In about a month I'm moving into a house here with my girlfriend, effectively ending my years of having other guys as roommates. We've been dating for over five years now and are both looking forward to living together, but I know it'll be an adjustment. Focus: What would you have on your checklist to do in the next month if you were in my position? Alt-focus: For better or worse, any advice for moving in together from TiB?
The first thing you want to make sure you get out of the way is the uncomfortable conversation regarding who will be responsible on a daily basis for the... bump.
Are you moving in with her, she with you, or a new place together? Either way, the biggest lesson I learned when FutureWife moved in with me is that we both needed to make the place our own. When she moved in, she felt like she was moving into my apartment, instead of her new apartment. Initially I wouldnt let her put up her own decorations, change stuff around, re-organize some small things because I liked the way I had them. Eventually she broke down and was upset that the place never really felt like she lived there, and I got the point. I let her make it hers as well, and it turned out way better than expected. To that end, you will very, very quickly learn some of her idiosyncrasies that you never would have noticed otherwise. FutureWife cannot finish a glass of water to save her life. Every morning I come out to a glass with one inch of water left in it from the night before. I just learned to live with it, EVEN THOUGH ITS FUCKING INSANE BEHAVIOR. WHO DOESN'T FINISH A GLASS OF WATER? IF YOU KNOW YOU WONT FINISH, PUT A LITTLE LESS IN NEXT TIME. FINISH THE FUCKING WATER. But I digress, you get the point. Learn to live with them and you'll be much better off.
My wife refuses to let anything but the coffee maker stay on the kitchen counters. She puts the fucking toaster in a cupboard when it's not being used. THAT'S WHAT COUNTERS ARE FOR. PUTTING SHIT ON THEM. Makes me insane.
Don't be the first one to take out the garbage. Also, buy those Just A Drop things for the toilet. They've saved my marriage.
How come? Is this one of those things where the first person to do it will be assumed to always be the one to take out the garbage going forward?
For us, it was helpful to talk about how we were going to handle chores. It wasn't the day we moved in together, but once things settled down after a few weeks we talked about it. It's helpful if you know you're on the same page. Example: we would eat dinner and I'd start cleaning up. Husband would say, "Don't worry about the skillet. I'll clean it later." I assumed "later" meant later that night or the next day. For him it meant later in the week or the next time we wanted to cook with it. After a while I would start to think, "Ummm are you still going to do this or should I just take care of it?" Because I'm anal retentive about some things. My pet peeve is a sink full of dishes that are starting to smell or having to clean something so that I can use it. His pet peeve is cat hair all over the floors and furniture. So I tend to take care of the dishes a little bit more often, and he takes care of the hair a little more often. It all pretty much balances out in the end, and it works for us. Different things work for different people. It's worth spending 10-20 minutes talking about how y'all want to take care of things around the house. And try not to silently freak out when you hear your girl quadruple flushing, destroying the toilet.
My advice? Depends. Do you live in a world of hope and faith? Or do you live in one of leverage and consequence?
What me and my gf did before moving in was start asking questions about the smallest goddamn things. "Where do you like to put your ______" and "How often do you like to clean the _______" are the two questions you should be asking for the next month. Fill in everything from eggs to shoes for the first one. Toilet to airvents from the second one. iczorro is dead on the fucking money. That blender you used to leave on the counter because you use it every single day and it's not in the way of anything...NOW HAS TO BE UNPLUGGED AFTER EVERY USE AND PUT ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE SO IT IS NOT IN WAY OF THE AIR FLOWING IN THE KITCHEN OR SOME SHIT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. Every power strip, laptop cord or any simple appliance (outside of the TV/Cable/Internet/Fridge/Oven/Microrwave) gets unplugged when not in use. But god forbid she run the water in the sink for two seconds after spitting out toothpaste after brushing her teeth so the sink isn't gross. Now as someone said before, you're not going to be able to change most of it, but not getting caught off guard could help with some small compromises. At this point in life, you don't realize how many patterns of shit you've fallen into. You need to open your eyes and try to become aware of yours and become aware of hers. I'd arrange to have a sleepover at your place so she can start asking questions and vice versa. Try getting up in the morning and using the bathroom at the same time to get ready. DO. NOT. ASSUME. ANYTHING.
Hahahahaha, oh, hahaha, that's a good one. Thanks for starting the joke thread back up. Obviously, there's no such thing as the first one, once you graduate from college. Hahahhhmmm.
No, actually I think that would be me - July, '62. Concerning the "living together thing" - I've been married just shy of 34 years and I have to say as much as you think you know a person, living together as a couple, not a roommate is completely different - and it even gets better...it will change, frequently. So the secret to a successful, long term marriage/relationship is to remember a few things - be open minded and flexible, nobody is perfect - not even you, marriage is never 50/50 - more often than not it is around 70/30. Sometimes you're the 70%, sometimes you're the 30%. That's what life and compromise is all about - if you want to succeed in marriage that is what you need to keep in mind. Once children enter the picture - the game changes, but the same rules apply.
Ladies I have to ask, why the hell do you do this? Several past girlfriends did this as does the current gf. At least two or three times a week I damn near fill top half of the dishwasher simply by collecting her abandoned water glasses.
This is not the same thing. I will often have water left in my glass by the end of the night/in the morning, because how the hell am I supposed to know exactly how much water I will need to quench my thirst? But I don't abandon said glass for a new glass. I will dump out old water, do a quick rinse, and refill it. After a couple of days I will declare it grody and do a new glass.
Alt-Focus: Make sure you have a house with fans in the bathrooms, never allow her to shit in front of you, ever. Make sure you are both in agreement on who pays what and get it in writing and do not co-mingle your money. Make sure she is aware of how many days a year you will be hunting and fishing and get it in writing. No woman wants total honesty, they say they do but they are lying so learn how to lie and be fine with it.