I work in an office and each desk is in its own cubicle. All the 'entrances' face into a hallway, and the walls separating us only go about 5' high. One of the guys I work with, two or three times a week, cuts his nails at his desk. If he's wearing flip-flops, he cuts his toenails. Am I wrong for thinking that's gross? Focus: Are you a stickler for etiquette? What rules of polite society really bother you if they're broken?
I'm a huge stickler for phone etiquette. For instance returning calls. I'll call someone and happen to bump into them like 6 hours later at a party or a bar "hey dude saw where you called, what'd you need?" Well whatever the fuck it was it probably doesn't matter much now does it? Ever call someone only to get a recording that claims their voice mail is full because they never fucking check their messages? Infuriating. But the thing that absolutely pisses me off the most is when people are constantly talking on the phone or texting while hanging out with me. I don't mean at a party or a crowded bar. I mean when I'm on a date or a girl comes over to watch a movie and they have seven different conversations going on at once. Am I boring you or something? Personally when I'm with company and I get a phone call, I'll leave the room to take it. Especially if its during something like my weekly LOST gatherings when I know people are trying to focus on the show.
With regards to the office environment, people who eat noisily drive me nuts. The guy I share an office with eats the way porn stars fuck. He makes a lot of "hmmm" sounds like he hasn't eaten in days, accompanied by the sound of wet, open-mouth mastication. Soup is the worst. Slurp, slurp, slurp, along with the rapid clinking of the spoon as he paddles it into his maw. As he nears the end, he picks the bowl up in both hands, holds it up to his lips, and tips the bowl back to to loudly slurp the final drops. I swear I'm going to look over some day and he'll be licking the bowl clean.
My first date with my now-fiance was focused mainly on how we could avoid pissing each other off. My priorities were elsewhere at the time, and I didn't want to be obligated to someone I in any way couldn't stand. Thusly, early in the date when she asked me if I had any pet peeves, I jumped at the chance. "My phone is off, yours should be too. If you answer a call or send a text while with me tonight, I'm taking your number out of my phone." Fortunately, she laughed in agreement, and to this day we still joke about "asking permission" to answer if our phone rings. My biggest one though: Don't be fucking late. Being late induces a murderous rage, deep within the bowels of my jaded soul, and it's in reaction to two things primarily: 1) my mother and boss is constantly late, and I can't stand it. I don't like it when she's late to something with me, I'm embarrassed when she's late to an appointment with someone else. 2) I went to a military school for middle and high school. If you're on time, you're five minutes late. To this day, I will always, ALWAYS be at least a few minutes early. It's a respect thing. Yes, I may "outrank" you professionally. Yes, I may be paying you for your services which I am meeting with you to discuss. But my time is NOT any more valuable than yours. You have a schedule, I have mine; if I said I'm going to be somewhere at a certain time, I'm not going to make you wait 15 minutes, just like I wouldn't expect you to make me wait either. Our wedding is going to start at 6:55.
Chewing gum. More specifically the way it is chewed. If you chew gum with your mouth open, making that smacking sound with every chew, it take every fiber of my being to keep from ramming my fist in your mouth and thumping that wad down your esophagus until I hear it go splash in your stomach. Also, people who pull it out of their mouth and play with it like Play-Do. I hope you all fucking die.
Your shit don't matter jackass- Do any of you have a couple items scattered inside your vehicle? Like a few books on the floor, maybe a business portfolio on the seat? Well this jackass tends to romp all over your shit once he/she has been offered a ride. What about simply moving it aside or placing the items on their lap? Your shit just isn't important. Toilets - I don't mind if you don't lift the seat as long as you can piss through the 1' in diameter hole, but clean it up if you miss. I don't take a shit in public restrooms often, but when I do it's usually because I'm milliseconds away from spewing forth something awful. I don't need your shit in the way. Dog shits - Pick it up.
I find the saying "Bless you!" annoying and presumptuous. I wish there was a decent alternative to it. I suppose there's gesundheit. One should at least ask if someone minds if, for some reason, the entire table doesn't have their food. I don't think waiting is necessary all the time, but at least acknowledge it. This is actually why I don't borrow books. I know I beat the shit out of them.
