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A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by SaintBastard, Feb 18, 2010.

  1. SaintBastard

    SaintBastard
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    Something Awful recently did a thread on The Most Bachelor Thing You've Ever Done.

    Responses ranged...

    From the hilarious:
    "I once took a shit while eating a sandwich."
    "I've wiped my wet/dirty hands off on dogs before."
    "I pee off the balcony. I live in an apartment complex. There are two balconies directly below me and one four feet to my right."

    To the practical:
    "I used to 'bachelor iron' my work clothes when I was single -- toss a shirt or a pair of pants in the dryer with a damp washcloth for 15 minutes -- bam, no more wrinkles (sorta)."
    "Get a transparent condom, and put it over the alarm every time you want to smoke. My friend does this in his university dorm and it works every single time."

    The TiB can do better.

    Focus:What's the most bachelor/bachelorette thing you've ever done?

    Alt focus: What are the best tips/tricks you've learned about living the bachelor life?
     
  2. Crown Royal

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    Being a bachelor means having bikinis in your apartment just to get female guests into the hot tub.

    Being a bachelor means when you go camping you do four things: Drink, smoke weed, jump over the fire and sleep in your car because it's too dark to put up the tent.

    Being a bachelor means you have EXACTLY the kind of beer you should in the fridge.

    Wings for dinner at least twice a week.

    Bachelor? Good. Now you never have to remember to clear your computer browser.


    Personal best (worst):

    A pizza box tower that reached nine feet. We cleaned each box and stacked it perfectly, hot-glue gunned them together, and ran Christmas light around it. When we reached the ceiling, my roomate body-checked me from behind into it, and my face dented the sheet rock on the wall.

    We had a forty foot long balcony at our first apartment, and we each had a couch to sleep on out there at night during the summer because we had no air conditioning.

    Favourite game: Indoor Riccochet Death Frisbee
     
  3. Nettdata

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    I am a bachelor, and regularly:

    -- piss off my back porch multiple times per day. Mind you, this is my view off my deck, so it's that much more manly as I commune with nature, usually with hands on hips. In the morning, it's with a coffee in hand.




    -- I have my club-sized PA set up in my living room, and regularly jam on the guitar at 3am in nothing but my underwear. Or whenever else I want, in whatever other state of dress/undress I want.

    -- Use the "good towels" to wipe off my grease-stained hands after working on the race car, without fear of reprisal.

    -- Leave my float-tube and fishing gear set up and in the living room for when I have the urge to go fishing in my lake.

    -- Have 2 rooms dedicated to video games. The "good room" has 2 48" TV's set up and 2 race seats/controllers for head-to-head car racing action.


    Needless to say, my friends call my place the Fortress of Solitude, and regularly find excuses to come out and visit when they want to get away from the family for a day or two.
     

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  4. Pow

    Pow
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    Let's see here:

    Mattress on the floor for 8 months, no box springs
    Steal toilet paper from work/restaraunts so I don't have to buy any
    Steal forks for same reason
    The 'febreeze washing machine'
    Cooking 80% of meals out of an electric wok
    Remaining 20% in a george foreman
     
  5. numeric

    numeric
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    I have been using the same 2 gallon jug of laundry detergent for 19 months now.

    My roommates and I pulled a large rug out of a dumpster, and put it over the carpet in the living room so the good carpet wouldn't get dirty.

    At my old place, we once put a couch, a TV and an N64 on the porch; drank beer and played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart all day long.

    Mattress on the floor for 2 years. I use my sleeping bag as a blanket.
     
  6. Nettdata

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    You guys have a lot to learn.

    Living it up like a bachelor is NOT like living like a homeless bum or broke college student.

    Think Thomas Crown Affair.

    Want to be a good bachelor?

    -- learn how to fucking cook. Not just for the chicks, but for yourself. Eating KD out of the pot is not as cool as you think it is.

    -- keep a well-stocked wine fridge on hand

    -- keep your bathroom clean and have spare (new) toiletries for if/when you have company spend the night. REAL bachelors hire a team of Filipinos to come in and clean the whole house once a week.

    -- get some fucking plants, preferably ones that smell nice.

    -- have a nicely set up guest room that appeals to the opposite sex. That, combined with the previous points, will ensure that she will stay over, but not use the nicely appointed guest bedroom.


    Being a slob and "getting away with it" or justifying it because you're a bachelor is incredibly lame.
     
  7. effinshenanigans

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    From my college days...

    -My roommate and I would pile our garbage on our deck instead of walking down the three flights of stairs and across the parking lot to the dumpster. We'd let it go until there were probably 14 or so bags of garbage. Then, one would hurl them over the side to the ground 30 feet below while the other one retrieved them and tossed them in the dumpster.

    -We kept a bowl next to our stove to use as a grease container. After about 4 months of using it, it started to grow a seriously complex layer of mold on the top. Instead of throwing it out, I used it as an opportunity to test out the macro setting on my digital camera. Then we blew it up with fireworks on our deck. Our deck smelled like bacon for a while.

    Semi Practical:
    -We never cleaned our shower. When the plastic curtain turned red, we threw it out and bought another one.

    Practical:
    -I changed my sheets every 2 months or so. To keep them smelling ok, I used febreeze.

    -We had two 26" TVs side-by-side so that we could watch 2 things at a time without that stupid picture-in-picture. This was awesome for football.
     
  8. konatown

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    Thats not bachelor life, that is inmate life.
     
