AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough. 7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. Focus: Discuss your own unorthodox remedies for simple problems around the house. They should be real for the most part sprinkled with some funny here and there. EX: I didn't own a vacuum for the longest time, so instead I just used duct tape clean up messy areas. Any fruit that goes past its prime a few days, find a good recipe and make into bread. (Banana bread, apple bread, Elton John bread, etc.) Put human hair around your garden edges and critters won't eat your shit.
What the hell? Is this really true? I've never heard such a thing. So I can take the hair that collects in my brush and use to deter slugs from eating my vegetation? SO COOL!
Yep, slugs, rabbits, the works. Especially if you pick up the hair with your duct tape vacuum. I've also heard if you put a toytoy out there it works the same way; to each his own.
Did yall know that on each end of a package of aluminum foil, there are small punch-in holes that keep the roll from coming out of the box when you are pulling on it? I just found this out like 6 months ago, and the world has been a better place since. I literally had no idea, and had always handled aluminum foil like a retard with two hook-hands covered in KY.
I don't know if serious replies are allowed, but this: 1 litre hot water 1 scoop of Tide 2-3 tbsp white vinegar Will clean a stain out of anything. An example: my cousin spent the day changing a transmission, then went and sat on his parents' brand new, cream, non-scotch-guarded microfibre couch and left axle grease all over the seat cushion. Came right out, and didn't discolour the fabric.
I thought we'd just concluded that human hair also keeps pesky women from eating men's ass gardens too.
Hanging a ziplock bag with some water in it keep flies away... Yes, this works. I've tried it. Go ahead and call bullshit --which is exactly what I did when I heard about it.
If your hardwood floor squeaks, sweep baby powder over the entire area. The powder will get deep down in between the planks, and can sometimes muffle squeaks by providing cushioning that wasn't there before. Then, just sweep & vacuum up excess afterwards. No toilet bowl cleaner? Dump a can of coke in it and leave it overnight. Flush it in the morning, the acid in the pop will have cleaned the bowl to a white shine. You can shave with peanut butter if you HAVE to, but wash with soap & water afterwards unless you want a HORRIBLE acne breakout. Always have a big tub of plain bleach. It's still the best for cleaning tub rings, shower trays, sinks and toilets. Just fill 'em up and dump 1/4 jug of bleach in, leave for two hours. Empty and clean. Booya. A hole in copper (or other) water piping can be patched by using a small chunk of garden hose and two ring clamps. Take the section of hose and cut it on one side the long way so it can be opened right up. Place it over the leak in the pipe so it covers it like an pipe insullation rod. Tighten the two ring clamps around the hose to fasten it tight to the pipe. Voila.
Club soda or sprite will clean up most stains on carpet. It will not however clean blood stains out of jeans, it only makes them stink like sugary rust.
Fruit fly trap: take a glass. Add your preferred liquid that flies are attracted to; wine, fruit juice, etc. Add water and a drop of soap. If you eliminate any other food sources (i.e. take out the fucking garbage) the flies will be attrached to the glass, and the reduced surface tension will cause them to fall into the water. Then, watch them squirm and try to escape.
To add to this: I've had much better success if you cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap and use a fork to poke holes in it. The bastards get in, and they can't get out. I blame the bananas for the fruit flies.
Tip #1: If you put that frying pan of delicious pork chops in a 400F oven to finish cooking and stupidly grab the handle moments after it's been removed, just when you need a few hours of sleep before a huge meeting and an 18 hour day, and the mother-fucking pain is unbearable, spray a liberal amount of hairspray on it. It seals the wound and stops the air from hitting it, thus reducing the pain dramatically and sweet slumber can come. Tip #2: Don't be stupid and you won't need this remedy. (If anyone hits me for the brutal run-on sentence above, I will stab you.)
Is this thread for real advice or fake advice? I don't mind leaving it vague though, the real life ramifications are funnier that way.
Whether it's real or fake, just make sure you use the active voice. Focus: To clean oven racks, take the racks, put them in a large garbage bag, spray it with oven cleaner, tie the bag in a knot and leave it out in the sun all day. Then, just hose it down and it'll sparkle. Beats the shit out of trying to scrub it.
But cold water always cleans blood stains from....well, anything. So the next time your ladyfriend is grinding on your leg and leaves behind a bloody crotchprint (Jonah Hill, is that you?) just run it under cold tap water and vigorously rub your fingers over the stain to help the water penetrate the fabric. If your faucet only delivers lukewarm water, ice cubes work as well. Focus: Ever try to remove a painted-over screw? Yeah, fuck that noise. Pretty much impossible, right? They sell these things call screw extractors, but what if you don't have one? Simple solution: Holding another screw with a pair of pliers, get out a lighter and make the head of that screw super-duper hot. Hold the head of that screw to the other one, and voila! The paint burns off. Since the heated screw makes the other one expand, cool it down with a piece of ice (to make it contract) before trying to unscrew it. But it'll come right out!
Use a sawzall with a 12-inch coarse blade for difficult cuts when butchering a deer (cat, wolverine, hooker). Just be sure to spray the blade clamping mechanism with WD-40 after cleanup.
If you're really in a pinch and don't have an ice scraper fot your car, a plastic dust pan can work wonders (discovered this myself last week) Help get rid of slugs with beer: Bury a plastic or glass cup in the ground and fill it half full with beer. The slugs will go right to it, fall in and drown.
yeah, because I've watched those little shits slink down the side of the glass/bowl sniff the fruit juice, say "naw", and fly the fuck off. good tip. *high-five*