Against the Grain

Shots

I have not seen the vanity in this since I was nineteen. Nothing says "I hate alcohol" like slamming booze like an ape. All these stupid death shots like prarie fire or flatliner are NOT fucking charm school tutors. The girly ones in the ketchup cups couldn't get a mouse drunk. Pass.

Enjoy getting drunk. This isn't The Lost Weekend.

 

Horrible Bosses was the worst Aniston in my opinion. Every time she tries to act sexy, it's so laden with effort that the effect is quite the opposite. She performs sexuality like she's putting together furniture from Ikea, and watching it arouses me about as much.

Also, if you don't like hip-hop, that's cool. But I have yet to meet a single person -- a SINGLE person -- that has a knee-jerk dismissal of hip hop that actually understands what's going on. Don't blame hip hop for your own ignorance of it, and I'll do the same for metal, country, and other genres I haven't gone too deeply into.

Movies I don't like, that I am supposed to:

Office Space. The Big Lebowski. Animal House.

 

Not the entirety of football, but offense.

Don't get me wrong a truly good offense is fun to watch. But I have so much trouble respecting the shit that people like Rodgers, and Brees, are doing simply because it's not really hard anymore. Back when defenses had an equal chance the entire game was fun. But if you keep tweeking the rules to basically red carpet the path to the endzone it's not fun to watch. It's get's boring, and much like the steroid era in baseball, offensive records in football now have an asterisk in my mind.

 

OH Sarah Jessica Parker. I guess she is only loved by all the women of the world, but she is the ugliest woman to be famous for an extended period of time in the last 15 years. She looks like a horse. I hear women say she's pretty and I laugh in their faces.

And I hate people that say they don't watch TV but watch TV shows (yes these people are loved by greater society). That's still watching TV. And you're still getting commercials during most streams unless you've torrented Just say you hate watching or don't watch commercials, are impatient and everyone will understand. I know people who don't watch TV or TV shows. They watch movies, read books, listen to NPR and podcasts. They don't watch TV, Hulu, OnDemand or Netflix Streaming.

 

Here goes:

Popular/Top 40/Radio: Fuck it all. This shit makes people fucking stupid.

It's all the same. Shit lyrics, shit talent, shit music. Nothing more than a catchy beat or hook to get people singing along with fucking inane bullshit. I can't even describe how much I become enrages just turning the radio on. It's the foundation for the empty-headed materialistic pop culture shit that's being and has been shoved down our throats, and anyone wonders why the population mostly consists of idiots? Get 'em young and keep it coming, just like the cigarette companies figured out decades ago. Even the "classic rock" stations are being overtaken with shit like Nickelback and Theory of a Deadman* in an apparent attempt to further spread this disease of new shit music to older generations.

*Okay, so I do like these guys a bit, but they don't belong on a fucking classic rock station.

KISS: Yeah, everyone over age 30 red dot me. This band sucks. Their music is absolutely mediocre and grating, and Gene Simmons is a complete tool who seems to think women exist purely for his personal gratification. Speaking of tools...

Metallica: I'm not saying they suck, but they are far too overrated. If religious extremists were nearly as zealous about their chosen deity as the average Metallica fan is of the band, the human race would have been gone centuries ago.

Organic food: Fuck you. Need I say more?

NASCAR: "So it's six hours into this here race, y'all, and we got some dern good competition! #2 is coming up hot, trying to take the lead, what's #78464576474 gonna do to block him from takin' that there lead spot? AND HE MAKES A LEFT TURN! HOLY SHEEIT! This NASCAR action is almost as excitin' as fuckin mah first cousin while her pappy watches! YEE-HAW!"

And the one that's going to send my rep so low it breaks the forum:

Alcohol: Yep. I've known far too many people who seem to think you can't have fun without drinking, and that the term "excess" is a word made up by people who want to abolish all fun for eternity. Drinking can be fun, bit the term "overrated" falls far short of the mark here.

 

Although I was raised Catholic, I'm not a fan of Jesus.

