The Wife's baby shower was last weekend, which means that pretty much this entire week has been dedicated to me, as the good husband/daddy, putting together a bunch of stuff in my free time. I've had to hang monkey curtains, monkey valances, monkey rocking chairs, monkey mobiles, monkey strollers (no monkeys on it, actually, but you get the point)- monkey EVERYTHING. If this kids grows up to hate monkeys, I won't blame him one bit. Hell, I'm starting to hate the little fuckers, and I'm not even the one who's going to be playing with all the shit. The theme was actually supposed to be monkeys and elephants, but I think we got 286 monkey gifts to each elephant one. I guess the baby-stuff-making industry is prejudiced against elephants and towards monkeys. Those bastards. So, if you can't tell yet, I need a little break, so I plan to get a little drunk tonight, and then eat and drink my face off at the local annual BBQ festival tomorrow. But before I can do that, I have to sit through one more day of head-doctor testing. Happy Happy, Joy Joy. But on a side note- after reading a mailbag entry earlier this week on Deadspin, I took the liberty of trying out the guy's suggestion and taking a shit while leaning back as I'm doing the business instead of doing what I and I'm guessing every other guy in existence does while taking a shit- leaning forward with your elbows on your knees (you heathens who poop standing up don't count. Buncha' weirdos, I'm telling ya). It was fucking TRIPPY. I don't know why, but it was one of the oddest experiences of my life. Seriously, yall need to give it a try. Even you jerks who poop standing up.