Can someone tell me why lifeguards are such assholes? Is that a prerequisite for the job, or are they trained to bahave that way? I was going to mention this yesterday, but I was dog-tired. When my son and I went to a public pool, this is the treatment we recieved: -we were not allowed to hang onto the side of the pool. -He could not jump off of my shoulders (into the water, while I was in shoulder-deep water) -I could not dive into the deep end of the pool (9 feet deep) UNLESS I dove off of the 1-foot high diving board. -No one was allowed to do a head-first dive off of the diving board. -L'il Bandit could not ride on my back in the water, even though I was standing head-and-shoulders above the water level. The lifeguards on duty wouldn't give me an explaination for any of this; they simply retorted "That is against the rules." And despite all of this "safety" bullshit they were trying to push on the patrons, I saw one lifeguard push another into the water. That is the same kind of hypocritical behavior I have observed from lifeguards my whole life. FUCK LIFEGUARDS. Hell, I can go to the beach, where there are sharks, stingrays, jellyfish, undertows and rip-tides, but there are no lifeguards. If anything wouldn't a public pool be the safest place you could swim?! Here is an excerpt from my blog about groups of people I can do without: 2. Lifeguards. Sorry folks, but I haven't met a lifeguard yet that wasn't a full time cunt rag, on and off the job. Like security guards, they are on this insane powertrip because of their pseudo-authority. They are constantly blowing their whistles, stopping people from having fun at the pool. And like security guards, they never do what their title says; when is the last time you saw a lifeguard save anyone? Really. Oh wow, you took a 6 hour training course on how to do CPR. Blow me. Oh, and I have a funny story dealing with lifeguards. A few years back, I was going to the pool, but before the fuckwad, I mean lifeguard, would let me in, she demanded that I show her the crotch netting on my swimsuit. Despite my repeated requests for explaination, she would not clarify the reason why this was necessarry. So I showed her something alright; I showed her my swimsuit netting by completely pulling down the front of my shorts, exposing not only the netting in question, but my gear as well. She was shocked. She called her supervisor, and they didn't let me into the pool that day. But I did accomplish something : from that day forward, they never asked me or anyone else to show netting again. Here is the response I got from a girl I personally know who was a lifeguard (though I seriously don't know how she got the job, as she struck me as being too small to save anyone (really, she was less than 5 feet tall and weighed about 100 pounds): "Okay I pretty much can agree with you on most of these with the exception of the lifeguard one. And probably only because I was a lifeguard and it's one of the most tiring and stressfull jobs anyone can have.(Or that I've had). First off ...It's our job to have authority over people in the water because if some one acts up and accidentally(horse playing etc.) kills someone else (by drowning) then it's our ass for not paying attention. Can you imagine what that could do to someones brain. I'd be fucked up for life if I knew someone died because of me just because I didn't want to be "authoritative". Second....blowing our wistles is the only way for us to grab someones attention example...the stupid idiot in the water doing something along the lines of laying through 4 or 5 inner tubes at once...when those things are totally dangerous if not used correctly. I've seen a woman almost drown because she floated upside down while doing that. Her face was under water and feet were in the air and was stuck in the tubes....if it hadn't been for one of my fellow life guards...she wouldn't be here. The only times I had to blow my whistle is when the stupid little kids kept running everywhere when clearly concrete...wet concrete isn't the best place to run. Hear the whistle....pay attention to rules...no problems right? Don't act up and that won't happen. If you want to act up at a pool....go to a private one...where no lifeguards are involved. And lastly....lifeguards have tremendous responsiblities. Everyone's life is in your hands at all times. Lifeguards have to always be on their guard no matter what. Try standing in the heat of hell for sometimes 8 hours a day with little rest. (Thats what I did. I worked at Super Splash) We couldn't sit down and we had to wait and wait for our breaks to come up to rest. Our lifeguards saved lives everyday...little kids that without our help would have been dead. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Think of it this way...would you rather have something aweful happen to someone you love....or have an extra pair of eyes watching him/her incase yours fail to. Don't ever underestimate the importance of a lifeguard...God forbid you'd ever need one...but if one day you do...I promise you won't feel the same about them."
Rave: A nice rare steak, the most delicious chocolate milk in the world and True Blood downloading. It speaks for itself, really.
Rant: Dockers lost yesterday. Back to back loses for the first time this season. Rave: Off to Bali for a week tomorrow! Can't wait.
Rave: New avatar. I'm gonna let Leon do the dirty work for awhile. Keep that in mind when you bring the red dots, fucker. Rant: Moving dramas all weekend. I'll be so glad to have this behind me. Rave: Good television tonight and I'm healthy.
RAVE: Every fuckin' day. How good is life in Florida? Hot as balls, but God damn this is the life. RAVE: I officially have the house in the woods. Gonna paint up a sign, 'we shoot first and call the cops later.' RAVE: Iron Works Fitness in Sanford Florida is the SHIZZNIT! On the rare occasion someone is doing bent over rows or something similar in the squat rack, they know to move when someone wants to do actual squats. Fuck you Planet Fitness and your lunk alarm. I've been an Iron Works member a few years with quite a few gyms in between on my travels. That place cannot be touched. RAVE: WE'RE GETTING THE LEAGUE BACK TOGETHER!!! Just signed up. I think this is our sixth or seventh year at least. RAVE: Being alone. It's really fuckin' nice. I am so happy after being miserable for so long it's unbelievable. RANT: I'm just waiting for something bad to happen now...
