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A Drunk Thread Service Announcement- 9/23/11

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Blue Dog, Sep 23, 2011.

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  1. Blue Dog

    Blue Dog
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    Absentee Mod

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    I just wanted to give yall a heads up in the event that any of you happen to find yourself in a similar situation:

    No matter how good of an idea it may seem at the time, or how funny you may find it yourself, it is NEVER a good idea to ask your wife (while she is laying in bed feeding your child) if she would like to smell what you are cooking for dinner at the moment, and when she's not paying attention, you instead hold up your months-old-sweat-soaked ipod armbard under her nose.

    MAN, I don't think I'm going to shit right for a week! And call me crazy, but I think that all of the tooth brushes in the house are beginning to be filled into sharp points, and I could have SWORN that I caught her looking at a black-market kidney sales website before she quickly closed the tab...

    So yeah, hopefully I'll see yall on Monday! But the last I can do until then is to make sure that she gets JACK SHIT for my liver! Wooooo liver-killing-paaaaarty woooo!
     
  2. bewildered

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    This was one of THOSE weeks. To cheer everyone (else) up:

    [​IMG]


    WHY IS IT SO BIG??!? (that's what she said)
     
  3. Angel_1756

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    This weekend is going to kick some ass. I'm going to this on Sunday. If anyone needs me, I'll be the lushy singing UB40 while my winery buddies ply me with free booze.
     
  4. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Here's my PSA: Folger's coffee sucks donkey dick.
     
  5. PeaMan

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    Off work early and into to London to catch up with my friends and girlfriend. A night of drinking followed by an early morning to watch England play. I love the RWC and I've got to say I'm surprised I've not seen anything on here about it. The USA and Canada have been respectable and all...

    Big party on Saturday with a hot tub. Fished out my speedos and I'm good to go.

    [rnsfw][​IMG][/rnsfw]
     
  6. mya

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    Sooooooo tempted to call in sick to work today. All week I have been coming down with idontwannaworkitis. Calling out is the only known cure. But as a good little employee, I'll muddle through. Besides, anybody else notice that if you feel guilty for taking a mental health day you usually ending up getting real sick shortly after? And a pic for Friday for you guys (and gals)

    [​IMG]
     
  7. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
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    Last weekend I had two papers and a bunch of reading to do, so I didn't have much fun. This weekend, I have less work. If I don't have some sort of fun, I'm going to be really pissed
     
  8. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Which female user was it who used to have a demotivational poster of a girl with rainbow tights on? That picture reminds me of that avatar.
     
  9. mya

    mya
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    I can't remember her name, but I believe that she was a nurse in Australia. Yep, first thing I thought of. I tried to google the image and this one popped up. This ass is too perfect not to share

    [​IMG]
     
  10. hooker

    hooker
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    I'm going here tonight.

    [​IMG]
     
  11. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    [​IMG] ?
     
  12. shimmered

    shimmered
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    Want.


    I'm going to spend this weekend wishing I was at the ballpark.
    The boys play tomorrow morning, and I'm giving serious consideration to taking a flask due to the impending attendance of their father.
    After that...I'm not sure what's going on. Initially, we'd planned on riding 4wheelers, but that's not going to pan out.
    I kind of want to lay around and get drunk playing video games but...I don't think that's going to happen. Maybe I'll clean the apartment and demolish a bottle or two of wine. Whatever.
     
  13. Noland

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    I picked up sandwiches from the city's best po' boy place a few nights ago. It had been a while since I'd been in there and I was looking forward to it. It is one of the world's great shithole bars that happens to make the city's best roast beef. When I walked in the place was wall to wall eyebrow piercings, irony, and ridiculous facial hair.

    Fucking hispters ruin everything. They're like plague rats in skinny jeans.
     
  14. effinshenanigans

    effinshenanigans
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    I don't think there is any better place to people watch than a Walmart at 9:15 at night.

    The icing on the (human failure) cake was the couple standing in front of me at the register. Both were...brimming with drugs. Meth, crack--I'm not sure--but they were a sight to see.

