11 Lives

I liked this comic a lot from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2722#comic" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db ... 2722#comic</a>

In it, he describes how the time it takes to master something means you have the opportunity to master about 11 things over the course of your life. Read the comic, it is worth it.

Focus: You can choose any talent, skill, subject, or whatever you want. Whatever it is, you will become a master at it. What are your 11? Provide brief descriptions. Don't just say "Play the guitar." Play what guitar? Like whom? Why? How will you use this skill?

 

Reminds me of Groundhog Day. Bill Murray is stuck in a time loop long enough to learn languages, master concert, piano, and learn how to love. He is apparently stuck in the loop around 10,000 years. As sick as it sounds, I might want that kind of opportunity. Just so long as I'm not stuck in fucking Beaverpoon, Pennsylvania in February for it. Imagine what you'd get done. The books you could read. All the masturbating you'd get done without feeling guilty for blowing a half hour.

These are mostly the interests I already have and already practice. Looking at them, holy crap, I am destined to be poor forever.

Guitar. I already play, really decently, but there are whole other components. Music theory, classical, two handed fretboard playing, percussion with one hand while playing with the other. Really intense stuff. The latter two might be beyond my ability. Why do it? Because it's f'n cool. I find the guitar the most noble of all instruments. It was the first one I stuck with, my first real lifestyle change/improvement. Opened up an entire world for me.

Languages. Self explanatory. Mi Espanol es muy mal. Need to learn the romantic tongues.

Religious Studies. If my college offered it, I'd probably have a second BA in it. I already have read quite a bit on Christianity, but to expand that to every religion would be killer. That's something I'd enjoy teaching, researching, writing academically upon. Honestly, there's nothing stopping me except time to read everything else I want to read.

Charcuterie. Meat magic. Sausages, curing, smoking, terrines, pates, potted meat. All that old fashioned good stuff. Sausage Wizard... teach me. This is basically hinged upon me getting enough equipment.

Beer Brewing. I make an alright homebrew. I want to study with the best. Every style. Every nuance. Every terroire. Because the interplay between land and product is not just for wine. I want to make a niche beer. A low output old ale that can be cellared and improved with age. Think Fuller's Vintage and Thomas Hardy Ale. Bottled in wine bottles, cap dipped in wax. Whole deal.

Distillation. Who doesn't want to make good hootch? Then get paid for it. I'd kill to get an internship with one of the bourbon guys up in Kentucky. You know, and forgo the manual labor aspect. This fuck has no desire to roll around 200 pound casks of whiskey all day. Go ahead, break one. As fun as it is to roll around in it, that's someone's salary.

Writing. Efficiency in academic writings? That'd be useful. Otherwise, even the greats can't produce a work without languishing over it.

BBQ. Alls I need is a real barrel smoker. I can do serious damage with a braising pan and a shit-fuck electric smoker that burns way too hot. Let's do it right. And yes, this is an art form.

Bicycle. I am 31. I do not know how to ride a bike. Commence ridicule.

Business Owner. That's a skill. Sure. I want to do it right (bar, brewery seems to be my fit). Make money, fuck bitches. I'd rather fail being my own boss anyway. I know why my father took his show solo, sometimes making zip for the year. 100% understand it. Each new boss is meaner and dumber than the last.

Reading. This may be a fantasy. Learn speed reading techniques. Something. I need to up from one book a week to two.

 

11 is going to require more thought, but off the top of my head:

1. A martial art, including bo staff, samurai sword, and escrima. I studied Shaolin kempo when we lived in NH and was about half way to my black belt when we moved to Texas. All I could find down here was tae kwon do and BJJ--too much legwork for this body. I loved it and really loved training with the bo staff. All of it was good exercise for the body and the mind, and a great stress reliever. I wanted to take lesson when I was a kid, but my father had other ideas for teaching me hand-to-hand combat.

2. Play the piano. Another childhood dream. We couldn't afford the lessons, let alone a piano, so my parents put me in a drum & bugle corps instead, where I was saddled with a bass drum for the first few years. I'm jealous when I see someone walk into a room where there's a piano and they can just sit down and play a wonderful melody with the ease and simplicity of sending a text message.

