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2017 Holiday Drunk Thread NSFW

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Juice, Dec 1, 2017.

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  1. Clutch

    Clutch
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    I've decided to compromise with a lot of working from home, by which I mean working in sweatpants and slightly drunk. I'm still adjusting to working for a company that I actually like. If this had happened at my last job, I would've just put my time into ADP and turned my phone off.
     
  2. Misanthropic

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    I'm meeting an old friend for dinner at a local pub. Big ass steaks, sliced potatoes and oversized mugs of beer. I'm pregaming at the bar next to the pub (I love this town). The cougars are thick on the ground. You know they're already a few drinks in if they're eyeing me up.
     
  3. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    I've got 15 vacation days, 3 sick days, and 5 "Personal" days I'm going to lose when the calendar rolls over. I would've dug all these paid days off when I was younger and thought nothing about drinking heavily on work nights. Now I'm old and just don't care.
     
  4. Clutch

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    On my first grown-up job, our server admin was grandfathered in from a time when a moron had written the Paid-Time-Off policy. The gist of it added up to him being on vacation for the entirety of the months of November and December. He would still come in, but as soon as someone pissed him off, he would drop everything and go home until he felt like coming back into work.
     
  5. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Speaking of work....our company Christmas party was last night. An upper management guy got into a screaming match with his wife, another guy decided it was a good time to come out as gay, and one of my co-worker's tits fell out of her dress. She's also an aerobics instructor. And like 63.

    Glad I missed it.

    Sadly, I will have to attend my department's Christmas party. Then again....I've got a lot of sick time....*Sniffle, sniffle* A- A-A- Achoo. I'm feeling a bit under the weather...
     
  6. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
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    ER Frequent Flyer Platinum Member

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    Hogs act dumber than hell when the weather changes. I got three of them today.

    Dropped the momma and the babies stood there like they didn’t know that bang means run.
     
  7. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Having raised hogs, that's kind of ass backwards from their natural behavior. Piglets run from anything and everything, even when the full grown pigs are fine with noises and people. The funny thing is when you get 60 or so piglets together they run away like they have a hive mind....like a school of fish darting and dashing in the same direction like a unit. It's quite fascinating to watch.
     
  8. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    I love pigs. They seem to have an intelligence closer to dolphins rather than livestock or a house pet, and Swearengen can back my claim that those things will eat up ANYTHING, especially the bodies of any territorial cocksuckers who come calling.

    I was shocked by how truly loud a pig can be, when it wants to. It’s like the first time you hear a cat stretch it’s lungs at night, it sounds ten times louder than expected. My friend grabbed one and it let out that 747 engine crossed-with-a rusty gate shriek it honestly hurt my ears. They should try out for the X-Men.
     
  9. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    My pigs were smart as hell. I probably could've taught them circus tricks if I was ambitious. As it was I was happy with them learning I was the nice man who would bring them food and I'd hit them with a big stick if they got out of line. All bets were off if it was feeding time though. One of those fuckers decided to go after the slop bucket when I was feeding them once and no amount of yelling and stick smacking would bring them to heel. Those fuckers completely destroyed the steel slop bucket. It was like sharks in a feeding frenzy.

    Most of the time they were completely docile though, they'd just follow me around the pig pen like faithful dogs grunting like...well...pigs.
     
  10. Rush-O-Matic

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    I'll take "What are things RotN should stay away from" for a thousand, Alex.
     
  11. Revengeofthenerds

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    Already sliced my thumb with two of them so far in the past week so you are correct.

    But at least I have damn good kitchen knives.
     
  12. $100T2

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    Episode 1 of the new season of The Grand Tour came out today in case any of you are fans of the show and didn't know.
     
  13. Revengeofthenerds

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    When you realize your bottle of lighter fluid has hail damage and your solution is....oh shit....
     
  14. Nettdata

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    Mr. Toast

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    Watched it and was thoroughly entertained.
     
  15. Revengeofthenerds

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    Walker Hayes wants to write with me. Sounds like my crazy ass is going to Nashville at some point.

    Fucking pinch me.

    *edit* in the massively rare event this turns into anything, proceeds would go to helping the underprivileged afford preschool for their children. Same deal as when I was on my death bed.
     
    #175 Revengeofthenerds, Dec 9, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2017
  16. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    You’re solution is what, Wile E Coyote? Set your head on fire and slam it off the grill until you get an even flame? Of course, the concussion will cause you to stumble backwards into that open hole filled with dungtrap spikes and deathstalker scorpions.
     
  17. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    Let me guess...

    He was riding a pig through your yard and you stepped out on the porch with a 12 gauge,

    "Halt motherfucker.Who goes there?"

    "Don't shoot! I'm Walker Hayes. On a pig."

    And the rest is history.
     
  18. Revengeofthenerds

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    Not so much.

    In another life I appreciate art and I get royalties from the songs I sell. If you listen to country music, chances are good you’ve heard something I’ve been a part of.

    My issue now is going from songwriter to singer. I’ll make my way... eventually... but for now I’ll be happy helping great artists do great things.
     
  19. toytoy88

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    Alone in the dark, drooling on himself

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    One of my exes is all into crystals, Reiki, and other assorted bullshit. She suggested I wear certain crystals because crystals.

    I'm an idiot, so I took her advice because what's the worst that could happen?

    Nothing happened. If you don't count me looking like a superstitious moron wearing crystals around my neck.

    Now I remember why she's an ex.
     
  20. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    Please tell me her name is Crystal.
     
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