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8/14/15 WDT NSFW

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by shegirl, Aug 14, 2015.

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  1. shegirl

    shegirl
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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    I was up too late. I am tired and bitchy. More so than normal.

    Mod Note: Do not eat a big bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats for dinner if your system is not used to the literal blast of fiber it packs. Wow. That made for a very fast drive to the office.

    I parked crooked in the wrong spot and ran in. I didn't even stop at Starbucks for my Valencia Orange Refresher. It was that close.

    FOCUS: In honor of the above what's the worst thing that's happened to you (or that you've been present for (I guess. Ew.)) when you've GOT TO USE THE SHITTER NOW??!!!
     
  2. xrayvision

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    Emotionally Jaded

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    This happened to me just yesterday. I was at a dental office ready to begin their inspection, and I got hit with it so hard and fast, I didn't even know what to do.

    I blew out their poor bathroom so badly I didn't even want to show my face. Lucky for me, I have the power of the state of Texas on my side.
     
  3. Clutch

    Clutch
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  4. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Deeply satisfied pooper

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    My first official day at the new job was last Monday. 5 minutes after I walked in, my bowels started knotting up in an effort to sling shot shit out of any one of my holes, really. I get into the (women's only) bathroom that is attached to the break room and proceed to turn on the vent fan. That is the noisiest fan I have ever used in my life. I am pretty sure the tenants downstairs could hear the fan. So, now everyone knows that I am shitting.

    I finish, wash my hands, and spray a whole lotta Fabreeze. Later on my boss asks me if I am wearing perfume because I smell sweet. Nah man, that's just Fabreeze, because I just blew your bathroom up.
     
  5. katokoch

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    I am never, ever doing heroin. But I am going to have some beers before going to the Vikings preseason game on Saturday!
     
  6. dewercs

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    I used to bartend at private parties and weddings, people would hire us to come to their houses set up a bar and get them drunk most of the time they would show us where everything was including bathrooms we could use and if not we would scout it out. Usually I would dehydrate myself a little bit and not eat much before an event so I could stay behind the bar for 4-6 hours and not have to use the bathroom but one mid spring evening as the groom was sabering a bottle of shitty champagne into his parents pool I got a 2 minute warning from my stomach that something was going to happened followed quickly by a fever and the sweats. A quick look in the house revealed it was full of 50-60 people milling around right where my prescouted bathroom was so there was no way I was going to run past them and blow it up. I always brought extra trash bags with me so I told the girl I was working with I was going to empty the trash and grabbed the can and an extra bag and made a quick move to the side of the house, threw the trash in the garbage put in a new bag and filled it with everything I had in my bowels, hiding on the side of a house behind a trash can. You have to tie the bag up quick or them smell is pretty bad. I have only had to use that trick a few times after the first time you do it you get your technique down so it gets easier.
     
  7. Angel_1756

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    The Big Four-Oh

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    Speaking of shit, here's another reboot intended to give Will Smith a chance to shove (I'm sure) his son's abysmal acting skills down our throat. Fuck off already with reboots of shows that started and ended in my lifetime. A fucking Prison Break reboot? Get bent.
     
  8. happyfunball

    happyfunball
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    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

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    I'd share a shit story (no I wouldn't), but I'm still recovering from missing National Left Handers Day. Why am I always the last to know this stuff?
     
  9. Tim

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    Disturbed

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    I'm pretty sure that's an accurate depiction of the Brazilian Olympic water sports next year.
     
  10. Nettdata

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    Mr. Toast

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    They should set up a CDC, post-event competition to see which country can diagnose and treat the resulting canceraids.
     
  11. shegirl

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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    This situation has now been rectified. If you haven't tried one you should. They are all kinds of awesome.

    Upswing to my day, it's dead here which translates into me leaving early.
     
  12. dewercs

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    I would consider drinking one of those if I had some vodka to put in it, or some moonshine I recently acquired from Bosnia
     
  13. shegirl

    shegirl
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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    Some Vodka would be awesome.
     
  14. Nettdata

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    Mr. Toast

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    "some"

    Ha.
     
  15. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    I don't ever recall having one, maybe two vodkas. I sort of recall always having a lot of them.
     
  16. dewercs

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    I went to lunch today with 3 guys that work for ICE one of them is a client of my wife and myself who has turned into a friend because of our obsession with all things firearms so they have a reasonable amount of street credibility to begin with, except for the fact that they like to eat at a place called the Good Egg at noon on a Friday but who am I to judge. In the course of conversation my buddy says he once saw Lionel Richie in concert, I asked if that was an artist his wife really enjoyed and he responded that no, his wife did not like Lionel Richie he went with a buddy from college. I immediately halted the conversation.

    Is it appropriate to take your buddy to a Lionel Richie concert? I vote no.
     
  17. TX.

    TX.
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    The Mad Pooper

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    I love poop stories. I'm secretly 12 years old and think they're great. My worst Gotta Poop time was in the middle of a group run. It became apparent that I needed to shit IMMEDIATELY. I started clenching my asshole and half trotting/half jogging to minimize the jostling of my bowels. Every time I took a step I feared a stream of watery poop waterfalling down my legs. We were a good 5 miles away from our cars, so I started looking for places. Someone told me about a CVS about 3/4 of a mile away, so I took off for that. Everyone was all, "Oh, hey want me to go with you? We don't mind!" Hell no. When I got to the CVS it was closed, but there was a gas station another 100 yards away. There was probably a solid 50 ft where I was farting with every step, praying that I wasn't sharting. When I finally got there I destroyed their bathroom, completely emptying my bowels. It was glorious and shameful all at the same time.
     
  18. ghettoastronaut

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    This discussion of "I gotta poop now" reminds me of my ill-fated trip to Morocco and what I swear was the longest train ride of my life from Fez to Marrakech. Well I mean it actually lasted something like 10 hours but it felt more like a week.

    However, adversity builds strength. Because when you're in a third world disaster zone and you don't have access to toilet facilities yet and you are told "Just hold it for now", you know that it could be so much worse.
     
  19. GTE

    GTE
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    Eh, I guess you don't need your eyesight to go fishing.
     
  20. wilder111

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    Disturbed

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    The year i lived in china we were told, "love the toilet in your apartment, it might be the only western one you get to use all day long". it was amazing how comforting it was being able to judgement-free massacre a toilet from whatever sketch food you ate. I wish i could point to one incident as the worst, but i can't. Every meal was a gamble. Questionable street meat+shitty chinese beer+half a pack a day=??? there were days I could tell 2 bites into a meal, that it was gonna be digestive drano, and would find the nearest McDonalds, and use the shitter there. Having diarrhea for 3-5 days became so common I stopped worrying after 3 months.
    I did however, shit myself at the 2nd lowest spot on earth, in july, when it was 115 degrees out at 10 am. Thought it was a fart, came up snake-eyes.
     
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