10/14/16 - WDT (NSFW) - Shegirl Sucks

I'm supposed to be making cold calls right now but picking up the phone feels like grabbing an electric cattle fence- the shock might not be instant, but it is still guaranteed to make your day suck. So instead I'm spending my time on some really important stuff, working on my resume and debating in my head over turkey or pheasant hunting tomorrow. Tough choice.

Cheers to the weekend, ya filthy animals.

 

So someone recently told me they thought George Clooney was the best Batman...I had no idea such filth existed in this country.

 

Cold calling sucks. I've never met a single person who enjoyed it.

 

I didn't even think Clooney was the best Bruce Wayne, much less the best Batman. But, there are people who still think Sammy Hagar in Van Halen was better than David Lee Roth, so there's not accounting for taste. Some people even like chunky peanut butter over creamy. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?!

 

I wish nobody ever found out I have the ability to do it in the first place, including myself. I regret applying for that inside sales position a few years ago. Everything about it sucks and my employer putting me back on the phone part-time (better yet without any commission/bonuses for sales on my calls too) is a good chunk of why I'm now looking for new work.

tl;dr: Fuck this shit.

 

Does cold calling even work anymore?

Who the fuck answers the phone and is that polite?

 

I have to imagine it doesn't work. I think lazy managers use cold calls to up their number of potential customers contacted and hoping to get lucky every now and then. The success rate has to be shockingly low.

 

I'll be waking up at 3:30 am to start conducting my annual orchestra of meat on these bad boys. Current estimates show that all said and told, we'll have about 250 lbs of assorted animal cuts by the time the day is over. I will toast one in honor of TiB with the traditional shot of Jameson as the first fire is lit.

 

What I do is research lists of prospects based on what software system we think they're using or location and size, etc. and then find people in the right positions to contact. It is slightly less shitty than just running down the phone book. Trade show lists usually suck unless it's someone you actually had a good conversation with and can relate back to, otherwise they just want whatever you're giving away at the show. Because of my background I was creating the lists in the first place (and still do), otherwise you just pound the phone and have to have a value proposition actually tailored to that person ready so if they do happen to give you a couple seconds, you can make some sense. If you are smart you will research their website, learn what you can about them before calling, etc. Out of 50 calls I would say we end up with leaving 25-30 voicemails, getting to 5-10 secretaries that are roadblocks, maybe reaching 5-10 people, and the rest not getting there for whatever reason. Some are new prospects, some you may have called a bunch of times already. Out of the people you reach, if you're good you can get follow up calls with over half and scheduling demos (to be passed off to the closers) with a quarter to a third of them depending on what you've got lined up. It's why I'm drinking a beer now.

After a couple of years I was closing on my own accounts that I found and called up myself but I was done with the idea of making a living on commissions for a dickhead boss, and fortunately at that point a marketing position opened up too- otherwise I would have left. Today I am still involved in a lot of sales demos and calls but instead I just demo the product and answer fun questions the sales reps can't, which is a hell of a lot better than setting up the call in the first place.

jdoogie you gotta try and figure out how to bottle up the smell of all of those running at the same time, the world needs it.

 

We should be friends, so long as you're not a buckeye fan.If you are, I will reluctantly eat your food and drink your beer.

 

Half of the team of assembled barbecue-men(?) work, or previously worked for the university, myself included, so you're not going to be in friendly company with that attitude.

@katokoch I'm just trying to get the wind to move on a direction so that it doesn't blow all the smoke down to my one crotchety neighbors house so he doesn't threaten to call the fire department again. He's just pissed that he didn't get invited.

 

I grew up in Ann Arbor, I'm guessing you know about the Michigan-Ohio rivalry.

What kind of neighbor calls the fire department because of barbecue smoke? No wonder they don't get invited.

 

I've lived my entire life in Ohio, with the last 14 years in Columbus, so, yeah, I'm aware of the rivalry with TTUN.

Now that I know you grew up in Ann Arbor, I'll also remember to use nothing above a 3rd grade vocabulary when directly addressing you so you can actually understand what I'm saying.

 

Its all good. Its good to have you on here. Its rare to meet someone from Columbus who can read and write. Congratulations on doing so well.

A degree from Ohio is very similar to University of Phoenix. If you got the cash they'll give you one.

 

I am actually rooting for you guys to be undefeated going into The Game, only because I have 2 tickets 4 rows from the field that I need to make serious bank on (I have a contractually obligated catering event that day, otherwise I'd be there in person to watch you all suffer.) and if it's another 1 vs 2 match-up I can reasonably expect 5-6k total. (I'd explain how I came up with that # using things like multiplication, but my understanding is that's a graduate level course in your state.)

 

Especially when the person calling you right at dinner (despite being on the Do Not Call List) sports an ultra-thick East Indian accent and yet introduces himself by the name of "Paul Curtis".

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah right. The last time I answered the phone without recognizing the number I think Coke was still mass-sold in glass bottles.

 

I went in 2006 when they were 1-2. I paid $1600 for two tickets in the C-Deck. You should make bank.