So by a confluence of circumstances, I've come across a few interesting things about age difference and dating. Firstly, this okcupid post about stated age preferences among their users is interesting: <a class="postlink" href="http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-case-for-an-older-woman/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-c ... der-woman/</a> Bear in mind that it faces the problem of gathering its data from what must be a user base at least slightly skewed from the general population, and it tries to reach conclusions about the general population from its own users (which, if this were a medical or scientific paper, would be a cardinal sin) but there are still some neat phenomena. For example, this chart shows men's stated age preferences compared with their age. The colours show what age of women they actually message: And the same chart for women: It's kind of interesting that men are more willing to date younger but not much older, and the reverse case holds true for women, with the exception that women are much more narrow in their preferred age range. But as the author of the article points out, those vertical lines in the colour indicates that there seem to be milestone ages women reach where their age preferences change significantly. 20 year old women message 50 year old men much more frequently than 19 year olds; the same holds true with 29 and 28 year olds, and 40 and 39 year olds. And just as their interest in older men rises significantly at those ages, their interest in younger men falls. The same trend doesn't exist for men, however. If you'd asked me what my stated age preference would be in a mate, I'd have chosen a pretty narrow age spectrum. I'm 23, and I wouldn't really want to be dating (and I mean dating, not just screwing) someone much younger than 22 (the age at which you typically, or are near finishing an undergrad degree) and I'd have set 25 or 26 as an upper age limit. Not because I think someone that old is used up or unattractive, but more because I wouldn't think a woman older than that would be much interested in someone who was barely a year out of university. But then, I've recently become involved with a woman older than those age preferences. The difference isn't huge - she doesn't qualify as a cougar - but it's enough to make me do a double take when I think about it, because it doesn't seem to affect day-to-day dynamics a whole lot. The age difference does sit just outside what the median maximum preferred age for a man my age is, and I'm about 2-3 years below the median preferred minimum age for a woman her age (among okcupid users, at least). In general, I always thought there was something slightly suspect about a relationship with a significant age difference. People love to say that age is "just a number", and while of course there exists massive variation in maturity, life experience, etc., I think there are certain life experiences maturity doesn't compensate for. Best example I can think of is how someone might have no problem going to school for several years to become a certain profession, graduate, and within a few months decide that they actually want nothing to do with it. I don't doubt there are intelligent, mature students in the world, but all the maturity and intelligence in the world won't tell you how you'll react to working day in and day out at a job you don't have yet. In that way, the difference between a 26 year old who's been working and financially self-sufficient for a few years and a 22 year old who is still in school and debt-ridden can be pretty massive despite the rather small age gap. Of course, nothing prevents there being a difference between a 26 year old who's been working and a 26 year old who just stayed in school the whole time. Focus: What are your experience with age differences / age preferences? Have your ideas changed over time? Alt-focus: Cougars. Spoiler
My range of experiences is as follows: Youngest: She had just turned 19 (I was 24) Oldest: She was 41, (I was 23) Neither of these were true relationships per se, but they weren't exactly quick little flings either. I learned way more about relationships and connections with the 41 year old than the 19 year old. We were hanging out/hooking up for about 4 months. Thankfully she didnt have any kids, which removed the element of me becoming a surrogate father, and was just a working professional hooking up with a younger guy. She was a lot of fun. The 19 year old was absolutely stunning and was great in bed (except for when her eyes rolled back in her head like the Exorcist when she had an orgasm), but she was incredibly immature and insecure. She would constantly insist we be official, even though she was a freshmen in college and I was already out and working. In the end were just at different points in our lives and she ended up getting pregnant 6 months later. The age thing isnt a big deal for me. If I find you attractive and fun, then thats enough.
The youngest I've ever dated is 16, when I was 19. I've dated a couple of women my age, but as a general rule of thumb I date and hook up with women between the ages of 17-20; (I'm in my early twenties myself, and age of consent in my state is 17). Now I've never dated anyone older than myself; but I have hooked up with women up to three years older than me. It's not really a matter of preference but it is the pattern I keep. I really don't mind it either; although the drama surrounding women who are either freshly graduated from high school, or in a few cases in their senior year is one of the biggest downsides to it. Throw in the smaller issues of most of them not having stable jobs, cars, or independent living situations, and it's a pain in the ass at times. On the reverse side, the women my age or older tend to be slightly harder to get. Partly because of the local culture where as a rule a good majority of the women are married or have children by their 21st birthday. So where you have the younger girls still starting out in life, and sorting out what remains of high school drama; the older women have children, ex-husbands, or baby daddies to deal with as well. So it's a toss up of what bullshit you're willing to put up with.
