HAHAHAHA! It IS some asshole in an Eagles jersey! Oh, God, I'm fucking dying. Everyone in that town is fucking terrible. It really was some cunt breaking it for no good reason.
You all should be glad that robot started out in New England. If they tried to walk it across the South it would have lasted two blocks before some yokel shot it or some religious nutjob set it on fire. Who builds a hitchhiking robot anyway? Sure, it's kind of cool, but someone apparently had the thought that Americans were good enough people that no one would fuck with that thing across three thousand miles?
I'm certain it was a mercy killing. A cop stopped the robot somewhere in Massachusetts and asked for ID. The robot screamed "AM I BEING DETAINED? I'M A SOVEREIGN CITIZEN." The cop then thought the robot sounded black so he beat it with his nightstick. When it came to, the robot was in a cell but was released because of police brutality. It hitched a ride with some trucker down through New York and had to give the guy head a few times. The trucker jizzed all over the robots chest and made it short circuit a little bit. The Robot stopped in Brooklyn hoping that the startups there had someone with robotics knowledge to kindly perform the necessary repairs. Not only did the robot not get the repairs, it was adorned with a big scarf, black rimmed glasses, and a copy of Christopher Hitchens' memoirs taped to its back. Sullen and depressed, the robot made its way to Philadelphia hoping to find a friendly face. It found a dude in an Eagles jersey who beat it with his fist 'just because.' ~Fin~
I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that hitchBOT was created by Canadians, which explains why there was so much polite hope built into its existence and purpose. If Americans had built it, it would've just chugged beer and shit cheez whiz.
False. They need us alive so they can syphon off all our body energy to fuel the robots. The horrible, horrible robots. Trashing the Hitchbot is just so plain... typical. A dime-a-dozen angry drunk loser probably pissed at that bitch at the bar for shooting down his smooth pick-up lines for a guy in a nicer Eagles jersey. It was a throwback. Fuck him and fuck her. I'm going to break some shit even though I'm a grown adult living in a free society. Oh look, a stupid-looking robot. Fuck you, science!
Yeah, maybe it was a senseless crime. Or maybe that robot had been hitchiking all over the world for the past year and had seen some shit. Maybe in its travels it made a couple friends, maybe they helped Hitchbot out a little bit here and there... no big deal, right? But then maybe they weren't so friendly when they said it was time Hitchbot did something for THEM. Something no robot should ever have to do. Maybe Hitchbot refused... I've seen it a million times, that's all I'm saying.
Its been less than 2 years since he had a notable single. He has a new album coming out. Otherwise he's probably just swimming in money like Scrooge McDuck, his resume is insane. The royalty checks that man gets from just waking up in the morning would make 99% of the industry blush.
Well, in addition to getting laid off of Tinder, a very attractive, smart and funny human female (different from the one who let me put my penis inside her) I met from Tinder made me perogies. Everything's coming up Millhouse all of a sudden.