    She was a gaunt little white chick, probably mid to late twenties and her hair was already thinning and falling out. When she turned around, her eyes were dark and sunk into her face, lips dried and cracked, with what looked like the onset of ebola breaking out. He was just a jittery fucking mess, wearing sunglasses that looked like he stole them from a pediatric dentist's office.

    While they waited, he was reading a cooking magazine and just kept saying, "Look at this, this is crap! Just wait. You just wait and see what I make. It'll blow their fucking socks off!" Apparently "Everyday" had contacted him directly and challenged him to a culinary duel. When he went to put the magazine back, he missed the rack and it fell on the floor. When he went to grab the magazine again, an earthquake occured, localized entirely beneath his feet, and he fell forward, head-butting a row of Caramellos and Snickers.

    He stayed there, face securely sniffing the gum shelf below for a couple seconds and then said, "Fucking candy. Like that's so good," before peeling himself off of the rack to pay for his box of Swiffer dusters.

    It took everything I had not to burst out laughing. The cashier gave me a look that said, "This is nothing, at least they didn't shit on the floor."

    As I was leaving, paper towels in hand, the two were standing at the passenger window of a car parked directly in front of the building. A few seconds later, I heard them both shouting, "That's all you've got for fifty? What the hell is that?" Not putting up with their attitudes, the car pulled away, and as it turned to leave the parking lot, they were heard yelling, "No, wait! Fifty is fine. FIFTY IS FINE!" The car left, and the guy spiked the dusters onto the pavement.

    As if that wasn't enough, on my way out of the parking lot there was another couple arguing. The girl was outside of the car yelling, "But it is your baby! I haven't been fucking anyone else but your stupid ass."

    There needs to be a reality show called "Walmart After Dark." They'd make a killing.
     
  15. Striding Man

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    The best part about fall is Octoberfest season in Chicago. The wife & I are kicking it off in style tonight! There's an amazing fest at a church down the street from us. The property that the church sits on is a full city block, so there's plenty of room inside, & outside. Bands, German & Polish beers, brats & kraut, perogi's and potato pancakes...it's heaven! Oktoberfest tonight, college ball tomorrow & Bears v. packers on sunday, all in all, a great weekend!

    Interesting side note: my grandparents got married at this same church in 1940...
     
  16. bebop007

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    Also,

    How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    You mean you don't know?!
     
  17. Nettdata

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    What a busy crazy week... with the high point being a drunken ranting phone call from an old friend's fiance, yelling at me because she just broke it off with him because she still has feelings for me.

    Based on his reaction, laughing wasn't the best response I could have had. Oh well... c'est la vie.

    Chater, you've met her... remember when we went to karaoke that time and you sang ABBA? She was the singer.

    Crazy.
     
  18. Binary

    Binary
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    I have about 10 different new beers sitting in the 'fridge waiting for me to try them.

    The Bills play the Patriots on Sunday.

    I have fuck-all to do this weekend.

    Life is good.
     
  19. CharlesJohnson

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    [​IMG]

    You want this. Chocolate, grains, caraway seed, tobacco, wheat, nuts all in one little brown ale. Cigar City is probably the best "new" brewery going. Somehow a Florida brewer did something right. Very right. They also have a winter stout made with chocolate and hot pepper. It's better than sex with Abe Vigoda.

    So one of my gal pals woke up to her friend knocking on her door this morning. Turns out the girl left her husband because she found him in bed... with another man. I made the suggestion for everyone to go get tested. Seemed logical to me, hrrmph. I think she's going to try to set me up with her eventually. Yeah I'm perfect to boost someone's ego. I should offer this as a pay service. No idea what the girl looks like though. This is the same pal that tried to hook me up with a loud, abrasive, pasty donkey with a 2-3 tooth gum ratio.
     
  20. Tuesday

    Tuesday
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    I don't care about the implications of an east coast earthquake, hurricane, black man in the office, etc.

    If the Bills beat the Pats, the world is surely ending. I mean, the situation is already precarious with them having the best record in football right now. Crazy times, crazy times
     
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