I'm assuming we're only talking about dating/relationships here, not sex. You can use age as an indicator, but I don't think you should draw a hard line. I mean, if a a guy is 48 with two kids, and is dating a 25 year old girl fresh out of school, then there is probably something a little off in one of their lives, since they simply shouldn't be in the same place, emotionally and in terms of experience. For me, personally... I'm 30. I would consider just about anyone who's done with their undergraduate degree on the low end - mostly because college students are living a completely different life than mine, so I'd expect us to be far apart in terms of spending our free time. Not that I'd expect most 22-year-olds to be compatible, but I'm not going to reject them simply because of their age. On the upper end, I think I'd be mostly limited by the fact that I still want to do too much traveling to bring kids into the equation, so that's automatically going to take out a big chunk of the older demographic. Even of women older than myself that don't have kids, I'm rapidly eliminating those that want them. It's all about what you want out of life at this moment.
My high school boyfriend was really only two years older than me, but was born at the end of three years earlier than me, so it often seemed like he was three years older than me. As in, he was in college by the time we started dating when I was a sophomore, so it seemed like a bigger deal than it was. One of the reasons I broke up with him is that he was way too immature. My college boyfriend was a year and a half younger than me. Anything relating to immaturity was the least of our problems. But, it definitely felt weird sometimes, even with so little of a difference. I have only ever made out with one other person that was younger than me, and that's because he is ridiculously hot and it was a good story due to what he was like in high school and what I was like in high school. Everyone else that I have dated or hooked up with has been older than me, but not by that much. The biggest gap was he was 28 and I was just turning 21. Like most girls, at least in their twenties, I prefer someone older than me, but I have a pretty low age cap at around 7 or so years older than me. Having any kind of paternalistic nature to a relationship would creep me out. I do try not to judge someone based on their age, though, because I hate when people do that to me. Almost everyone that I've been most interested in for a while has been 4 years older than me. It feels right, but I don't know why. I don't think I'll ever be one of those girls dating men ten or twenty years older than me. Shudder.
In high school I always liked them the same age or a year younger mostly, but since I've been in college I've definitely jumped on the older bandwagon. I also seem to have more success with the older ones which I find weird considering I'm a short dude and I look younger then I am. When I was 19 I had a thing with a 22 year old for a few months, which was pretty awesome might I add. Something about being more mature just gets me, I dunno. Maybe it was just the fact that she could buy me alcohol. My biggest regret though was when I was a young 18 year ol' lad and I could have hooked up with a 24 year old. She was pretty much waiting for me at this party, but considering she was kind of drunk and I wasn't...at all i couldn't do it. I know she would have been one of those memorable ones, and she drove a Beamer..Damn.
Focus: Biggest age differences: My junior: 3 years (my ex-wife) My senior: 26 years (a long time friend-with-benefits) With the exception of my ex-wife, every woman I've ever been involved with has been at least a year older than me, and usually 5-10 years older. The woman I'm seeing right now is 5 years older than me. I would never date a woman younger than 21. I like older women for a lot of reasons; for one, they are usually more receptive to my advances, and many times they are the ones who come up to me. Obviously, most of them are more mature and experienced, more intelligent, and less crazy than younger women. They are often more secure financially, and they usually have better personalities. Lastly, all of the older women I've dated have been total horn-dogs who really knew how to move in bed. That comes with years of experience that younger women don't have.
Where you are in life and how mature you are defines what you're looking for in a relationship, not age. Personally I hate dating younger women because of the drama and bullshit that usually comes associated. Right now I'm 29 and am seeing an amazing 49 year old. The qualities which usually attract me to older women are they have no time for foolishness, they call you out if you're being am asshole, they're brutally honest, and the sex is absolutely heavenly. If she wasn't already married I would ask her to be my wife. For those of you wondering, she has an open marriage.
Now this intrigues me. I always assumed that guys who are with someone significantly older (i.e. 10 years or more) are just focusing on the short term, i.e. "It works at the moment, why worry about ten or twenty years down the road." Does the idea of her being 60 when you hit 40 not seem weird to you? I specify guys because women seem to be less averse to old balls than we are to old tits. I'm currently seeing someone who is a little more than 5 years older than me. I've typically dated pretty narrowly within a year of myself, probably just out of convenience/abundance. In theory, I might date as low as 19 or so, but I have trouble imagining having much in common with them. Also, the legal drinking age would be an irritating impediment. Realizing that you can't take the significant other along to grab drinks with people just seems like a pain in the ass. On the other end of the spectrum, five older is about as far as I'm willing to go because anything beyond that has the risk of putting you at different life stages with regard to things like kids, career, health, etc. For example, I want kids eventually but not any time soon. Five years or more in the future, probably. That puts the lady friend at 38+, which is fairly old for that sort of thing. Also, old boobs.
I love old balls. I've said this in threads past. I have no idea what my ceiling is because every time I specify an age, I see a guy who is so hot I want to tie myself up and let him fuck me six ways from Sunday, and he's invariably always older than my specified age. In my particular experience, older men are more concerned with my orgasms, less inhibited in the bedroom and less likely to take my shit, all of which appeal to me greatly. Any time I date someone close to my age, it ends badly. I think the best age gap is about ten years (any 34-year-olds want to get down?) but if someone is using their "Do this or else" voice around me, they can be anywhere from 18 to dead.