 

And Matthew Broderick married her. Modern day, that would be like Zac Efron marrying someone patently unattractive who Hollywood tries to shove down our throats (oh hey Miley Cyrus). Then again Matthew Broderick also dated Jennifer Grey, so maybe he just has a nose fetish.

 

Jimmy Hendrix

As a guitar player for the past 19 years, I say this with respect. I don't think he blows or is not worthy of praise but I never got the big deal. I can listen to his music and enjoy it but I never think Wow that guy is fucking amazing.

 

Probably because he is most likely gay.

 

I don't really see what the big deal is about vaginal sex. Personally I'd rather just get BJs and buttsex all the time (not necessarily in that order)*.




*s/n: I once 'jokingly' said something along these lines to me girlfriend and she almost had a break down. She did not think it was funny at all that I was implying I preferred her mouth and/or ass to her vag.

**I was only halfway joking.

 

Oh, this reminds me. Buttsex. I've tried it three times now with 2 different women and all three times I didn't have half as much fun as regular sex. If all I wanted from sex was tightness, I'd give myself an angry handjob. The vag is a wonderful apparatus and it's designed for this purpose, why not just put it in there instead?

In fact, I might catch some real heat for this one, but given the option, I would opt for vaginal sex over a blow job every time too. I get distracted during blowjobs. I need an activity to keep me interested.

 

Are you trying to entice Nom into blowing you?

For me, a lot of popular comedy in movies, TV, etc. just doesn't do it for me. I won't call it hate, but I never cared for The Office. Family Guy, which has been mentioned a couple times, outright blows.

Artichoke. I'm a big vegetable fan, and it's hard for me to admit I find one so utterly useless. But I don't believe anyone who likes them can explain why, and have that explanation involve an actual artichoke. They don't taste like anything, they have useless texture, and they look stupid.

Anti Focus?: I love shitty horror movies.

 

If we were to ever meet, this would be the only possible result.



From another thread:

Rap: I understand that it takes talent to put a good beat together, and to create lyrics that match the rhythym of the song, but good god does it sound like shit. The worst rap is not only very popular, it represents the lowest depth of humanity. Yeah, I thought Eminem was cool, when I was 13. The guy raps about killing his mom, his wife, ripping women's tits off, and sticking his dick in tip jars, among other things. I only listened to the first album.

Blowing your load on a chick's face: I've had girls ask me to do this, and I just don't understand what's appealing about seeing jizz clinging to her nose and dribbling down her chin. Most guys seem to think this is hot. I can't think of a worse way to end of a romantic moment. I'd rather shoot in an orifice.

 

I'm probably gonna have to hand in my nerd card when I say this but,


Joss Whedon.

Seriously. I just don't get it. I'll admit, he can come up with some decent concepts and some snarky dialogue. But character development? Proper story progression? Nope. None to be found. Or, at least, none that I've seen. Firefly getting canceled was probably the best thing that could have ever happened. It got cut down in it's prime (which I found meh to decent anyway) before it had a chance to suck. The fans pretty much picked up all of the slack afterwards into making it far more than it ever would have been under Whedon's helm. I'll freely admit I watched Buffy and Angel and even enjoyed them. I enjoyed the first 2-3 seasons of each I actually found to be pretty quality television. But once they ran out of decent villains and they actually had to try to flesh out some characters............not so much. At least he hires actresses that are easy on the eyes, that makes a lot of it bearable.

 

This. This common and absurd lack of understanding of context, history and the way one event affects the next. There are other examples even just in this thread, but this one is so clean and perfect, I couldn't resist.

Look it's a perfectly reasonable thing to say you don't enjoy listening to Hendrix play. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to say that you're not a fan of his direction, or that you don't like his sound, or whatever. But if you've been playing for 19 years and you don't understand why Jimi Hendrix is important, then you're either being willfully ignorant or you're actually stupid. How can you possibly have played an instrument for two decades and have so little understanding of its history?
People approach the instrument in a completely different way and with a far greater sense of freedom and possibility, because of what he did. He changed the history of a musical instrument. That doesn't amaze you? Really? What have you done?

