100%. If the 'other' isn't a friend of yours, then you have no beef with them. Your agreement is solely with your SO. Not the rest of the world. Now, if it's a friend of yours double dealing, I think it's implicit in any friendship that you don't go out of your way to screw your friend over by screwing their SO. Hence, the breach would be of an agreement you had with your friend separate and apart from the agreement you had with your SO. Both are to blame for violations of different trusts.

    In the Tiger thread, I quoted one of the mistresses, and it was fucking hilarious. What the fuck did you expect from a guy who was lying to his wife?
     
  18. effinshenanigans

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    I'm actually kind of dealing with this right now.

    My parents were recently divorced and my father is engaged to the woman who he was clearly with for a long time before my mother ever discovered anything. I know for a fact that she knew he was married, had kids, etc (not to mention the fact that my mother was still finishing cancer treatment). Stuff like that is going to make it difficult to trust her judgement going forward. It's just tough to think that a woman with kids of her own, whose first marriage was ended by a cheating husband, would knowingly do that to another woman.

    Then again, people are fucking broken. So who knows.
     
  19. iczorro

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    My Dad is on wife number four. When they met, they were both married. he was the guitar guy at church, she was the piano lady. They got caught, got divorced, and ended up marrying each other. They've been together for almost 15 years now. So, it can work, but it's rare.
     
  20. guy incognito

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    Bitter Rant On


    I've never cheated and I never will because I've seen what it does to people. To me there is no more despicable crime against someone who trusts you.

    What happened didn't happen to me thank God. I was in Iraq, but got to leave a month before the rest of my unit because I was ETSing. Rather than paying for a storage unit, my best friend (also in my unit) let me keep my stuff at his place. The first thing I did was rent a car to go grab my stuff from his place. His wife answers the door, and what do I see behind her? Some skinny fucking punk in his boxers. The guy sees me in my uniform, assumes I'm her husband, and dashes out the back door. The bitch actually tried to play it off-she said he was just a friend over for a visit. I was completely floored, and I had to wait until my friend got back before I could tell him. Family is what those guys live for out there and I've SEEN a guy kill himself because of shit like that. Telling him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and he was a wreck for the better part of a year. Getting custody of his son helped him get past it, but damn.

    I haven't personally been cheated on, at least my ex broke it off with me before she started fucking everything with a dick for 50 square miles.

    Bitter Rant Off


    Read Sperm Wars for a better perspective and don't get emotionally invested and you won't have a problem.