Why my weiner hurts

I felt this thread could be informative, helpful and funny.

Most of us have been through college or are in it presently. I know we have all been sexually active and a little daring or we would not be on this thread.

FOCUS: have you ever had an STD? Explain the story and the symptoms.

I had crabs once my freshman year. I was drinking tons and sleeping with everything I could get my hands on. When I came home for Thanksgiving I had to be tested for a peptic ulcer, this resulted in My Dr. squealing on me about booze and nicotine. I also had to come clear with the old man about the horrendous scratching I was going through.

He looked at me and said "What the fuck are you doing up there??

Then he took me to the Pharmacy and got me RIDx. It's a shampoo with a very tiny fro-pick. Sadly I also slept with a girl on break, I used a condom but well that doesn't help with crabs. About two years later I seriously dated one of her friends and we got into a conversation about STD's and what not, she told me how "Mary" (the girl I was with) had gotten crabs before. I just looked at her and said Really I would have never guessed!


If shegirl sot on me about stupid Olympics I'm sure she will be absolutely thrilled with this one.

 

I once worked at the pharmacy near the military college. Nuff said.

 

I had originally put that I was as clean as the driven snow. Then I remembered when I had scabies, and changed my answer.

Scabies are basically like Termites for your skin. They burrow through the outer layers of skin creating ultra itchy thick calluses.

I got scabies on my hands. I was in the 6th grade. Really, I wish I had a funny / awesome story about how I was pulling down tail when I was 12 but in reality my hands just started itching one day, and didn't stop for a week. My doctor looked at me funny as he told me I had scabies. Later I was mortified to learn that they are a common STD.

The cure was relatively simple, but terrifying at the time. I got prescribed a big bottle filled with viscous orange poison. It literally said that it was a poison on the bottle. In the shower I had to cover everything (not just my hands) with the orange goo and stand there for a couple minutes. Later I (my mom) had to wash all my clothes and sheets with a special detergent.

 

Ten bucks please.

I have genital warts, gifted to me by an ex girlfriend. I don't hide that from any of my sexual partners, and I insist on protection being used. To date, disclosing it has had no negative impact. Most people have already come into contact with a strain of the virus, I'm just an unlucky simp who has the skin type and an immune system that is more reactive.


And scabies doesn't count as an STD (no, I haven't had it, but the girlfriend who gave me warts did years later).

 

I have had a good scare.

A few years back I got on the drugs, took a girl I barely knew home and we fucked all night.

When I woke up a day or so later I was sick and I had red itchiness on my dick and near my balls. I was sure that I had the AIDS or something so I took off down to the doctor who did a few tests and told me they would call me to come in for the results in a few days. The few days sucked and with each passing hour I was more certain that I had something nasty.

In the end turns out I was clean as a whistle and had basically just skinned it raw and the drugs had lowered my immune system so I caught a nasty cold.

Scared me into using a condom on the next girl at least.

 

You mean you'd take the time to think of an excuse other than "I don't want shit growing on my dick"?

Not to be disrespectful to anyone that has to deal with this, but fuck. I wouldn't need an excuse after hearing that, and I'd be gone in a matter of seconds.

 

At 25, I have never been tested. I know, I know, terrible right?
My logic is pretty simple: I have never been symtomatic, I (almost) always use protection, and I fairly regulaly take broad spectrum anti-biotics. If I do have anything, its not effecting my life and I dont care. I'll get tested if i ever am symptomatic.

 

At 19, I made a questionable sexual decision and got a big, wake-the-fuck up scare regarding AIDS. I fucked a girl I shouldn't have, and a few weeks later, I was told by her to get tested. I was scared utterly shitless. Logic held no remedy (I used a condom the entire time). I went to my doc, plopped down and got tested for EVERYTHING. Blood, urine, skin cell swab, everything. I sat and let my family doctor lecture me about STD's while checking my junk for anything that might signal I was carrying something. I quizzed this elderly man on every crotch cricket I had heard of. My mom's insurance footed the bill, and it was fun explaining to her and my father why I felt I needed these exams all of the sudden.

For a while, when I was not being monogamous I got this round of testing done every year. I found a way to need a physical (rugby, jobs, renewing medications, etc.) and I asked to include an STD battery. This shit was not cheap, but it provided peace of mind and kept me honest with girls I fucked. That annual act changed my sexual activities for the better.