3. Fluency in foreign languages including Spanish, German, French and Chinese. To travel and converse with the locals in their own language would significantly heighten the experience.

4. Mechanical and electrical engineering. Knowing how and why stuff works? Yeah, that could come in handy.

5. Ethnobotany & herbal medicine. Seriously, how many shamans are in your social circle?

6. Sailing and celestial navigation. I did some sailing when we lived in New England as one of my friends owned a 32' Pearson. I read Chapman's Piloting, and started to get an understanding of sailing and thought that navigating by the stars would be very, very cool. One of my brothers-in-law was in the last class at the Naval Academy when celestial navigation was a required course. He said it was the one class most midshipmen found the hardest.

I have to give it more thought to come up with 5 more.

 

11 is a lot, but fuck it, here goes:

1) Writing. Aside from the fact that you can make an excellent living as a writer, I just think this is an underrated ability in most aspects of professional life. even if I wasn't an author, if I was a psychologist writing papers, or an economist writing papers, or even just a teacher or someone else that occasionally has to write anything, it can be exceptionally useful.

2) Negotiating. This seems like a minor skill, but the ability to negotiate strongly would be nothing but a positive influence on one's life in almost all areas.

3) Martial Arts/MMA. Not that I'd be a fighter, but it'd be good to know I could handle myself. In addition, it virtually guarantees I'd be in shape.

4) Firearms. Again, not that I'd use it, but the ability to handle guns and handle myself would be good to have. This is more for peace of mind than anything. I'm not even a gun person, but again, just to have that knowledge that if I had to, I could use it.

5) Psychology/Psychiatry. My degree is in Psychology, and I just find it incredibly fascinating. Knowing how people tend to think can also be helpful in other skills on this list (i.e. writing, negotiating).

6) Guitar and/or Piano. Really, I feel like this ability would be wasted if there wasn't some musical aspect to it. I can't sing for shit anyway, so Guitar or Piano both stand out. Most of the above abilities would be useful in any career. I'd play music just for fun, and to get women, because women love that shit.

7) Economics. This is such an incredibly deep subject, but it is also incredibly important. It would be useful in terms of personal finance, or if I wanted to start a business.

8) Spanish. Most prolific language in the world, and the ability to speak Spanish would be useful almost anywhere in North America.

9) Japanese. Do you know how many Japanese video games I'd play if I could speak and read the language fluently? There are a lot of games that don't get released here. This is a nerd pick, all the way.

10) Video games, because fuck it, everything else has reasoned thoughts behind it, this would just be purely because I enjoy it

11) Baseball, because why not be a professional athlete, and why not do it in a sport where you can make the most money and have the longest average career? Baseball players make the best salaries, and they can play until their almost 40, sometimes later, whereas most other sport athletes are washed up in their early thirties.

It was tough to come up with 11, as the last two were tough to think of. I'm sure with more time, I could come up with some others.

 

1) Mechanical theory and engineering. The ability to take anything apart or build it. Something that can be as fun as it is fascinating, with limitless possibilities.

2) Electric guitar. I think the piano is a classier instrument, but I would just love to play rock music on rock music's official emblem.

3) Physics. I hated science as a kid, and have grown a ferocious fondness toward it it what it really does for mankind as an adult. Physics get to the very bottom of things, and mastering that would be quite awesome.

4) Boomerang. I have never, EVER thrown one of these fucking things so it came sirectly back to me. That fucking pisses me off. What if New York alley thugs attack my limo and my Aussie client is subdued? I would be humiliated. HUMILIATED.

5) Agriculture. Grow and raise my own food masterfully without the added oils, syrups, and corn-fed antibiotics. .

6) Mandarin & Cantonese. So I can communicate with my future owners.

7) History of music. Iknow I large chunk, but I love enough to want to know more.

8) Brewmastering. I want to know EVERYTHING about booze. I am limited to readin about it, but it starts to show me a lot more why people ENJOY it instead of using it simply as an inhabtion destroyer.

9) Foreign Policy. So I know exactly why those people on TV are so pissed off and yelling at the sky. Again.

