Jesus Christ, Adolf Hitler and Nostradamus are in a bar...

Ernest Hemingway - Daiquiris at La Floridita with one of literature's biggest personalities, and hardest drinkers? Sign me up. He seemed like one of those dudes who made a decent time no matter where they were or who their company was. God, the stories that man must have had that we don't even know about. It'd be pretty tits to hear him hold court. Probably pick up a few things. The only drawback might be the macho bravado. It'd be disappointing if one of your heroes turned out to be a jackass blow-hard.

Jesus Christ - There's a brain I'd like to pick too. I'm a religious history buff and an armchair philosopher. Not to get too heavy, but who the fuck wouldn't have questions for the dude even if he wasn't part God. One of the great pacifists and famous men of history. Wax on about love, life, death, the state of the human condition, whether or not the Romans really did anything for us. We could build something while getting ripped on tap water. The drinking session would have to last 3 days.

My dad - He died when I was 9 so I really didn't learn much from him or about him. A few beers would help lubricate the conversation. It's only been in the last few years that my uncle has started telling me stories about him. I realize I missed out on a truly remarkable soul that could elucidate what's going on in my own head. Guy has to know where he came from, why he does what he does.

 

Jesus, Carl Jung and Bill Wilson.

 

Andrey Kolmogorov- The greatest mathematician of the 20th century, who not only largely founded probability theory and modern-day statistics, but made significant discoveries in topology, physical systems, mathematical logic, and partial differential equations.

He's a demi-god among any Russian who has ever studied math, (my father spoke with a wonder I had never seen before about attending Kolmogorov's seminars) I've read several of his textbooks, and he was by all accounts a gracious, kind man that could also have been a world-class historian. (Another subject I really like)

He also once broke another mathematician's jaw with a punch to the face.

Andrew Jackson- The greatest badass in the history of American politics. A self-made man that fought in the Revolutionary War from the time he was about 11 years old, where his face was slashed upon from a sword strike, and he was thrown in jail before almost dying of disease.

Amazing general and president.

Gegard Mousasi- See avatar. I learned from a recent interview that Mousasi is moving to Glendale, California next year, which is about half an hour from where I live. Dreams really do come true!

 

I see a lot of 'Jesus'. I don't get it. Either he was the Son of God, or a charlatan. Either way, he's been talked about enough.

Frankly, I'd take Judas Iscariot over him any day. There's a guy with a story to tell.

 

Steve Jobs: I'd love to sit down and just hear what he thinks about upcoming technologies, etc. Where does he think we're gonna be 5 years down the road? 10? 20?

Richard Branson: This guy is involved in almost everything. Most of the stuff he's involved in I find extremely interesting. I'd like to have him there with Steve because I think the two of them talking would really reveal some interesting stuff. I'd like to know why he's involved in some businesses that are nothing but a money hole.

George Dubya: Just because I'd love to know what the fuck he was thinking. How much of a say did he really have? Did Cheney call all the shots? Does his brain actually function? I'm sure Steve and Richard would have some choice words for him too.

 

Winston Churchill: Witty as hell and liked his gin; I think his accomplishments speak for themselves

Adolf Hitler: Aside from the cliche 'would kill him/kick him in the balls/whatever' argument, I'd be legitimately interested to talk to him on a one on one level. See how cracked out he really was vs where flashes of his eloquence are. Similar to the people who've posted Manson it'd just be curiousity to actually talk to him.

Bill Gates: While he's a bit more detached than he was then, for someone so shrewd both technically and business-wise, I'd damn well be paying attention to what he had to say.

 

Winston Churchill, George Carlin. and Thomas Jefferson. All Liked to get fucked up, all among the smartest and most influential people to ever exist.

 

Andrew Jackson Totally uncouth bad ass mother fucker that would be crucified in today's America.

Winston Churchill Full of great quotes and once again a bad ass mother fucker.

