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Beat me and I'll fuck you

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Winterbike, Oct 19, 2010.

  1. Winterbike

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    #1 Winterbike, Oct 19, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2020
  2. DrFrylock

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    Martial Arts are pretty popular so I'm interested to hear what people have to say about them here. I personally have never participated, but I know a lot of people who have.

    They basically fall into two categories. The first are the normal ones who just do it as a hobby, or like a sport, and it's a healthy part of their life. The other group is just waiting for that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to put a perp in an arm-bar and dispense justice where it's desperately needed.

    I'll add an ALT FOCUS: What has the rise of MMA done to the martial arts culture, particularly in terms of inter-arts rivalries? Have a whole bunch of douchey people invaded dojos all over? Do karate practitioners find themselves under constant verbal assault from BJJers?
     
  3. Aetius

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    The trick is to pick a weapon that completely takes their technique advantage away.

    ...like a Louisville Slugger.
     
  4. Disgustipated

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    FOCUSOkay, technical stuff out of the road because it's been mish mashed throughout various threads.

    I've been doing martials arts continuously for over 13 years, and you can add another 3 -4 years on top of that when I was a kid. I currently hold the following qualifications (in order of gaining them):

    - 5th kyu (green belt) in Go So Kempo (traditional kempo from Japan, through the UK, achieved as a kid).
    - 1st degree black belt in Australian Freestyle Taekwondo. It's taekwondo, but not as you know it. It had tkd as a base, but added bits and pieces from whatever worked, no real focus on grappling.
    - 3rd degree black sash in Lung Fu Jin Fa. It's a kung fu based freestyle/MMA style, incorporating various kung fu styles (including Choy Li Fut, Moc Gar, Kuen Li Kune, Jeet Keen, Wing Chun, Chin Na and so on), Muay Thai, western kickboxing, old school orthodox western boxing, ju jitsu and judo. It's our own combination of these, with a bit of traditional Chinese flavour mixed it. This is my main style.
    - 1st degree black belt in Kyusho, or 1 second nerve combat. I didn't bother going any farther, as it gets a little wacky for my tastes. Up to 1st degree is the basic nerve pathways and attacks based on acupuncture theory.

    Added in to that I'm a nationally qualified sports coach through the Martial Arts Industry Association.

    For me it's a lifestyle choice in most respects. I'm a traditional student and next in line to take over the style should something untoward happen to Sifu. It's so ingrained, I doubt I could tell you exactly when and where the passion started.

    ALT FOCUS:
    This. This is typical of many "new breed" MMA proponents (and I use that term because MMA is just freestyle and I've been doing that since before the UFC existed). The attitude is not new though, Bruce Lee had a similar one until he started to recant in his later years.

    Traditional stuff is not useless, if you recognise it for what it is. Katas (we call them forms) are just the reference tools to remember techniques and flow, and to train the body. Any set combination of moves is a kata. Doing jab-straight-left hook on a bag is a kata. Working from side control through half guard, full guard, passing guard and back again is a kata.

    Most lack of knowledge is not the fault of the style, it's the fault of the stylist. Many Japanese arts, unfortunately, propagated this because of the culture whereby you do what we tell you and don't ask why. If you don't understand why you're doing something, you'll often do it wrong and you'll definitely teach it wrong. True, many traditional moves are no long truly effective because of the progress of the world. But that doesn't mean they don't have physical benefit or traditional value. It's like paying respect to your elders and forebears.

    In terms of general douchiness and fads, the MMA trend is nothing particularly new. Years ago it was karate. Then Bruce Lee hit the big time and it was kung fu. In the 80s it was ninjas. In the 90s it was BJJ. Now it's MMA. In a few years it will be something else. The next predicted big thing is Sanda. From a pure, uneducated spectators point of view it's more dynamic, explosive and enjoyable than MMA (because to the uninitiated, grappling looks boring and like nothing).
     
  5. Rabbit B.

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    I hope they repeat this test at their wedding. Watching some groom beat the shit out the bride until she says "I do" would definitely be memorable.

    My dad did a lot of martial arts back when he was younger. Won all sorts of tournaments and was a bad ass. Makes me feel like a little bitch in comparison.

    I only took a karate class once when I was 16. The instructor was trying to show different holds. He said to try to get out of them...so I did. I'm limber and have large tolerance for pain (shut up) so I was able to get out of most holds. At one point he tried this weird thing where he was trying to get me in a hold while also spinning around. I was able to get out of it pretty easily and he stumbled backwards. Then he started coming at me fists raised saying, "Do you want me to hit you? Do you want me to hit you?" over and over. I was a scrawny ass 16 year old and he was a thirty year old martial artist. I backed up and said, "no" and he eventually stopped. I never went back.

    Fucking dick.
     
  6. Queen-Bee

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    Or an iVibe Rabbit.



    I give!
     

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  7. Nettdata

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    I'm thinking that if they get beaten, they might not have any say in the matter.
     
  8. Samr

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    Or a fucking firearm. The article specifically says "any weapon they wish," and while these kung pow idiots are practicing meditating people to death, I'm plunking squirrels and opossums and raccoons and snakes with one hand while drinking a beer with the other.

