Rave: From the Incredible, just to round out the list. Rave: Katy Perry's tittays. Rant: Katy Perry's face.
Rave: I just finished season 5 of The Wire. Rant: I just finished season 5 of The Wire, and I have the inability of watching things twice. I feel like I just died in the arms of my one and only love. I really wish that was the last TV series I've ever watched. Now I'll be like every other jaded TV hyper-critic comparing everything besides Two and a Half Men to The Wire. Son of a bitch. I used to be able to enjoy Heroes. Fuck.
Rant: my PTSD was apparently worse than I thought. My therapist is very good, but by her own admission does not believe that medicine should be used in parallel with therapy, except in extreme circumstances, the number of which she could count on one hand. Rave: Apparently, I was one of those extreme cases. And the psychiatrist I went to, after making me fill out a short novel's worth of questionnaires, basically loaded me up with two very different and quite potent happy pills, in three different forms (extended-release throughout the day, immediate release, and extremely long-term). She also gave me specific instructions that while the directions said one thing, to double or even triple the dosage as necessary. After a few days of doing the minimal dosage and still showing somewhat major symptoms, I upped it to the lower end of what she said might be necessary. I haven't felt this "normal" in years. I almost forgot what it's like, actually. Rant: Apparently, the medicine does not mix well with alcohol. As in, it doesn't mix, period. Even so much as two beers combined with the minimal amount of medicine turns me into a raging, ultra violent, self-destructive, blackout lunatic. I am very afraid of what this means for my future: I can no longer drink alcohol, of any type, period. I'm gonna be the guy who had to turn sober at 22. It was never a "problem," and I never drank to get drunk. However, I did drink to relieve stress, and used it as a social lubricant (which the medicine is now taking the place of, except 100 times better). Most importantly, however, is that I liked the taste of booze. A cold coke on a summer day just doesn't have the same relief factor as an Arrogant Bastard or fresh margarita. For me, though, this all will be worth it in the end. As-is, my PTSD isn't doing my wife or I any favors, it's already creating real-life problems, and by the time we have kids, I'd like to be able to go see them be born without having to take 4mg of xanax just to walk through hospital door. Sobriety is going to suck, worse I'm sure than I can ever imagine, but when your every day mindset is that "God's been trying to kill me for years now and he just sucks at doing it," well, maybe sobriety is worth the alternative.
Rave: I'm buzzed/drunk Rant: My best friend/roommates girlfriend is being a bitch. "Why don't you just go hang out and fuck Durej all night then" Really? He's been drinking he called you for sex tonight and to drink if you wanted, since you didn't want to drink it was the latter. I don't really care about that its the fact that she tries to put us against each other. Rant: Fuck my neighbor I just want to kick the soccer ball around at midnight is that wrong? Apparently so here is how the conversation went if you wish to read: Spoiler Old lady "Um just so you kids know we are part of the neighborhood watch. So just so you know the park closes at dusk and you keeping us awake" (I am ready to just kick the ball in the driveway now because i fell bad) Roommate and I "Oh OK sorry we will head back to our house then" Old lady "Yea cause my mom is trying to sleep she's 88 so..." (OK sympathy I feel bad were are about to leave) Roommate "Yea we are just gonna head home then" Old lady "My husband is a retired police officer so.." (I don't like be threatened, especially when we are leaving already and I'm drunk) Durej: "OK we got it!" (obviously she got the hint that time) and we proceeded to go further back away from her house to continue play. Fuck her!!! I didn't want to be a dick to her but she was being a real bitch I was ready to go once she said we were too loud but NO she had to make a point and threaten us. Rant/Rave: I'm writing this drunk I cant wait for the responses. Plus I will probably feel bad in the morning...well we will see. haha
Rant: Here's to you, stupid girl from the 8th or 9th floor who absolutely had to force your way onto an already crowded elevator that was clearly going DOWN only to make it immediately known that you wanted to go UP to the 18th floor of the building.
It`s been awhile, and lots has changed. Rant: My Mom passed away on Sunday, July 11 at 4:45 PM local time at a Hospice in BC. Her funeral was held last Friday and over 200 people were on hand. It was an incredibly difficult day, but one that I will never forget. When my Mom was diagnosed with Abdominal cancer in late April, we were told to prepare for this type of thing. As time went by her condition got notably worse, and when I went home again in Mid-June it was to say goodbye. I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. But I admit that at this point I feel a great deal of sadness and frustration. I've done my best to surround myself with friends, and keep myself busy, and for the most part it has helped. I can honestly say that the situation would be far more devastating if not for the constant support that I've received from friends, co-workers and of course my girlfriend. I anticipate that the next handful of weeks will be the toughest. I realize that there is much to celebrate, and I hope that my family and I can find the appropriate closure sooner than later. My Mom was an amazing woman who left her finger-prints on a lot of people's lives. Her memory will never die, and I am so thankful for the 25 years that I had with her. I will miss her laughter, her attitude, her warmth and her support. I am blessed to have had her for a Mother. If you feel compelled, give your own Mom a hug or a phone-call. It's true that you never realize how much someone meant to you until they're gone. Don't take your family for granted,and make sure you love one another through thick and thin. Thanks to all of you who have kept my family in your thoughts and prayers. Rave(ish): Her passing has forced me to get my shit together. I`ve been eating healthier, working out more and drinking a lot less (surprisingly). I know that`s what she would want me to be doing. Rave: The girlfriend got to meet all of the family and friends, and she killed it. She left a good impression with everybody, and for that I am pleased. Rave: I start an actual vacation on Friday. I`ll be heading back to B.C. to spend time with my Dad, my cousin from England, and a ton of friends. We`ll be golfing, eating well, and heading to Seattle for a couple of ball-games. I`m trying to keep things positive.