10) Snowboarding. I need a good reason not to completely hate winter-- which I fucking DO-- and I would love to get good at a sport that I have struggled to have just one session where my breakfast the next moring did NOT consist of at least 227 Advils. I always take hot vacations, this would open up so many more doors for travel.

11) Tayloring. Make my own pimpin' threads. The jumpsuit is coming back, friends!

 

1) Hockey- I would love to be a better player. I have way more passion for the game than I have skill. I would love to be able to go to the rink and not make myself out to be a fool. If I could play like any player it would be Peter Forsberg. I absolutely love his style. Tough as hell, loved to play physical, and could seemingly score at will. One of the most complete players I've ever seen.

2) Guitar- I play alright but I would love to be able to play like Derek Trucks. I absolutely love slide guitar and Trucks is one of the best guitar players around today.

3) Speak the romantic languages- Chicks dig dudes who can speak french, add in italian, spanish, and portuguese? Shit.

4) Painting- I have no artistic talent but have a great appreciation for art. I would love to be able to make something that didn't look like a kindergartener's finger painting.

5) Mechanical skill- I can't fix shit. I've perused through the home improvement thread here and envy all of you who can do something with your hands besides using them to get yourself off.

6) Horsemanship- I love to ride horses but have very little skill. My grandfather was excellent with horses. He broke them, trained them, and I would love to be able to have 1/10th of his horsemanship.

7) Surfing- I love to surf but I'm god awful at it. I would love to be able to justify taking surfing vacations at the best and most beautiful spots in the world.

8) Finance and economics- Really useful stuff that I don't know enough about.

9) Persuasion- Ever meet one of those people that could sell eskimos ice? My uncle is one of these people and can persuade anyone. He has a natural ability to read people and tell them what they need to hear like nobody I've ever met before. It would be awesome to have this kind of persuasive ability in the business and legal world.

10) Snowboarding- I've been snowboarding for 15 years and am pretty damn good. However, the line between pretty damn good and the best in the world is a huge gap. I would love to ride in the style of Travis Rice or Jeremy Jones. Big mountain riders who push the limits of the sport well beyond the park and the backcountry booter. These two, in my eyes, are heads and shoulders above Shaun White. White is definitely an incredible rider but doesn't inspire me the way Jones and Rice do.

11) General Athletic Ability- We all know those guys. They are not the best at any one sport but are pretty good at all sports. I have a cousin like this. I'll practice my golf swing for months. He won't touch a club all summer and kick my ass the one time a year he plays. He just ran a marathon, rock climbs regularly, and swam at a DI school in college. I wish I had this type of athletic ability.

 

I most likely have the next few months not necessarily off but working little. I've been giving this some thought in between freaking out about not having to wake up at 7, shovel breakfast in my mouth, drink my half cup of coffee with my wife before being subjected to someone's armpit being forcibly attached to my face as I struggle for my non guaranteed 2 feet of floor space on my morning train.

1) Surfing. Moving to an island. I was a crap surfer in my teenage years and still loved it. I mean to become a badass
2) Guitar. Before my father stole my bass guitar to do a drug deal I wasn't bad. I wasn't good either. I mean to become a badass, specifically classic spanish guitar.
3) Spanish. At one point I was fluent. I am no longer fluent, just conversationally competent. I expect to remedy this living in a country that no speakeh Ingles too gooh.
4) Beer making. I have always wanted to understand this - to put my own spin on beer making
5) BBQ. I'm okay but know fuck all about smoking. I think I've found a family owned place in Fuerteventura that'll take me on as an apprentice. I'm in
6) Writing. I spent a considerable amount of time honing this craft to let it atrophy as badly as I have. I'm going to write the second chapter of this fucking book and keep going until its done.
7) Rope tying (for sailing and tying up the lady)
8) Motorcycle riding. Always wanted to do it. Someone always stopped me under the guise of my saftey. Lady says this won't be a problem for her outside of London so its on.
9) Krav Maga Instructor Level. I want to be able to teach kids and women to defend themselves. Its for some reason really really important to me.
10) I'll be dead before I get to 10 and I'll probably have to squeeze in several of the others in together and work on them at the same time. If I can though, piano. I want to be able to play Rachmaninov's Third like in the movie Shine.

