Pretty soon you'll start seeing that stuff in church basements and VFWs around my state in the next couple of months. Don't. Just don't. I was just at my sister's fiance's place to carve some pumpkins and did a pineapple too. It was awesome. Then we drank the pineapple juice with vodka and it was even better.
It is the end of our first day in California and I've had a blast so far. I cooked dinner for everyone. El husband's dad and brother appear to exist wholly on chef boyardee, hot dogs, and cereal. Tomorrow we are going shooting at the range. It's the little things.
Hi straight men. Do you ever feel like getting laid? I have a tip for you: go to gay/drag parties. Straight girls are there, dancing in a gyrating, sweaty mass of absolutely beautiful, mostly naked men who tell them they're pretty and then make out with each other instead of with them (which is great to watch and all but at some point you want to participate), and the music is so loud and bass-heavy that they're basically sitting on an invisible vibrator the whole night. I swear to god, at the height of the night, if someone so much as brushed my nipple I would have collapsed in a twenty-minute long orgasm. My friend and I ducked out for a few minutes to get some water at a bodega, and this guy started hitting on us and merely because he was straight and not-so-bad looking and not creepy we started getting all giggly and looking at him with wolf-like hunger in our eyes. Also, at one point this guy put his hands on my shoulders, looked me deep in my eyes, and told me that if all girls looked like me he wouldn't be gay anymore. And it was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, I think.
On the other hand, that statement can be turned around to form an incredibly mean insult. Thanks for the inspiration. In other news, I am waiting to do the bike ride of shame back to my car, pop the front wheel off, and throw it in the back. It's going to be bad. Young children will pull at their parent's sleeves and say, "Mommy, why is that man riding his bike like that?" to which mommy will respond "Get in the car".
Ok, so I need to do the following to get laid: Get a new sound system. A really good one. Ok, I'm down with that. Find good looking gay friends. I have gay friends, but I sure wouldn't fuck them. While they are fashion conscious, they're pretty ugly. Turns out I'm shallow. Get abovesaid good looking gay friends (whom I don't have yet, but let's play along) to make out with each other. This might be the easiest part of your recipe. Get wife to watch above. Profit? Then I realized something. I just don't care enough to put that kind of effort into anything. People that tell you getting old sucks manage to leave out the only plus: You literally stop giving a fuck about most things. Kind of liberating. Like wearing stripes and plaid on the golf course. Because in the end, who gives a shit? I suddenly am very tired of thinking of all the misguided effort I put into not getting laid. Nap time. Old Country Buffet opens in a couple of hours, I want to hit the Saturday Surprise cart heavy, so I have some resting to do.
I'd like to think you were joking, but since I don't frequent that restaurant, for all I know there really is a Saturday Surprise cart. And if there is, don't forget to loosen your belt. I'd throw in wearing black socks with sandals, but I think that's considered cool nowadays.
Also don't forget to beat your wife and kids on the way in while shirtless and wearing some dolphins boxers.
Well, I'm off to a conference. Yippee! I really wish they served Bloody Marys. That'd make 2-hour presentations on "The First Five Years of Your Career", etc, etc more interesting. Sadly, I got the shit scared out of me on Thursday. The chief investigator of the state board (aka the guy who can suspend or revoke my license) talked to us about all the stupid shit people do to get in trouble. I don't want to be one of those people, ever.
I liked it a lot. I thought the new guy played a much more enjoyable spider-man than Mr. Non-emotive from the first three movies.
There is no chance of not going. I signed up for 16 sessions and am too cheap to think about wasting the money....see, I knew what I was doing
I'm glad you liked them, but I thought it was awful. I thought for the most part the newest three were pretty damn good (although two sucked), The new reboot bored me to death, and I love Emma Stone.