Rave: A Busted driver side windshield wiper and an unexpected sever thunderstorm with some torrential downpour this morning turned into having the morning off. Rant: Wish I would have known this before I got up and got ready for work, I would love to still be in bed right now.
Rave of all Raves- After 3 years of battling infertility and IVF gone bad, we've finally been picked for adoption!! We've had false alarms before, but it has all gone through and we have to board a plane this weekend for Houston. We're staing with family in Dallas afterwards, as we have to stay in the state for 10 days. This may ruin my cynicism for good. Any recommendations for good eats in Dallas/Houston?
Rave: NyQuil. No sneezing, coughing, stuffy nose, itching, bitching, uncontrollable farting, random eye ticks, uneven tire wear, or poltergeist haunting. Rant: NyQuil. It's nearly 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm just now feeling like I don't want to sleep on the nearest thing I can find that will support my head. Monday mornings are always really busy and it would've been awesome if I wasn't feeling like I just came out of a coma. Rave: Went to MD this weekend to see family and brought back a bunch of Yuengling.
Super Rant: Fuck you Africa! Fuck you! If you're African Fuck you! Sure you had to go through colonialism but that's no reason to fuck up our world cup! Just shut up! Stick those Vuvuzelas up your ass! Rave: Italy vs Paraguay!!
Rave: Home inspection on the house tonight. That's the only stipulation in the offer so as long as that goes fine our house will be sold June 30th. We had to take off a little more than we hoped, but for the market I'm still happy to have sold it in less than 2 months. Plus, anything we've lost we will be able to make up on the house we buy. We've only been in the house for 2 years, but it still will be very weird not living there anymore. It's the first house we've lived in together but now it's time for an upgrade.
Rave: Normally I don't use Facebook as a political soapbox, since I don't give a shit what other people think and I don't expect them to give a shit about what I think. I'll keep this short here in respect of the no politics rule, but this was too funny not to share. I posted a link to the story about Arizona wanting to pass another immigration bill, this time making it where children born in the US to illegal immigrants aren't citizens even though they're born on American soil. So far I've received one comment saying "Check the facts, Abby..." The person who commented has 5 children, none of whom have a legal birth certificate or social security cards (with the exception of one who got hers after she had grown and moved out.) So, by definition, her children aren't legal citizens. I find this amusing. edit: Throw in a "They took our jobs" comment for the win! Rave: I don't go into work until 4:30 this afternoon and it was nice to sleep in this morning. There's nothing better than getting up when it's actually light outside. Also, work is much more bearable knowing that I shouldn't be there much longer. The best part is that I cover all the vacations and there are several vacations in the next few months that they'll have to scramble around to fill once I'm gone. I may not be able to walk out with my middle fingers in the air, but that's close enough for me. Rant: I need to clean the house and do laundry so I can begin gathering all the things I'm taking with me if I ever manage to get a job in the town I plan on moving to.
Rave: Have a promising lead on a job in LA. If everything works out, I can give Ohio the finger and get back to where the people are normal,(as normal as LA people can be). Good job, great company, and more importantly, I am back in the West Coast where I belong. Rantish: It's not Seattle, but it'll do. Rant: Seem to have caught some feelings for a chick I grew up with, have been talking pretty regularly and she is incredibly alluring, in all respects. Problem: She lives in TX. Shit.
Rant: I spent Saturday to Sunday at a cabin in middle-of-nowhere Wisconsin with my husbands whole family. He is one of six kids, and all of them have their own children. My husband's brother called us 5 minutes before we get to the cabin (after a 4 hour drive) that both of his kids have lice. I wanted to turn around so bad, but they promised to keep their kids contained and that they already treated their heads, so it wasn't likely to spread. I spent the entire time following my daughter around making sure that she didn't come into contact with the lice-kids (or their beds, chairs, etc.). They did a terrible job of keeping their kids at bay. They should have just went home instead of exposing everyone else. I got a call last night that one of my other nieces now has lice. I keep checking my daughter's head just to be sure, but I think she is in the clear. My head is feeling really itchy, but I think it's just paranioa. Rant: It's my birthday. I better not have fucking lice, or I am killing someone. My lucky husband is going to have to check my head tonight. I'm sure that will really put him in the mood for a birthday fuck.
Rant: I may be the biggest Leafs fan ever and nothing will ever make me stray from my devotion to them, but holy shit, Phaneuf as captain? Could they have picked a bigger douche? No, no they couldn't have.
Rave: My front porch was a concrete nightmare out of the 70’s and didn’t match the now nicely renovated 1920’s cottage. This sat next to the timber Veranda, so the plan was to box over the concrete and match the timber veranda, I trusted my skills and suspected the job would take about 6 hours. Rave: It looks awesome. Rant: It took about 18 hours. Rave: I bought a $140, 500w hammer-drill for $32, this made dyna-bolting fun.
Rant: Ever want to know what happens when a person on a long board hits pavement? Well, lets just say that up until now, I've never met hamburger that I haven't liked.
Here is a summation of my last two weeks, in chronological order: 1. A torrential downpour which broke a fifty year record flooded my finished basement, ruining the drywall, insulation, carpet, etc. It has since been gutted and needs a complete reno. 2. The problem with my truck has gotten markedly worse, and now it will not start most times that I try. 3. I had a cyst rupture in my 'girl parts,' spent over six hours waiting to see a doctor at the ER, only to be told by both him and the specialist I was sent to later that day that it was "weird," in a "bad location," and if it "happens again come back." 4. Now, to top it all off, the barbecue has run out of propane. *sigh* Things could be worse, I guess.