Adult Content Warning

This community may contain adult content that is not suitable for minors. By closing this dialog box or continuing to navigate this site, you certify that you are 18 years of age and consent to view adult content.

8/14/15 WDT NSFW

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by shegirl, Aug 14, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. shegirl

    shegirl
    Expand Collapse
    Redemption Seeking Whore

    Reputation:
    465
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    5,456
    Location:
    Hell
    I was up too late. I am tired and bitchy. More so than normal.

    Mod Note: Do not eat a big bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats for dinner if your system is not used to the literal blast of fiber it packs. Wow. That made for a very fast drive to the office.

    I parked crooked in the wrong spot and ran in. I didn't even stop at Starbucks for my Valencia Orange Refresher. It was that close.

    FOCUS: In honor of the above what's the worst thing that's happened to you (or that you've been present for (I guess. Ew.)) when you've GOT TO USE THE SHITTER NOW??!!!
     
  2. xrayvision

    xrayvision
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    509
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    6,323
    Location:
    Hyewston
    This happened to me just yesterday. I was at a dental office ready to begin their inspection, and I got hit with it so hard and fast, I didn't even know what to do.

    I blew out their poor bathroom so badly I didn't even want to show my face. Lucky for me, I have the power of the state of Texas on my side.
     
  3. Clutch

    Clutch
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    542
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,783
  4. bewildered

    bewildered
    Expand Collapse
    Deeply satisfied pooper

    Reputation:
    1,199
    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    10,949
    My first official day at the new job was last Monday. 5 minutes after I walked in, my bowels started knotting up in an effort to sling shot shit out of any one of my holes, really. I get into the (women's only) bathroom that is attached to the break room and proceed to turn on the vent fan. That is the noisiest fan I have ever used in my life. I am pretty sure the tenants downstairs could hear the fan. So, now everyone knows that I am shitting.

    I finish, wash my hands, and spray a whole lotta Fabreeze. Later on my boss asks me if I am wearing perfume because I smell sweet. Nah man, that's just Fabreeze, because I just blew your bathroom up.
     
  5. katokoch

    katokoch
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    477
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,631
    Location:
    Minneapolis
    I am never, ever doing heroin. But I am going to have some beers before going to the Vikings preseason game on Saturday!
     
  6. dewercs

    dewercs
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    170
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,262
    Location:
    phoenix, arizona
    I used to bartend at private parties and weddings, people would hire us to come to their houses set up a bar and get them drunk most of the time they would show us where everything was including bathrooms we could use and if not we would scout it out. Usually I would dehydrate myself a little bit and not eat much before an event so I could stay behind the bar for 4-6 hours and not have to use the bathroom but one mid spring evening as the groom was sabering a bottle of shitty champagne into his parents pool I got a 2 minute warning from my stomach that something was going to happened followed quickly by a fever and the sweats. A quick look in the house revealed it was full of 50-60 people milling around right where my prescouted bathroom was so there was no way I was going to run past them and blow it up. I always brought extra trash bags with me so I told the girl I was working with I was going to empty the trash and grabbed the can and an extra bag and made a quick move to the side of the house, threw the trash in the garbage put in a new bag and filled it with everything I had in my bowels, hiding on the side of a house behind a trash can. You have to tie the bag up quick or them smell is pretty bad. I have only had to use that trick a few times after the first time you do it you get your technique down so it gets easier.
     
  7. Angel_1756

    Angel_1756
    Expand Collapse
    The Big Four-Oh

    Reputation:
    380
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    3,909
    Location:
    The T-dot O-dot one-of-a-kind
    Speaking of shit, here's another reboot intended to give Will Smith a chance to shove (I'm sure) his son's abysmal acting skills down our throat. Fuck off already with reboots of shows that started and ended in my lifetime. A fucking Prison Break reboot? Get bent.
     
  8. happyfunball

    happyfunball
    Expand Collapse
    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

    Reputation:
    46
    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2009
    Messages:
    2,113
    I'd share a shit story (no I wouldn't), but I'm still recovering from missing National Left Handers Day. Why am I always the last to know this stuff?
     
  9. Tim

    Tim
    Expand Collapse
    Disturbed

    Reputation:
    56
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    310
    I'm pretty sure that's an accurate depiction of the Brazilian Olympic water sports next year.
     