Ulysses S. Grant Saved the Union's collective ass and was always loaded. Also a bad ass mother fucker.

I'm pretty drunk and I've reasoned that all three appreciate that.

 

I'd ask Teddy Roosevelt what I should do to get that plot of land that my neighbor owns but I want.
I'd ask Louis CK how I could improve my jokes and writing. Also, Richard Pryor and Larry David.
I'd ask the Darius the Great (or his father, Cyrus) how he lead his army and people. The Achaemenid empire was the largest of the Ancient world, bigger than the Roman empire at it's peak even.

 

Leonardo DaVinci: Just to be in his presence for a little while would probably prove enlightening on so many levels, never mind the questions I would ask.

Al Jolson: Every contemporary of his agreed that seeing him ON STAGE was like a religious experience.

My Dad: He died when I was 12 and had me late in life. So much about my family history I would love to know.

 

All you intellectual's out there can enjoy your dull conversations because in the booth to the right of you will be:

John Lennon, James Dean and the gorgeous Marilyn Monroe, the cooles, best looking booth in the bar. (Even with me in it)

 

Edgar Allan Poe: I'd make him read me The Raven.

Patton Oswalt: A bottle of scotch and some large steaks. Hilarious conversation would follow, I'm sure.

Stevie Ray Vaughan: Just play...whatever. It'll be really good.

 

Stephen King - I am a huge fan and think he would be pretty fun to have some beers with - if he even still drinks. (John Steinbeck for the same reason, if Mr. King was busy)

Freddie Mercury - Again, I am a huge fan, plus the man was awesome & you know he has some crazy ass stories to tell. And, I would make him sing me a few songs - you know he'd do it.

Eleanor Roosevelt - I am currently reading her autobiography and I think she is super interesting and I have several questions about her life (and I love the time period in which she lived) and Franklin's. He can come too. He'd probably be a bit more fun actually.

 

Winston Churchill: I read a book of the letters he exchanged with FDR. What a ballsy, manly, brilliant man.

Anais Nin: She's incredibly intelligent and supremely sexy. The combo of the two could teach me a thing or two about being a real woman.

PhilaLawyer: Anyone who feels that way about gin (see signature) is someone I'd drink with any day of the week. Hilarious, sincere, awesome writer with such a unique take on the world.

And if I could get all three of the above in a booth with me, the only thing I'd say during the duration of dinner would be "another martini please" to the waitress. I can only imagine what these three together could do.

 

Frank Sinatra, HL Mencken and Iceberg Slim. All wise, entertaining and, by all accounts, not insane or insufferably antisocial. (Nietzsche stays buried.) I'd love to hear Mencken's take on anything contemporary. And I'd like to watch Sinatra and Iceberg mack on the same broad.

Not that Jesus is a bad choice, but I think he'd be too confused to communicate. I'd hate to explain the last 100 years to anyone, let alone the last two millennia.

 

Fedor Emelianenko

Brock Lesnar

One T-Bone steak, and no lunch prior:

Ready? Begin!

 

What I'd give to sit down with Woody Harrelson, Christopher Walken, and Jane Lynch.

Nope, no questions. I'd just sit and listen. I have a feeling that it'd be very hard for me to be bored around those three.

 

Ty Cobb - one of the best baseball players ever, and also one of the sport's biggest assholes. Beyond that his mother shot and killed his father by accident and plenty of other odd/interesting anecdotes.

Mark Twain - One of America's sharpest wits

Ludwig Wittgenstein - widely regarded as the most important philosopher of the 20th century. I'm hesitant to list him though because I openly admit that half of what his says would probably go over my head.

 

Chief Joseph.

Nero.

Colonel David Hackworth.

 

Johnny Cash He was a great entertainer and an awesome man, he lived an interesting life and I'd love to hear more about it.

Quentin Tarantino My favorite director, I'd love to pick his brain.

My Uncle Randy He died six year ago. He was a fun guy and I'm sad I didn't get to know him as an adult.