People who fold paper-back books and magazines in half. Is it that goddam difficult to use both hands when reading? You shitheads who do this DO realize that you are ruining the book, don't you? One time I loaned this book to a woman I was working with, and when I got it back the spine was ready to fall apart. Cunt: "Oh, I didn't think you would mind." DB: "Well I do fucking mind. Don't ever ask to borrow anything of mine again."
Commutor Traffic and Motorcycles Let them weave through. They're smaller and they can. By purposely blocking the spot in between lanes, you're not only proving that you're a total road rage douche bag, you're actually putting someone's life at risk with your idiocy. The whole, "I'm not going anywhere so neither are you" attitude is retarded.
By this same measure, though, cyclists* who feel they don't have to follow the rules of the road. The ones who insist on riding down the middle of the lane, rather than the shoulder, who don't signal, who weave through stopped traffic at a four-way stop and cut wherever they please. I have no sympathy for them when they get hit; I'd much prefer if they rode on the sidewalks or, better yet, the designated cycle paths. *Bicycle riders, not motorcycle riders.
Don't be that guy when it comes to letting people through in traffic. Is getting home a fraction of a second earlier really worth being a dickhole? This. You want to pretend you're a car? You get to follow the same rules too, then. They don't exist for mere annoyances sake. There's usually good reasons why you have to, say, stop at a stop sign.
I ride a bicycle to class and work, as it's the fastest and most efficient way around here. If I had a dollar for every fixed-gear riding douchebag who burns through stop signs and red lights without thinking, my tuition would be paid already. Same goes for dipshits who ride in the middle of the lane going 10 mph. It's common fucking sense. Know why you need to obey traffic laws? 'Cause that truck you just cut off could have turned you into something resembling ground beef in an instant. Know why that driver is yelling and flipping you off? 'Cause you're holding up them and 10 other drivers who don't want to and shouldn't have to wait on your slow ass. It's simple: Obey traffic laws and don't bike with traffic unless you're going the same speed as the vehicles. Is 25-30 mph too fast? Get out of the way!
I find saying anything after someone sneezes annoying and presumptuous. I don't say bless you or gesundheit to anyone. There is no reason for saying anything, and it is just fucking stupid to. Sneezing is a natural function. Hats I don't wear hats, and I don't really like hats on people. But wearing them indoors bothers me. If I was in a higher place at my work I would ban people from being able to sit at their desk wearing their stupid hats.
Unfortunately because of my job I'm involved in a lot of face to face meetings with customers. Regardless of if I'm at their facility or in my own office I always stand when someone new enters the meeting room and introduces themselves. I refuse to shake someones hand for the first time if they're sitting down. A couple of the younger guys who work for me have been reminded of this multiple times and to make the message sink in I made them watch clips of Mad Men. Nothing shittier than having to lean over and stretch across a conference room table to make an introduction. If the other party doesn't want to give me the courtesy of standing them I'm not shaking their hand.
Customer Service If you're working retail, please do not act like you are better than the customers. It is your job to provide a good experience for the customer, regardless of how big of a twat he/she is.
I've never understood this. Why? Would you also ban sweaters in warm rooms? Other side of the same coin: as a customer, a little bit of humility and empathy please.
The only major pet peeve I have is when people don't remove their hats for the National Anthem. Show some fucking respect. The countless number who struggled and died to bring you this nation deserve it.
Christ on a pony I HATE cold-fish handshakes. State your case and be firm. Also, open the door for others; it's nice on both sides.
Bicycles that are ridden by self entitled dipshits that pay no attention, because they think they're special, to basic traffic laws not to mention etiquette. Listen you prick if I'm coming up just to the top of a hill, you can clearly already see over, why not give me the courtesy of a hand wave letting me know it's clear? Is it so much to ask? I'm doing you the courtesy of going -2mph so as to not run you over how about you give me a little something back? And speaking of courtesy waves, when I let you and your vehicle into traffic gimme "The Wave". It should be a requirment. I find the most frequent offenders of this rule violation are people of Asian decent. Just sayin'. EDIT: I don't want you to send me fucking flowers, just a two fingered wave or whatever. It's more about acknowledging that someone was nice enough to do it in a time when many dickfaces don't.
On the same note, don't try and exert your manliness by breaking every bone in the other guy's hand. Doesn't need to be bone-crunching to be effective.