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1001 Rules for my Unborn Child

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Rabbit B., Jul 19, 2011.

  1. TheFarSide

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    Call your sister on her birthday
     
  2. lostalldoubt86

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    This is kind of a shit rule. The only animal you can really take for a walk is a dog. What about sharks, tigers, various predatory birds, a monkey, snakes...

    Even rodents, reptiles, and certain bugs are manly.
     
  3. lhprop1

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    You can take a monkey out for a walk. A super fun, adventure filled walk!

    Rule #1: Be nice until it's time not to be nice.
     
  4. lust4life

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    Yes, there is a God.

    No, you're not Him.

    Do you think He's walking around thinking He's you?
     
  5. Beefy Phil

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    Rule Infinity: There is an exception to every rule.
     
  6. Dude

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    If you order delivery to a pool, the leftovers belong to the lifeguards. Under no circumstances are you to bring the leftovers home for lunch tomorrow.
     
  7. Frank

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    ...And the award for least general and most random advice goes to you sir.

    - Sushi is delicious, be the first of your friends to eat raw fish and mock them for being pussies forever.

    - You see those high mountains over there? You need to be at the top of every one of them at some point. Random aside: when reading AFF Tucker mentioned hating hiking and my first thought was "no wonder his mom is and alcoholic and his dad fired him.
     
  8. Revengeofthenerds

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    The authors of that website also have a book. It's fairly cheap, and makes for a great gift (my pregnant sister loves it, though I was serious because the father is an idiot).

    I'm not yet a father, but I have a few.

    - Hold open the elevator door.

    - If you talk to a soldier, past or present, shake their hand.

    - Ladies order first.

    - The less pleasant a person's job, the nicer you are to them.

    - Surf, shoot, or study -- you better be good at one.

    - When figuring what to tip, round up.

    - No matter how hard life is, someone has it worse than you. So whenever someone asks you hows it goin', you answer "great."

    - Always clean your plate.

    - For liquor: if it's clear, it's queer. Anything that looks like water better be on the rocks or neat, and if you can't stand it, it means you're either too cheap or too young to afford the good stuff.
     
  9. gfunk

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    If you fuck something up, take responsibility, fix it, and make every effort to ensure it doesn't happen again.
     
  10. E. Tuffmen

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    Don't fucking get married.

    If you do get married, do it after 40 and think twice anyway.
     
  11. dixiebandit69

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    Men should not have ear-piercings. Ever.
    If my son came home with an earring, I'd take it out myself. He can get it re-done when he's 18.

    EDIT: I don't think men should have any kind of piercings, period. I realize that some of the members of this board (including at least one moderator) have piercings, and that's great for y'all, but not for my son.
     
  12. jordan_paul

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    Don't say you understand something when you really don't. I'd rather show you how to do something 6 times until you get it instead of you saying you know how to do it and you fuck it up.
     
  13. JoshP

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    One thing my father told me that I will tell my kids,"No matter what happens in your life, you will always be my son and I am here for you."

    What I have learned that I will tell my son if I have one.
    - Know how to fight, only do so if you have to. Girls don't like thugs.
    - No matter what happens in a break-up there will always be someone else
    - Don't drink any booze that comes in a plastic bottle, trust me the extra $5 is worth it.
    - Life will kick you in the dick, but there is always a way out of every shitty situation.

    If I have a daughter let's hope my future wife will have some advice, or she's screwed. I grew up with 3 brothers and my mom died at 13. I've got nothing for her besides, "Don't be a slut, and use protection."
     
  14. InspektorGadget

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    Rule #1. Bathroom etiquette. Always use a safety wipe and don't be the guy who chooses to piss all over the toilet seat in the stall with the door open while there are open urinals.
    Rule #2. Don't just stare at it, eat it
    Rule #3. Every woman you pass on, may be a woman you'll never get a another chance with again.

    All rules which have greatly shaped my life. Dearest unborn child, I hope you'll understand one day.
     
  15. Politik

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    - Learn to incorporate crouch shooting into your strafe.

    - Always make friends with MS survivors. During the zombie apocalypse your feet might get tired and you can ride butterfly on their motorized wheelchairs.

    - Judge a man not on his actions, but rather by the shine of his shoes.
     
  16. xrayvision

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    Learning a proper apology should be a staple in a person's life. We all fuck up, but owning it properly is key to making it better.

    I can't stand it when a someone's form of an apology is nothing but excuses and passing blame instead of taking responsibility.

    Its real simple. Apologize. Take responsibility for your actions. Fix the problem. Don't do it again.

    My roommate is really good at making someone else out to be at fault for his frequent fuck-ups. Nothing makes me lose respect for a person more than that.(and kicking puppies)


    Punctuality: Don't ever be late. You are wasting someone else's time and it is disrespectful. Always account for situations that could set you back. Whether its having to first park the car and then walk to the place or a possible traffic jam. As a general rule, I always give myself about 15-20 minutes for shit like that.
     
  17. scootah

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    Anyone who tells you what kind of clothes or jewellery not to wear, even if it's me, is probably old.
     
  18. Disgustipated

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    Whether or not you make mistakes is less important than how you accept responsibility for them.

    Always endeavour to leave any situation better than you found it.

    If you cannot change or influence a situation, stop worrying about it. You're wasting time and energy.

    Just because there is information on the television, radio, internet or in books, magazines or newspapers doesn't mean it is correct, it just means it's published.

    Always treat people how they want to be treated, with the realisation that how a person acts tells you more about how they want to be treated than what they say.

    If the consequences of failure are personally dire, check it yourself.
     
  19. Frank

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    - Cliff jumping is cool, you should do it and not be a pussy... after you watch someone jump from the same spot first. I realize this conflicts with my sushi point, but the risk level involved is much greater here.

    - Don't ever get out of shape, it SUCKS trying to get back into it.

    - Don't drink in high school, if you don't have alcohol to fall back on you will have to be more creative with your free time.

    - Drink in college, you will be a loser outcast if you don't.
     
  20. Superfantastic

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    Hypothetical Son or daughter:

    There are no sure things in life, but wearing a condom is pretty close.

    Be willing and able to laugh at everything, especially yourself.

    Don't ever brag. If you've done something brag-worthy, let others do it for you. If they don't praise you, what you did wasn't brag-worthy.

    Read and write lots.

    Don't peak in high school. People who peak in high school have shitty lives.

    Hypothetical Son:

    (Paraphrasing Stephen Colbert) Impressing girls is the most fulfilling thing in the world. Your mom or your wife (or girls you go to school with or whatever) -- impress them whenever you can, and life will have meaning.

    Play sports, even just casually for fun. Hockey, at least. You may kick a soccer ball around from time to time, but only as warm up for a real sport.

    Hypothetical Daughter:

    Pleaseohpleaseohplease wait until you're 18 to have sex. Pretty much the only request I'll ever make.

    Don't be easily impressed by boys who are trying to impress you.

    I love you more than your brother.