I had my share of pregnancy scares, I even had a girl tell me that her ex boyfriend's AIDS test had a no result (which meant contaminated test sample, but we all got checked anyway), but that first one was exactly what I needed to realize that my penis was not a merry-go-round and I needed to be honest and realistic about what I was doing.

 

In order:

- That's correct.
- I don't take home girls from bars. The last one night stand I had was pre-infection. I'm socially retarded in knowing if any girl is interested in me, so I've never been in the situation to take a random home (the one night stand was a hook up through friends and she made the moves). I realise that at least part of that is the moral requirement that I will not sleep with a girl without full disclosure.

Since I contracted them (10 years ago, happy anniversary to me!) I've had 10 partners excluding my "donor". The prevailing response has been "don't care". Most even didn't care about using protection, and it was my insistence that it be used. When it's been in a monogamous relationship, the protection has usually been dispensed with at the girl's instigation. Either way, when they come up I treat them and stop relations until it's all healed.

 

One of my co-workers in college wanted my nuts in a bad way. Always suggesting we go out drinking, innuendos, etc.

It was flattering, but she was fat and not particularly attractive beyond that. So I took it in stride. Come to think of it, she was probably the only girl I turned down in college. There was zero interest on my end, but I did fuck her slimmer, significantly more attractive friends.

Fast forward to 2010, I find her and a few of my old friends on Facebook. I find out my ex-admirer married a guy she met on a herpes dating sight. So I dodged a big one there. If I was ever going to contract an STD, it'd better be worth it.


So to the infected out there, have you ever tried one of those specialty dating websites? I guess it's an ice breaker.

Do you sync up your flare-ups so you know when to stay home?

 

Actually, a large percentage of the American population has some form of HPV; I think it's around 70%. I know this because several years ago two of my friends contracted it (separately, with different guys). I went with them to Planned Parenthood when they freaked out over finding junk on their junk.

Most strains of it don't cause genital warts, and I think one of my friends only had the initial outbreak. Most male carriers never show symptoms. The PP nurse broke it down like this: If you've had unprotected sex, there's a pretty good chance you've come into contact with some strain of HPV.

So, you could very well have genital warts and not even know it. Happy fucking!

Focus: Once, I found a bump on my ladyparts. I started freaking out and went to Planned Parenthood. The doctor laughed at me and informed me it was an ingrown hair. But, there is nothing worse than convincing yourself you have AIDS, herpes, HPV, the clap all rolled into one little bump.

 

Does this bother everyone else like it does me? Why the FUCK would someone not care to use protection? I know people exactly like this. Blows my mind. The biological urge for sex never overrides my desire to keep stalactites off my cock.

I've got trust issues to begin with, and I had one good scare that didn't help those issues at all. Dodged the bullet about 3 times since. I've had fucking snotty discharge on my fingers and the girl just sat there smiling, asking "Are we going to have sex yet?" Fuck you.

Only one of those instances did a girl tell me she was infected. That was impossible. Imagine a tiny black haired girl, extremely pretty and legitimately funny; she's in your arms whispering shit in your ear all night, kissing, cuddling, just disgustingly lovey-dovey behavior. Then the STD bombshell. Well fuck, I'll wear a condom, I'll be washing my hands after, no oral. My brain kicks in, starts psyching me out. What if the condom breaks, what if it's defective, what about contamination? You'll never be rid of it, your shit will be on fire forever. There was little chance I'd get something, but I backed out anyway. Couldn't do it.

 

No, I haven't had it, but I am curious as to why crabs is considered a sexually transmitted disease. I get the sexually transmitted part, but why is it considered a disease? It seems no more a disease than if you got head lice from using your partner's pillow, or picked up bed bugs.

I'm perfectly clean, but my junior year of undergrad I did get mono from a ridiculously hot red head (at least, ridiculously hot given my fairly average looks). About a year later, a friend of mine in law school called me to say he had a professor with the same last name as the girl who gave me mono. Yeah, I got it from a law professor's daughter.

 

I jumped on a grenade for a buddy once. Does shame count as an STD? I mean, I felt like shit for a couple of days and needed a lot of medicine, i.e., scotch, to get over it.

 

One of my all time favorite advice board threads from the RMMB was from a guy that had AIDS, and didn't understand why women wouldn't sleep with him. I hope he comes and posts here. I think he has less of a chance of getting laid than Hot Wheelz.

I thought I caught one once. After a trip to the free clinic, I had to a q-tip shoved up my pee hole. That whole experience was enough to make me never want to fuck without a condom again. Luckily it came back clean! But I have a feeling the test is worse than the disease. I cringed so hard typing this.