You know, I don't get what the big deal is with the wheel, you guys. It's just a round disk, who cares? So totally overrated...

 

FOCUS: What things, despite the fact that they seem to be loved by the rest of society do you have contempt for?

Suapyg, I usually like reading your posts, as they almost always add depth to a thread, but this is an opinion thread, not a fact thread. As such, he's entitled to his opinion, even if it doesn't agree with yours, as are other people entitled to their opinions. Also, you cannot conclusively say that every.single.guitarist in the world approaches the guitar differently because of Jimi Hendrix's music - some guitarists may never have even heard of Jimi Hendrix or heard him play (either live or recorded).

FOCUS:

Fast-food chains. I understand the need for them (for convenience and/or laziness), but, mostly, I'm not excited much by their food - I'm usually able to prepare a tastier meal at home for less money than paying at a take-out. The obvious exception is the hamburger, which can take a longer time to prepare at home (and often at higher cost due to time used in preparation) than waiting in the line at a fast-food chain. On average, I'll eat take-out about twice a month.

 

Yes, and you clowns seem to love to be obtuse and counter-fucking-everything, and confuse facts with opinions, and I have contempt for it. You personally seem to have a lack of understanding about how history works. I CAN conclusively say that every single guitarist in the world approaches the guitar differently whether they've heard Hendrix or not, because HE CHANGED THE WAY THE GUITAR IS USED IN MUSIC. Do you seriously not get how that works? That means that the instrument's role in the world is different post the-existence-of-this-man, whether you actually heard him or not.

I didn't say that he shouldn't be entitled to an opinion of the man's music, in fact I specifically said that wasn't what bothered me. I said that he clearly doesn't understand his importance or he would appreciate how amazing his contribution was, and that I'm annoyed by ignorant idiots who hate shit just to hate shit without regard for context or history.

So try this: Focus: many people, particularly on this board, seem to love to say "I don't think [musician/inventor/athlete/painter/politician/fucking-dog-walker who changed history] is so amazing, what's the big deal?"
That annoys the piss out of me. It's ignorant. Have an opinion, of course. But if you can't understand or acknowledge the reason that [whatever] is important, you've gone beyond opinion and into just plain uninformed complaining.

That clear enough for you?

But thank you for saying nice things about my posts, I appreciate it.

 

God damnit, suapyg stole my thunder, I finally had a little downtime to do my regular old internet browsing and remember I wanted to say something in this thread.

That being said, if youve been a guitar player for 19 years, I'm going to assume at some point you learned Little Wing/ Castles Made of Sand/ whatever. If you have, and when you were trying to play it you didn't think to yourself, "well, shit," then you must also be a genius, and more power to you. Maybe you don't listen to him, but you have to understand what he did.

Same goes for the Beatles. Lots of posts saying they don't like, nay, they hate the Beatles. That's fine. But I'd be pretty willing to say they are near single handedly responsible for all the advances in studio music that led to what we're listening to today. There were no "studio artist" before them, records were a way to make some cash and promote concerts. They finally said "fuck it" after getting fed up with trying to be artists as well as tour, and stayed strictly to the studio. Without them, the entire landscape of music would be completely different. You absolutely CAN say they changed the way the entire world looks at music.

And the third: rap and hip hop. Not a direct quote, but if you say, "I hate rap because when I was 13 I listened to Eminem and he's SO BAD"... come on. The arguments I'm seeing amount to "I think the Eagles are terrible, therefore all of classic rock is terrible. The styles of hiphop are as far reaching as any other genre. There's a lot that could probably be mistaken for rock music, if the lyrical style was a bit different. And ever since Nom's favorite rapper came out, there's now hiphop that's pretty much exclusively for white people! This isn't one of those, "If you don't like it, at least understand what it did" things, I'm more than willing to bet that there's an artist out there you'll enjoy a lot once you get past the OH MAN I HATE RAPS