No. God no. I'm sure your kid is lovely, but when I'm drunk and looking at hot chicks, and imagining all the shit I would love to do to them (my inner porn reel, which would probably require many stunt doubles and a cardiac team on standby), seeing a young, innocent, naive baby would be too much of a shock. You can't just go to from degrading sex acts to toddler without suffering a cranial implosion. Unless you're a pedo... but that's just fucking creepy and wrong. Hell, I'd be willing to open up a "my cute kid" thread beside the pets thread, if that'll kill the urge. Just let me know. The other mods will probably ban me, but that's the sacrifice I'm willing to make. And in other news, Zubrowka vodka (Bison Grass) shots fucking rock. Just sayin.
D.J'ing tonight. Which means I get to talk to gaggles of drunk girls for most of the night who pack into the booth, ready to defend thier Crass World Title and all Harpy-shriek requests for stupid songs at the same time. I recorded a group of them on my phone camera last time. Check it out: Spoiler ...well, close enough. BigChops would defend me here. Some things do not change over the years, like the fact that there are retards out there that still think it would be awesome to end the night with a "slow song". Jesus.
Hook it up, homey! Uh, I mean yes, please! Although, does anyone remember on the other board that a high-ranking admin told me, in the costume thread, that my son was going to end up sucking cocks for a living because he dressed up as Link for Halloween. My son was maybe 7 years old at the time. Mighty fucked up.
I managed to make it into a bar last night (Minnesota banned power hours a few years ago). First drink was a shot of Jack Daniels followed by a local cream stout. It's wet out, but I'll be grilling hot dogs and working on a beer can chicken today. It's gonna be a good day.
No, it wasn't you. And it wasn't a "funny, ha-ha" kind of way either because he then ripped me up one side and down another for posting a picture of my kid. In a costume. In the costume thread.
So my brother told me a couple things last night regarding etiquette in bars: 1. Tip well with your first drink, 2. Don't shit at the bar, 3. If it's busy, keep it simple. Any other things I should be aware of?
It may also have something to do with kuhjäger's placement on the Kinsey scale. Does anyone still have that picture of him from a couple years back getting a perm?
Yes, you do. You saved it on your HD to fap to. Man, normally I would be like, 3 shots deep, but I am on call at work because we are shifting our servers. Ruins my whole day. But I am totally rocking the shorts, t-shirt and tie. You know, you get to dress down when you work on Sat.
The devil's dick strikes again. I feel like I have an evil witch in my stomach churning a giant wooden spoon while throwing kittens and puppies into the already consumed drink. Yes, I am still drunk. The question is, what am I doing up at 9:30? Here's the picture of that whore in my stomach right now: Spoiler
Pretty good advice. 4. Don't punch anyone, especially in Edmonton where it'll earn you a knife in your stomach or back. 5. Bros before hoes (but that's a given) 6. Don't shit at the bar. Jesus, never shit at the bar. Pregame, pregame, pregame.
See, here's the thing: in what other service industry is so much etiquette placed upon the customer? If you get to a restaurant and the waitress takes her sweet ass time to take your order and bring your food, you'd tip low. You don't tip her right at the beginning. If it's busy, you don't compromise on what you want, and if service is slow it's because the management under-staffed the place or your waitress is shitting the bed. And then, of course, when you read bartender blogs, they love to go on about how a bar is no different from any other service industry: you shouldn't expect to get comped drinks, blah blah blah. Make up your god damned minds, bar-folk. In unrelated news, I'm sorry I missed the dick and tampon discussion last night (I was busy getting laid or something like that). So here's my question: on a short jaunt into a drug store last night, I noticed that some tampons had special no-slip grips. Do tampons actually need no-slip grips? Do your vaginas impart a slick teflon coating on them after being in your vagina for a few hours? Or is that feature so that you can pull the alcohol enemas out before you realize that faster absorption and no first-pass metabolism will get you right fucked.
Nah, I think it is just a marketing ploy. I mean, there is only so much you can do to revolutionize and update a fucking tampon, but every so often they try anyway.
Well, they tried once, and here was the result: <a class="postlink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_shock_syndrome" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_shock_syndrome</a>
Just woke up. Fucking huge headache and its a gorgeous day out. Need to get my shit together. That little slut-tease that kept running around and stealing my hat last night... I think I'll text her later, even though it felt like high school again.
If it's not your regular bar, feel free to treat it like a playground. Never buy a girl a drink. If you're outside the USA tip no-one. Also, when you're at the bar, while your waiting to be served, discreetly feel around the floor area with your foot for coins and notes. When you get good at this and know which bars have the most floor money, you can sometimes make enough to drink for free.
It's been awhile since we had one of these drunk threads. (Semi) naked girl pics, dick talk and ghettoastronaut posting random wikipedia clips.