RANT: 2 more days at this stupid bank. It's going to be sooo slow. RAVE: It's always nice when I hear from her unexpectedly.
Rave.Ish: For a funeral, it was beautiful. Not necessarily the occasion but the amount of love that this woman's family had for her. I simmered down and began to appreciate that she really suffered from major mental illness and addiction. The boy went with me and we wept together. Afterwards we had the most intense and deep conversation about what matters. Make every moment count today, you never know when your world will go sideways.
Rant: I either have really shitty allergies I have never had in my life or I have had some sort of fucking virus for like at least two months. Cons: My throat is totally fucked and I feel like shit a lot of the time. Pros: Because of said throat being fucked, when I smoked a bowl it feels like I have virgin lungs and I cough up a fierce fucking storm, thus getting ridiculously marijuananated. Which is exactly what I need after a graveyard shift so I can fall asleep with the light outside. Pros > Cons Somehow this turned into a rave.
Rave: There is a new liquor store that's a stone's throw from my building. Rave: He's open until 9 every night (9 is the cut-off in CT, but yet still some idiots close at 8 anyway--fuck them). Rave: The store is small, but really nice and with a decent selection. Biggest Rave of all: After talking to the guy and introducing myself (since we'll be seeing each other on a frequent basis, I'm sure) he told me that next year he plans to open a microbrewery in the basement. Apparently he bought/rent more of the building than just the store. If all goes well for him, I'm going to have a fucking microbrewery basically at my doorstep. Needless to say, I've been promoting his store like crazy. This guy needs to succeed.
RAVE: Finally starting to get serious about running again. With a month left till the season I gotta start gettin at it again. Ran 18 miles in the last two days. RAVE: Something good actually came out of cleaning today. I found some sweet shit that I forgot I even had. Found some unopened comic books from the early 90's. Two doctor strange ones and a Superman one. Found some money from other countries that I had. Mostly forms of dollars, but I found this sweet old 50 dollar bill that has Abe Lincoln on it. I also found some old basketball cards and some really old coins. Two of them were from the 1800's. Got a Half-dime from 1853 and a Dollar bill coin from 1898. Pretty frickin sweet. RANT: Skunks are starting to infest the fuck out of my town. While out on a run last night I seen three within a 30 foot radius. Insane, not to mention one of them was all-white and looked scary as fuck.
Rave: Were on vacation this past week, and while on the hotel's lazy river ran into none other than Mark Cuban. Surprisingly nice guy, and when I asked if the hotel river's water was cleaner than the Riverwalk he so famously insulted a few years prior, he laughed and responded that it has gotten cleaner because of his comments. I still hate the Mavs with every bone in my body, but I am a Cuban fan.
Rave/Rant: Hypertensive cardiomyopathy. A rave because it could have been a whole lot worse. A rant because I'm now forced to make a lot of lifestyle changes with quitting smoking at the top of the list. It's the last of my addictions, but by far the most gripping (I've been smoking for 35 years, 2+ packs/day for the majority of that time). I've met people in recovery who swear kicking nicotene was harder than kicking crack, meth and heroin. My doctor suggested accupuncture, saying that of those patients he's referred to an accupuncturist, better than 60% have had 100% success. As he put it, "It's Chinese medicine. I don't understand it, I don't practice it, but I can't argue with the results." I like this guy. Nice to find a doctor who talks to me rather than at me. Anyone ever do the accupuncture thing?
Rave: It rained pretty hard yesterday, and since I ride my bike to work when I emailed the boss man he said I didn't have to come in. This meant that I got to spend a day on my own at the house, cleaned my room, got shit done, and then settled in for two hours or so of CoD:MW2. I also got to cook up a purrty fancy meal for a bit outside of the usual pasta with meat sauce or sausage...and then I watched Chopped on the food network before going to bed. All in all I had a great time by myself for the first time in 3 weeks. Rant: Realized I had forgotten to go into my hospital volunteering job last week, the first time this summer it happened. I feel like I may have left Thom out to dry without me. [He was fine...but still!] I will be apologetic. Rave: Lake this weekend. Not my house or boat, so I don't have to worry about fucking something up...which is nice. Rave: Beach in two weeks. Rave: My pasty ass is finally going to get some sort of color. Just in time for the end of summer.
Rant: A slight hangover well deserved if I may add. Rave: Before my previous post we did spend a good portion of last night watching Chappelle show so that was nice. Rant: Even though it was just me and my roommate we still managed to mess up the house. Hooray for cleaning hung over. Rave: Downloaded Final Fantasy 7 on the PS3 my soon to be hangover cure.
SuperMegaFuckingRave!!!: Got the job in LA. Gonna give Ohio the finger and the door won't hit me on the ass on the way out. The Girl is very excited. So...yeah. 2 weeks to quit my job, break my lease, pack my shit again, and almost to the day, leave the Midwest. Again, anyone who feels the urge to move to this part of the world, ask Frebis, I should've listened to him. Rant: Not a motherfucking thing!!!
Rave: SMS messages I recieved from my wife last night - 'Holy shit, she can breathe through her fucking ears!' 'So she looked up at me and said 'I should really pull my finger out and do some study'' Rant: This communication was done via SMS because I was told to take my time at the Gym last night, so my wife could molest her new girlfriend without me. Bitches.