Dear Parker, I'm sorry you thought you were going to come out of this game feeling good about your chances against me. D THOMAS HAD OTHER PLANS SUCKAAAAAA
[Automated Message] Parker isn't here right now. He's in surgery having Demaryius' dick removed out of his ass. It became lodged in his lower intestine and caused internal bleeding. Please leave a message and he'll get back to you once he has recovered. He also wants to let you know that he has Waiver 1 priority and went to pick up that TE. *BEEP*
If we didn't have to spend the entire draft listening to how great you thought your draft strategy was I'd probably be a little more sportsmanly, but... Calvin Johnson scored 5 points and I still beat you handily, WOO
I didn't even brag that much this year. And I was my own worst enemy, I was hoping people blew their money a little more on the front end so I could get some guys at the end who just slipped a little too far. Also, I should NOT have picked up MJD. Why the fuck did I do that when the other teams can literally put 11 in the box because Blaine Gabbert couldn't throw to his brother in his backyard at this point.
Not to rain on your parade, but anyone would've beat Parker this week. Yup, Parker is the sacko for the week.
We played hard but ultimately, in the end, effort doesn't stand for shit. Results are all that matter in this league and we failed this week. Plenty of blame to go around but we'll handle that "in house". Right now I just want to channel Chick McGhee and say sometimes things don't fall your way. Want to know why? Because God hates a loser, that's why. Mr coopers dance troupe must have an in with the big guy or we've got a lot of bad karma to burn off. .30. Fuck me. Good win. Excuse me while I go prepare for the buzzsaw that is Peyton Manning.
Actually you should be thanking me for that. I adjusted FG points because it was set at 3's except for 50+ at 5. I expect to you to look the other way and let me trade rape you for a player.
Vereen is out for a minimum of 4 weeks, Foster is sucking dick worse than 'Sacks ex-wife and ultimately I am reminded that I suck at fantasy football.
Ay, can we have the waiver pickups happen on Wednesday morning instead of Thursday? Seems like an awfully long time to wait, especially with there being a game on Thursday.
I tried to find the settings to adjust the waiver wire dates, but I only found one that adjusted the waiver clearance to one day instead of two. I placed a waiver on Sunday that still hasn't cleared, so it may be something with NFL.com as a whole as opposed to a setting I can change. We'll see next week if anything is different from the one setting I changed.
Can you also uncheck the box that says "Fuck Parker in the Ass?" because I know these haters asked to have that box checked.
For the record, when I won two years ago, I started at the bottom. Just saying. I was near the top all last year and lost. I'm comfortable where I am. I'm coming for you fuckers.