  10. Nettdata

    Nettdata
    Expand Collapse
    Mr. Toast

    Reputation:
    2,863
    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2006
    Messages:
    25,731
    They should set up a CDC, post-event competition to see which country can diagnose and treat the resulting canceraids.
     
  11. shegirl

    shegirl
    Expand Collapse
    Redemption Seeking Whore

    Reputation:
    465
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    5,456
    Location:
    Hell
    This situation has now been rectified. If you haven't tried one you should. They are all kinds of awesome.

    Upswing to my day, it's dead here which translates into me leaving early.
     
  12. dewercs

    dewercs
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    170
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,262
    Location:
    phoenix, arizona
    I would consider drinking one of those if I had some vodka to put in it, or some moonshine I recently acquired from Bosnia
     
  13. shegirl

    shegirl
    Expand Collapse
    Redemption Seeking Whore

    Reputation:
    465
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    5,456
    Location:
    Hell
    Some Vodka would be awesome.
     
  14. Nettdata

    Nettdata
    Expand Collapse
    Mr. Toast

    Reputation:
    2,863
    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2006
    Messages:
    25,731
    "some"

    Ha.
     
  15. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
    Expand Collapse
    Just call me Topher

    Reputation:
    950
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2009
    Messages:
    22,718
    Location:
    London, Ontario
    I don't ever recall having one, maybe two vodkas. I sort of recall always having a lot of them.
     
  16. dewercs

    dewercs
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    170
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,262
    Location:
    phoenix, arizona
    I went to lunch today with 3 guys that work for ICE one of them is a client of my wife and myself who has turned into a friend because of our obsession with all things firearms so they have a reasonable amount of street credibility to begin with, except for the fact that they like to eat at a place called the Good Egg at noon on a Friday but who am I to judge. In the course of conversation my buddy says he once saw Lionel Richie in concert, I asked if that was an artist his wife really enjoyed and he responded that no, his wife did not like Lionel Richie he went with a buddy from college. I immediately halted the conversation.

    Is it appropriate to take your buddy to a Lionel Richie concert? I vote no.
     
  17. TX.

    TX.
    Expand Collapse
    The Mad Pooper

    Reputation:
    421
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,724
    Location:
    With Waylon, Willie and the boys
    I love poop stories. I'm secretly 12 years old and think they're great. My worst Gotta Poop time was in the middle of a group run. It became apparent that I needed to shit IMMEDIATELY. I started clenching my asshole and half trotting/half jogging to minimize the jostling of my bowels. Every time I took a step I feared a stream of watery poop waterfalling down my legs. We were a good 5 miles away from our cars, so I started looking for places. Someone told me about a CVS about 3/4 of a mile away, so I took off for that. Everyone was all, "Oh, hey want me to go with you? We don't mind!" Hell no. When I got to the CVS it was closed, but there was a gas station another 100 yards away. There was probably a solid 50 ft where I was farting with every step, praying that I wasn't sharting. When I finally got there I destroyed their bathroom, completely emptying my bowels. It was glorious and shameful all at the same time.
     
  18. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    70
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    4,917
    This discussion of "I gotta poop now" reminds me of my ill-fated trip to Morocco and what I swear was the longest train ride of my life from Fez to Marrakech. Well I mean it actually lasted something like 10 hours but it felt more like a week.

    However, adversity builds strength. Because when you're in a third world disaster zone and you don't have access to toilet facilities yet and you are told "Just hold it for now", you know that it could be so much worse.
     
  19. GTE

    GTE
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    538
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    2,742
    Eh, I guess you don't need your eyesight to go fishing.
     
  20. wilder111

    wilder111
    Expand Collapse
    Disturbed

    Reputation:
    27
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    255
    Location:
    quad shities
    The year i lived in china we were told, "love the toilet in your apartment, it might be the only western one you get to use all day long". it was amazing how comforting it was being able to judgement-free massacre a toilet from whatever sketch food you ate. I wish i could point to one incident as the worst, but i can't. Every meal was a gamble. Questionable street meat+shitty chinese beer+half a pack a day=??? there were days I could tell 2 bites into a meal, that it was gonna be digestive drano, and would find the nearest McDonalds, and use the shitter there. Having diarrhea for 3-5 days became so common I stopped worrying after 3 months.
    I did however, shit myself at the 2nd lowest spot on earth, in july, when it was 115 degrees out at 10 am. Thought it was a fart, came up snake-eyes.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.