No, absolutely not. I want to share the rest of my life with this woman. It is the best sex of my entire fucking life without question but its more than that. I want a companion and a best friend to share my adventures with. It is not an ideal situation because I will probably outlive her and she will never leave her husband for me, but life is never fair.
I'm not age-ist, but I typically find that that as I get older I'm less interested in the stupidity of youth (but I would, on occasion, put up with it for a short period of time). It's not unheard of to find the stupidity of age, and I'm less likely to want to endure that at all. My current girlfriend is 12 years younger than me, and it's a serious relationship. I think the fact that we each have a kid to a jerk ex and are trying to behave in a civil fashion about it has pushed our maturity in a similar direction. That being said, my son's mother is nearly 4 years older than I am. She acts less mature than my girlfriend. As an aside, someone once told me the perfect age of a woman for any particular man is calculated as: (Your Age/2) + 7 = Her Age. I'm 36, my girlfriend is 25 - hits it right on the mark.
I've hooked up with women up to twice my age, (48, Vegas brings out the best in women). She was one of the best in bed, and was very eager to please. I like to think it was because she had something to prove, being that much older. I'm sure that factors in, but I've still had great sex with 21 year olds that blew my mind, maybe it's luck,. but the 48 year old actually worked for it.
I'm 21; the oldest I've been with is 41. I enjoyed it a lot, but it raised a few issues. The first was that she was always feeling inadequate. She knew that she was less attractive than women my age, and it caused a lot of validation issues. I had to tell her repeatedly, "Look. If I wanted someone younger, I wouldn't be hanging out with you." Also, it really didn't have a future. We both knew that there was absolutely zero chance of a lasting relationship, and it affected things. All in all, I like older women. Less drama, and it's easier to be myself. I find myself pretending to be something I'm not when I talk to women my age; they're simply not interested in a guy who plays chess, programs, and reads history textbooks for fun. Older women seem to accept that I am who I am. Or maybe it's just that they're happy someone younger is paying attention to them.
Girl, you are speaking my language. I used to be pretty rigid about not fucking or dating anyone more than 6 years older than I am. Then I dated a 28 year old when I was 20. He could munch box like a professional and he was very into physical fitness. So I increased my acceptable age range. Then, when I was 23, I met a 32 year old lawyer who absolutely rocked my socks off in bed. Like, eager to please, cared about my orgasms, open to trying anything, and he really, really excelled at dominance/submission play. It wouldn'tve worked out romantically for many reasons--and, as it turned out, I moved away shortly after we stopped having sex. But his awesomeness in the sack opened up a window of opportunity for other older men to approach me and not get immediately shot down because of a large age difference. So when The Dude initiated contact with me (him: 37, me: 26), I barely gave our 11 year age difference a second thought. In my experience, older men are: -more forgiving of physical imperfections. -less likely to complain about (or even mention) any pubic hair I may have. -more likely to make it their mission to help me match them orgasm-for-orgasm (not always a great thing, but I think it comes from a good place). -equally as willing as younger men are to engage in any specific role play or act I want, but... -more likely to get enthusiastic about it themselves also and want to incorporate that into their own repertoire -less attractive physically, but only by a slight margin
I've never been with someone who was more than 3 years age difference than me older or younger, I'm 22 now. As far as physical looks, I pretty regularly see women in their 40s who I find attractive, and sometimes I see a girl who is smoking and then I find out she is 16 or 17 and I just feel like a pedo for the thought alone. For just sex the age range I could go from is 18 to whatever I find attractive, like someone said earlier, it's hard to put an age limit on that kind of thing, some people age better than others. As far as having an actual relationship would go I don't think I could date anyone under 21 ever. There is nothing like trying to go out for a good time and being with someone who is underage and searching desperately for a bar that will let you in with them. Funny that my first thought about my lower limit of dating is about drinking because, ironically, my next point was going to be the maturity thing. Generally I find females under 21 that age to be almost universally bratty and self-absorbed or extremely naive, not to say I wasn't the same way at that age I suppose. For older I don't think I could go above 5 years older than I am, women that age seem to have this thing about their "biologic clock ticking" or whatever and I sure as hell don't want kids any time in the foreseeable future, I'm just trying to have fun.
The wife is 2 years younger than me, but honestly I tend to find myself as attracted to hot mid-forties as much as young women. Too me the most attractive thing in a women is self confidence, especially if they own their sexuality, and that is where older women tend to excel in my opinion.
The best post by any female board member on this board, ever. Apparently, today is hooker-loves-Roxanne day. Couldn't agree with you more.
My range has probably been about 8-10 years in either direction. An observation, younger women will make you wait until 2 AM (or late) to hit it, older women have shit to do the next day and want to get started earlier. Disclaimer: This has just been something that seems to be true and may not represent a trend. In other words I may be full of shit. Roxanne, Just so happens I'm 34 on the button. Just don't make me wait too late or I'm going to take my old balls to bed.