All it does is yell "tits" every few seconds.

A company has developed a device called an iBrain that will theoretically be able to read your mind. What's the first thing you'd do if you had one?

 

This device, approximately 20 minutes after being invented:

 

I would put it on one of those people who go catatonic. What could they be thinking about?



Secondly, I would hook it up to me while dreaming.

As used in most scenarios I can conceive of, this device sounds like the be all end all of civil conversation as we know it.

 

"This machine is full of shit, it can't read minds"

 

I don't want to know what another person is thinking. That's weird. I do, however, want to know what my cat is thinking. If they make one of these for cats, I will do whatever I have to in order to afford such a wondrous device.

But since I have to keep to the focus:

I'd find a use for it somehow in the treatment of schizophrenic patients. I've always thought that insight into their delusions and hallucinations would be a helpful tool in eventually utilizing talk therapy for that particular mental illness.

 

Same. People don't need to know how much of a closet deviant I am. Besides, it would have the biggest subject changes ever.

 

Punch the guy who named it in the face. Seriously, the iBrain? We as a people cannot come up with anything better than rebranding Apple marketing for completely unrelated products?

 

Get a divorce if Mrs. Noland ever saw the results.

 

I'm not sure I fully understand this. Does it read every thought a person has, or just give you a general idea of what the person is thinking based on brain waves? I see why it's useful in the medical field, but why would average citizens want to be hooked up to this?

 

Last summer, I was standing on a train platform and a woman walked by me who was, shall we say, in just absolutely terrible shape(s).

For whatever reason, my first thought was, "I bet her tits are awful."

Just as that (admittedly terrible) thought finished in my mind, she stopped, turned and stared right at me for a good 10 seconds or so. About half way through her stare, I looked at the guy standing next to me, thinking that I might've said that out loud, but he gave no reaction. She eventually broke her gaze and waddled down the platform.

So no, I don't need a device that says what I'm thinking out loud. Apparently there are people who can pick up on that shit just fine already.

 

I vote that you actually did say that out loud, however two things are likely occuring.

First - he is wondering if HE just said that out loud as well.

Second - There is no way he is making a single move and getting dragged down with you.

I can also make one of these devices so my wife can know what I am thinking as well. It's a stack of post it notes. 400 of em. they all read "blow me"

 

That device would break from repetition-overload if it read my mind.

Feed me. Fuck me. Fuck off. Feed me. Fuck me. Fuck off. Feed me. Fuck me. Fuck off.

 

Well Feed me, could be the same as fuck me, just a different hole.

 

It doesn't have to be.

Focus:
The first thing I would do is see how many more days a year I could fish without my wife divorcing me.

I would not want it used on my brain as people would be able to see how my inter actions with them are almost always selfishly based.

 

Sometimes I wonder how it is possible that e-strangers share my brain.