 

Two more:

7. Driving. The kind you see in movies like Fast & Furious and such. Slamming on the brakes while pulling a 180 and sliding into a parking spot sideways.

8. The Kama Sutra. Besides mastering every position and technique, think of the fun I'd have in the 7 years to master it!

 

Forgot one as well - Dancing. Whether it be Tango, Cumbias, Salsa or whatever. Be a bad ass dancer.

 

Maybe because I live in a country where speaking French is the opposite of sexy, but where are all these girls who are supposed to instantly take their pants off at the sound of French? Because I haven't met them yet.

Me, I want to play the guitar like Eric Clapton.

 

In no particular order:

1. Writing. Even though I've already mastered it - brushes my shoulders off - I'm not sure how this works and I don't want to lose a skill just because I didn't clarify I wanted to keep it. I KNOW HOW YOU GENIES WORK.
2. Sewing. I'm okay at it, and would probably be better if I had more patience with it, but it would be awesome to make all of my clothes or perfectly tailor the ones I would still buy. I tend to get these very specific ideas in mind of clothes that I want to buy, but usually have trouble finding them, especially in my price range.
3. Dancing. I was on the verge of being really good when I stopped. It's not really a useful skill, especially since I wouldn't want to make a career out of it or anything, but I miss it and would want to go back to it.
4. Languages. There is something in my brain that won't click over to totally master a new language and become fluent. I'd like to get rid of that. It would mostly be for travel purposes but people who speak more than one language are simply cooler than other people.
5. Cooking/Baking. There are some things that I'm really good at, but I'd like to be more consistent. The reason is obvious, I think.
6. Carpentry. I've barely tried to learn this, but I respect this skill, and it would be nice to do my own renovations/build things for my future awesome home.
7. Painting. Also kind of useless, but one of my interests that I GUESS I wouldn't mind mastering.
8. An instrument. I haven't decided which instrument - maybe going back to piano, but I've always had a soft spot for the violin, or maybe something sexier but not as unique like the guitar. With the exception of the piano, I've never been very good at musical things, and that bothers me. I'd like to change it.
9. Economics/general money things. The moment where I stop understanding these things is way too soon for my liking. It's kind of important, on both a small personal level and on a bigger scale. I'd also like to form an opinion about it in politics, since I got my opinions on social issues down.
10. Strategizing. I'm not the best at thinking more than a few steps ahead. I would mostly use it in terms of things like business, but I think it would also be helpful in more personal aspects of life. Also, I want to finally kick the ass of my board game rival.
11. HTML/coding etc. I have zero knowledge about this. (Well, maybe not zero, I do know how to make things bold.) But, already I've either not applied or have likely been passed up for a whole bunch of jobs because it's a required skill. I think it's just going to keep being more important. I've enjoyed learning computer-related things a lot more than I've expected myself to, so I think it could be interesting.

 

Every time I hear someone speaking French, or English in a French accent, it sounds to me like the words are coming out of a giant vagina where the person's mouth should be. I've never understood what all the fuss is about.

 

Unless you're a woman who wants to take her pants off at the mere sound of me speaking French(or know where I can find one), I wasn't asking your opinion.

 

I call bullshit on this whole thing. I could master brewing or driving or languages or code or any of the other things that simply require knowledge and then practice and experience.

There are things, however, that require talent and an inate ability on top of knowledge, practice, and experience. You could take whoever it is that is the best piano player on Earth at the moment and have him/her spend every waking hour of the next 7 years with me and I promise I wouldn't be a master at playing the piano. Or any musical instrument. I could take painting lessons from Michaelangelo and what I created would still look like 3 year old fingerpainting.

 

You say that like it's a bad thing.


