Silly Billy Pilgrim, Weekend Drunk Thread 9/28/12-9/30/07

Actually when we moved here I was going to take her last name, having a local name really helps with job hunting, but she decided at the last minute that she didn't want me taking her name (it is actually common here for the man to take the wife's name). One of my brothers in law took his wife's last name.

 

I don't even want to know what that is.

To be honest, I've never been bothered by him liking porn. I always find that women who are bothered by that have other, even more weird hangups.

 

Holy christ living in the countryside requires adjustment. I went out to check our drain pipes as we have been having some leakage issues. I went out with my flashlight to check it, and as I walked out I heard a

"meeeeeerrawhhhhaaaah"

From across the street. I shone the light across and there was a moose eating our neighbor's apples. I have never moved away from an herbivore so quickly.

 

Well I was at my cousins wedding and there was free beer so I'm quite drunk, these are repeats but whatever

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merry fuckin' christmas

 

Going to make this a suggestion, but quick question and I'm sure you guys have had this situation. I have a friend who just started dating a new girl and she's a bitch. Trying to figure out how to break it to him. She's not being rude or snarky yet but she just has not given a fuck of effort in getting to know anyone.

Also, fucking love Margarita's, and really fucking love Oktoberfest celebrations. Saw a band called the Polkaholics, it was fantastic.

 

Polkaholics, I think the Porkaholics are better. More copies

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I'm kinda bored, didn't sleep today, and ain't sit to do now

 

So...you don't know her, she hasn't been rude or snarky, but she is a bitch?

Give her some time. Maybe she is just shy. Maybe she just doesn't think you're that cool; that wouldn't make her a bitch. She needs to do something bitchy for her to become a bitch. Not acting like you are the best thing to ever happen to her social circle does not make her a bitch.

 

There's not a damn thing you can say or do about it. You can shout the truth from a rooftop, and he won't hear you. Eventually he will either figure it out for himself or this girl will manipulate him into marrying her and living a life of misery. Back away and keep your mouth shut. No good will come from "warning him". Trust.

 

parkour, don't listen to the gravy train. he's still bitter over Frasier being cancelled.

the only thing bitches respond to is boldness. next time you're hanging out, flop your wangbot on the felt and screech, "is this not why you are here?", then explain how you can't help the poor if you're one of them.

if she doesn't respond positively, knock over some shit and leave.

 

Yeah, speaking from experience, telling him she's a bitch or is wrong for him will only drive a wedge between you and your friend. You'd think people would realize that if their friends are saying a girl is wrong, they're not doing it out of jealousy but out of friendship, but that's only very rarely the case.

Shut up, deal with it, hope for the best, and shit in her back seat when no one can prove it's you.

 

My man Percy drops knowledge. "Turn his back on his best friend, if he put her down", indeed.

 

That could be equal parts shyness or something other than repelling from "the gang". If she is, let him figure it out on his own anyway. Maybe she does things to his dick that makes Mia Kirshner look like his hand so he doesn't give a shit about her personality, who knows.

So, what's YOUR issue with this? Do you honestly think he's miserable with her, or do you just want to get rid of the new dark cloud that's hanging around?

In other news, I hit either Bob or Steve (one of the backyard skunks) with a well aimed two-hander toss of a patio chair. Booya. I finally nailed one of thesse little peckerheads. Yeah, WUT?? Walking ten feet tall right now, bitches. Mother Nature needs a little kick in the shins once in a while.

 

Is imagining your children's disobedient back talking fighting over stupid shit faces while playing Halo a good form of stress relief? Or is it just the precursor to a headline that reads "Local black man inexplicably kills three white children: trial set for 3 hanging promptly at 4: 30?"

 

I read this, slapped myself across the face and then read it again. Either I'm more high than I thought or that post simply does not compute.

 

Took me a while too. Let me translate:

"My kids are being little shits. When playing Halo, I pretended to shoot my kids. Is this normal, or will I eventually snap and be executed for killing my kids?"

 

Ah.

And no. There is no creation on God's earth that pushes your buttons quite like your kids do. Not neighbours. Not passive agressive in-laws. Kids have this sass that cuts like a hot knife, and sometimes when they give you that perfectly-timed lip you just think "You're so small. It would be so easy to hold you under the tub until the splashing stopped."

Of course, you would never ACTUALLY do it, we can't all be Casey Anthony. Much like kids, sometimes it helps for us to use our imagination as well. Sometimes I see the abortion protestors with their gory gigantic photos out in front of the hospital and I daydream about mowing them down like rotted dandelion heads. Doesn't mean I would actually do it, I mean it's pretty close to the police station.

 

To be fair, his Presentwife does both.