    I'll take .243 at 150 yards, Alex. I'll only need one shell, but give me three so I can make them dance first.

    Or better yet, how about cameras? They still believe that shit steals their soul. Assuming they aren't completely ugly (which they probably are), I'll get the easiest fuck of my life. And be able to record it for posterity's/hilarity's sake.
     
  9. KIMaster

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    Alt Focus-

    Is this article serious? It seems like a joke. There is no way tiny Chinese girls versed in kung fu can beat up any decent-sized, average strength male possessing even the most rudimentary of fighting ability.

    However, they seem quite ugly, so it's likely a move to drum up interest from the opposite sex. Note that instead of having a fight directly, the guys must first go through some archaic archery contest, and carry a heavy weight. Clever little horse-faced midgets!
     
  10. NickAragua

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    Dude, have you never played Street Fighter? That Chun-Li chick could kick a field goal with both your balls at a hundred yards!

    FOCUS:

    I spent several years studying Uechi Ryu in high school and college. It was a fairly practical style, mostly just basic punches, blocks and kicks, none of this "spinning backflip triple kick" bullshit. It was a pretty good source of stress relief at the time, and I still remember the basics.

    ALT FOCUS:

    I admire these girls' attitude, and if I wasn't horribly out of shape and married, I'd totally take them up on their challenge.
     
  11. lhprop1

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    I win. Do I get to choose which molecule I marry?
     

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  12. Racer-X

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    Focus: I've practiced Tae Kwon Do for about 7 years now. I'm currently on a break because I tore my acl and had surgery about 5 weeks ago. The school that I attend isn't really a traditional olympic-style TKD school. We try to be a little bit more balanced as far as technique goes. I agree with the previous poster about the validity of forms; you have to recognize that the traditional stances and series of moves is a training tool.

    I got my girlfriend into TKD a few years back and we sparred a few times. She never got to the point where she could beat me, but she liked to try. We haven't sparred since we broke up; the first time we fight should be interesting.

    Alt-focus: I'd give it a shot. I'd probably pick open hand, because who wants a wife with bullet holes (assuming a bullet hole isn't fuckable like a colostomy bag hole)?
     
  13. ghettoastronaut

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    I've done some very rudimentary dabbling in MMA type stuff. Mostly just drills where you start off in the guard and the other person rolls you over, or basic stuff like trying to get someone to the ground. Also, triangle chokes, which were awesome. I found it suspiciously homoerotic. I also weigh ~155 pounds, so muscular strength isn't my forte, as it were. Now, if I had to fight someone by out-jogging them, then bring it on motherfucker.

    I really wouldn't mind knowing some kind of combat sport to a modest level. Partly for the ability to defend yourself, partly for the sake of sport itself, plus it's a really unique form of competition you don't get in other sports.

    As for these ladies' challenge, give me a racket and some warmed up squash balls.
     
  14. Superfantastic

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    How funny would it be if a dude didn't want to marry them but just REALLY wanted to beat up a girl without consequence?
     
  15. effinshenanigans

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    Does going to a friend's karate birthday party when I was 9 count?

    Alt. Focus:

    These girls should've set forth some better ground rules. A handful of cayenne pepper and a cattle prod would put both of these chicks down real easy. Let them get in close and blast them in the open eyes with the pepper. Then just taze them from a safe distance until they've had enough. In about 30 seconds, you've bagged yourself some mediocre Asian chicks.
     
  16. Samr

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    Remember though: whatever you choose to use (example: pepper spray and cattle prod), they will also have to use against you. Ideally it'd be something that suits your strengths, while at the same time leaves them complete useless.

    I think the safest bets are probably: baseballs (girls can't throw as far or hard), demolition derby (women can't drive), beer drinking contest or even saki bombs if you want to be fair, or democracy and capitalism and see who can make the most money and earn the most votes in the shortest period of time
     
  17. Elset

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    I'm no expert on demolition derbies, but wouldn't being prone to running into things work in their favor here?
     
  18. effinshenanigans

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    Says the guy who suggested firearms...

    But ok, I'll play. Going by the second part of your post (you have to use something that benefits you but it useless to them), I'd choose to fight them with my dick. By their rules, they have to battle with the same thing. I see that scenario playing out in one of two ways: 1) I win by default, and prove to them that kung fu and face masks is no match for a quick wit, or 2) one or both them has a dick and can probably fight with it better than I can, leaving me (hilariously) screwed and with severe, dick-shaped contusions.
     
  19. goodfornothing

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    You know what is funny?

    Watching our high school's freshmen 103 lb wrestler get torn apart by a senior female wrestler -- in front of a home crowd nonetheless. I actually felt embarrassed for the kid, I may have shielded my eyes -- it was hard to watch.
     
  20. lust4life

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    I never took a lesson, but I practiced a lot of drunken boxing. Now, it's more martial arts & crafts, like making little ninja warriors out of construction paper and elbow macaroni. I have to fight the kids for fridge door space.