I would like to be able to play the piano. I got this brilliant idea in college to take an Intro to Piano course. Easy A right? Not so much. It is so much harder to learn an instrument at 20 then at 8. There were only about 6 of us in the class and we sat at electric keyboards. We'd have to practice chords during the class, which I never practiced so I really sucked at it. So I would turn down my keyboard and just hit random keys pretending I was playing. Until he called on me. I forgot it was turned down and started playing and nothing came out. I tried to do a quick volume adjustment but he saw me and asked, "Is your keyboard on?" I just said that it was turned down low. He let it go and I realized how embarrassing it would be to fail an Intro course and finally buckled down and practiced a lot. I had to do this memorized piece for my final and did well and ended up with an A (expected a B) but if I sat down at a piano today I would have no idea where to start. I think I could eke out Mary Had A Little Lamb, but I can do that on my phone also, so I don't think it's that impressive.

Not sure about 10 other things. I used to teach swim lessons and was pretty good at free, breast and back, but I always struggled helping kids with fly. So I wouldn't mind being an expert at that.

 

What a great list of talents people would use to better themselves. And how boring.

1. I want to squirt milk out of my eyes. I've wanted to learn how to do this since I saw some kid do it on Figure it Out. Though, it might be a genetic thing. I have no clue what I would use this skill for. Maybe I'd just blast would-be attackers in the face, like an octopus with its ink.

2. Light a large candelabra with nothing more than a match and a fart. Nothing says classy quite like a man who swirls his brandy with one hand and fart-lights his candelabra with the other.

3. The ability to create any necessary tool with MacGyver-esque ease. No cell phone? Here's a potato, three paper clips, some sand paper, and a windchime. Ring-fucking-ring.

4. I'd like to make my own crayons so I can name the colors whatever the hell I want. Here's looking at you, Goatse Vagina Pink.

5. Helicopter pilot. I'm sick of this commute, and flying cars are bullshit.

6. Stock market. To make enough money to buy my helicopter, and, incidentally, not have to work and deal with the commute. But still fly the helicopter everywhere anyway.

7. Harmonica. You can't take a guitar or piano with you everywhere.

And with that, I've run out of shit.

Though, with those 7 things I'd be a rich, harmonica playing helicopter pilot who, while delivering hilarious crayons, could crash in the wilderness and fashion a new helicopter out of deer bones and tree stumps, using my fart-lit candelabra as a work light, as I fend off mountain lions with the milk I squirt from my eyes.

With a story like that, whenever I drank beer, I'd drink Dos Equis.

 

1. Language - I'm an American living in Korea, I don't speak a lick of the language and it's hell trying to get around and communicate sometimes. That said, I have no desire in learning Korean. My picks would be German (I'll be living in Germany for the next 2 to 3 years after Korea), Spanish, Russia, and Arabic. Not only would this prove immensely useful for world travel but military members can make a shit load more money by passing language proficiency tests.

2. Martial Arts - Specifically Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Muay Thai, its a great combination of martial arts that would allow me to be a threat both at striking, grappling and ground fighting. I don't really want to know either for self-defense, but actively practicing as a martial artist is great exercise, and it's bad ass to boot, the self-defense thing is just an added bonus.

3. Marksmanship - This is something I was already working on mastering, but due to me not living in 'Merica my guns have been taken away by these freedom loving commies and I won't be able to regularly shoot guns for the next few years. It's just something I've really become interested in, first as a hobby, but it's kind of more like an obsession now I guess, be it target shooting or hunting, shooting guns is fun as fuck.

4. Survival Skills - I love the outdoors, hiking, fishing, hunting and I'd like to be able to be able to live off what nature can provide me for an indefinite amount of time on a much deeper level. Bear Grylls might drink his own piss, but I'd be able to construct a suitable dwelling from my own fecal matter.

5. Skiing - This is something very proficient at, honestly if I could retire today and had to choose one thing to do for the rest of my life it would be skiing. You can do it all over the world and I haven't experienced an adrenaline rush quite like it doing anything else, plus it fits right in with all of the other outdoorsy stuff I like.

6. Pool - I suck at pool, but it's one of those things where I just watch in awe as skilled players run the table on people.

7. Beer Pong - Because fuck you, run your naked lap because you just got shut out. The only downside to being amazing at beer pong is that's less beer to drink, but it's probably Keystone or Busch anyways.

I can't really think of 4 more off the top of my head.