  9. Maltob14

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    I've used an iron to make a grilled cheese sandwich once. I felt like Bear Grylls.
     
  10. Rob4Broncos

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    Some of these responses are hilarious:

     
  11. ghettoastronaut

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    Since this thread seems to be of two minds:

    Classy bachelor: I have three bottles of fine whisky in my booze cabinet.

    College bachelor: And plenty of crap, too.

    Classy bachelor: I collect and display all the different bottles of beer I drink.

    College bachelor: I collect and display all the different bottles of beer I drink.

    Classy bachelor: I have a balcony and, in the summer, regularly cook and drink beer on it.

    College bachelor: I fill up my pasta pot with ice and beer and carry it outside.

    Classy bachelor: Whenever I make my own pizza, it's with the finest gourmet ingredients

    College bachelor: Just ignore those pizza boxes on the floor.

    One of my better inventions is my makeshift cooking apparati. I have neither the space, time, nor inclination to buy lots of kitchen goods. So, to steam things, I put a few shot glasses into my pasta pot, fill with an inch of water, and put the strainer over top of the glasses with food in it. I use the same concept to create baking trays from a casserole dish and my barbecue grill.

    As for the original list - I don't see why multitasking on the crapper is a particularly bachelor thing to do. Also, I iron and starch my own shirts, and polish my shoes. I do have some standards of class to uphold.
     
  12. toddus

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    I have a television in my bathroom that is hooked up wirelessly to my cable tv. There is no greater joy for a man then shitting and watching sports. Now that I am no longer a bachelor that room is my one escape back to what once was.

    I am positive more then one call centre worker at my bookies must have been confused to what the background noise was while I took a dump and placed a bet.
     
  13. VanillaGorilla

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    My hunting and fishing equipment is worth far more money than my car. Several times more. I'm looking for a new boat motor for my jon boat and the motor alone will be worth more than my car. The girlfriend can't understand why I want to go so fast.

    That being said, want to know the biggest difference between a married man and a single man? A single man can keep a fucking appointment. Plan a fishing trip two months from now and I'll be there unless something really unfortunate came up, like a dead family member. I don't have to clear it with the family. I don't have to hit the panic button because my baby burped wrong the night before. I don't have to sit down and work on my wife's green card (this was an actual excuse). I don't have a wife bitching about going somewhere. I simply make a commitment and I keep it. This seems relatively simple, but it seems to be fucking impossible with married guys.
     
  14. Nettdata

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    On the race team, we'll quite often fire up the Oxy torch to heat food when we're working on the cars. Way more convenient than a microwave.

    It's also the #1 reason why our coffee mugs are metal... makes re-heating much easier.
     
  15. kuhjäger

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    For a while in Germany my dinner preparation consisted of opening a can of soup, and leaving said can of soup on the top of an electric burner for 15 minutes until it was hot. Then, I would eat it out of the can. Good times.
     
  16. Muney

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    If I'm at home drinking, and nobody else is there (yes I drink alone, dont judge), when I go to take a piss, and happen to piss on the seat, I wont clean it up right away. My thinking is why clean it up now when the next time I piss, i'm going to do the same thing. And its not like I piss everywhere on the seat, just the drips.

    I know this is very gross, but in my drunken mind it makes sence. When i'm sober, this doesnt happen. I lift the seat when sober.

    EDIT: I do clean it up every 2nd or 3rd time. I knew this was gross, but I just realized how gross it actually is.
     
  17. Bourbondownthehouse

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    I have a huge walk in closet, its roughly 7x8. In this closet I have only one wall of clothes leaving ample space for:
    My dresser
    A gun safe
    A twin "guest mattress"
    All of my travel gear (suitcases, airplane friendly gun cases)
    Ironing board (can be unfolded in closet)
    An entire shelf dedicated to motorcycle gear and a small tool kit for working on the bike
    My microwave is on top of my dresser due to lack of counter space in my tiny kitchen

    While I am not quite as awesome as Toddus, I do shit with the bathroom door open so I don't miss a second of the morning news as I sip my coffee on the shitter.
     
  18. BL1Y

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    Focus: I flew to South America with a girl I met in a club in the Meat Packing District. During law school I had a swamp cooler (bucket of ice + fan) and blacked out my windows because I couldn't afford an air conditioner.

    Anti-Focus: Whenever I get fast food I always stock up on napkins and plastic wear. Napkins so I don't even need to buy any, and plastic wear so I can do dishes less often. Also, Papa John's will bring paper plates for you if you ask.
     
  19. Currer Bell

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    After college when I got my own place, I spent a lot of time naked in my apartment. Watch TV naked, vacuum naked, cook naked. I eventually got bored with it, but it was my way of celebrating not having to deal with parents or roommates.
     
  20. Parker

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    Wow, I'm definitely on the classy side of the bachelor thing.

    -Wine rack, and two glasses are always out, and I only drink said wine when women are over.
    -Nintendo Wii visibly displayed because as you know, women love the Wii (Wii + Wine = Sex)
    -Additional shower loofa (red or white only) and red/white towel that I never keep out.
    -Full dish set, for when you cook dinner for company. But only used for company. 1 plate, bowl and pint glass for the bachelor that he always uses.

    My entertainment center does (TV, Speakers, PS3, Wii and TV Stand) cost more than everything else in my house: Bed (linens, pillows, bed frame everything), Couch, Computer Desk + Chair, Bathroom supplies, kitchen wear, and everything else.