Rant - Gary Coleman roles a 7 <a class="postlink" href="http://www.sun-sentinel.com/entertainment/news/ktla-gary-coleman-hospitalized,0,6039123.story" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.sun-sentinel.com/entertainme ... 9123.story</a>
Rave: Going to LA for a business related meeting in less than a month. If all goes well, my show will be picked up - or at the very least me as a writer. [Fat chance - I know - but my newest material is really solid, I'm very critical of my work too] Wish me luck TiB.
Rave: I no longer feel like an uncoordinated retard when lifting. It's slow progress for my shoulder, but there is definite improvement. Rave: Abs. I'm looking forward to the bikini. Rave: I adore my new man. He's perfectly in tune to the insanity that is me. Rawr! Rave: Finally starting school again after a break, I can't wait to get back into the grind.
RANT: I have been getting the sense that someone else has been feeding my outdoor cat, because he's been coming home less than usual. I spoke to the old woman who lives downstairs and she mentioned that her neighbor has been 'bonding' with my cat and that he takes him inside and feeds him. I was annoyed, but I figured maybe the guy didn't realize that the cat belongs to me (he has a snap-off safety collar that he lost recently and I haven't had all his tags replaced yet). So I go to speak to the guy, thinking I'll just be cordial and let him know that someone owns the cat. The guy opens the door, and he is the douchiest person I've ever seen. Scrawny, with Ed Hardy tattoos actually tattooed everywhere, a biker mustache and no shirt in 50 degree weather. Not to mention bongs everywhere and an ounce of pot just lying on the ground, so he's clearly not very smart either. I tell him politely not to feed my cat and not to let him inside, thinking this could be a nice civil conversation among neighbors. What does this asshat do? He starts telling me about how the cat is "clearly neglected" because he meows outside to be fed, and he has a knot in his fur. I tell him if he's not feeding him, then the cat won't come around, and he says he will because he obviously likes him better. WHAT THE FUCK. This guy was such an asshole about the whole situation, acting like me asking him NOT TO STEAL MY CAT was like asking him to kill his firstborn for me. He consistently kept saying that he wasn't doing anything wrong, he was just "doing what the cat seems to want." Fuck this guy. If he keeps this shit up, I'm calling the cops or something to get my cat back, and if they happen to notice he lives in a drug den, well, fuck him twice.
RANT: A couple weeks ago I volunteered to help out tomorrow at the YMCA I work at for this big kid's day they're doing tomorrow. Problem is, I forgot about it until now and I made plans to go over to Victoria tomorrow to get high and ride scooters all day, then get drunk and watch the UFC ppv at a strip club. RAVE: Fuck those kids, I'm not going! They can ride the ponies their damn selves! I actually feel kind of bad, but I didn't get any e-mails or reminders or specifics about the event tomorrow, so I'm just going to say I forgot. I'm sorry, but weed+beer+boobs>the happiness of children. You can't argue with math. RAVE: Tomorrow I'm going to be watching boobs and black people fighting at the same time!
Rave: Because of my stellar 2.4 gpa and the impaction of certain majors, I've finally been accepted to CAL STATE BAKERSFIELD!!! It wasn't my first choice of course, but you really stop caring after 8 rejection letters... Just gotta work my ass off now while I'm there and get into a better grad school.
RANT: FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!! Fuck me sideways...rather, don't fuck me sideways, don't fuck me at all. About the young girl: Spoiler My own girlfriend doesn't even want to and neither I, nor anyone I know, could tell me why. It's fucking disturbingly mind blowing how fucked up this shit is. We hooked up twice this past weekend when I took her to see her best friend in Texas, a 1500mi round trip for us; but no matter what I try now or say or do or any-fucking-thing, she always has some fucking excuse. I'm fucking dying here and there's abso-fucking-lutely no reason why I should be. This relationship is so...I don't know, I don't have the words for it...fucked doesn't do it justice because there is no fucking, messed up doesn't work because it's in no way messy...I...don't know. Last night she cooked dinner for me and my roommate, and her excuse was that her hair looked bad and she didn't have any makeup on. Tonight, I cooked dinner for her with wine and everything and was all sweet and shit and we watched fucking Zack and Miri Make a Porno to put all those underlying thoughts into her mind....nope. Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. My roommate was helping me out to the max by telling her her hair looked good and other stuff and he even went as far as PICKING HER UP AND THROWING HER ON MY BED and locking the fucking door on her and me. Yes it was a little weird the first 2 seconds, but I know what to do in the bedroom and I did everything right. EVERYTHING!!! What the fuck? Help me out people. I'm dying here.
Rave: Prison Break Season 1 Rant/Rave: Prison Break Season 2 Rant: Prison Break Season 3 Rave: Alcohol always in season!!! Rant/Rave: Still sick but I'm drowning it with booze.
BIGGEST FUCKING RAVE OF MY LIFE RAVE RAVE RAVE RAVE RAVE RAVE RAVE HUGE FUCKING RAVE: So I meet up with a friend of mine who has another friend who need a ride. He called her up and asked her if she could help him out. She didn't have her car with her because I was driving her. It was only like 3 miles away and he said he's throw me ten dollars in gas. I tell her "sure, I'll give him a ride". Let me tell you, good deeds sometimes do fucking pay off. The guy I was giving a ride to worked at a telemarketing place. His car was in the shop and he was just finishing up work so we go inside the building and chill for a few minutes. I walk in, my friend introduces both of us to each other and the guy I just met introduces me to his boss. So all four of us are just sitting around shooting the shit while the guy we were giving a ride to finishes up so paper work. To make a long story shot the owner/boss and the other guy ask me about myself. I tell them all about me and they ask where I work. I tell them I work at Circle K (it's a gas station, I don't know if they're nationwide.) The boss offers me a job. "Cool. He seems like a straight fucking guy. I actually might take him up on it." Well, he explains to me that I get paid 11 dollars an hour (3 more than I'm making now). On top of the 3 an hour I also get 40% commission on whatever I sell. "Sounds pretty fucking good now. I want this job." He shows me the board where everyone puts up their numbers. Guess what the lowest commission of this week was. MOTHER FUCKING $450 DOLLARS. COMMISSION. NOT $450 DOLLARS WORTH OF UNITS. $450 COMMISSION. "I REALLY REALLY WANT THIS FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Guess what the highest commission for this week alone was?? THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS I'm not going to lie, I ejaculated in my pants a little bit. I don't mention this to the owner, but tell him I'd would very much appreciate the opportunity to work for him. He laughs at me and tells me to stop being a kiss ass. I start on Tuesday. It would take something huge to bring my mood down tonight. Everyone at the office says the boss is cool as shit. My first impression verifies that. But I don't know and don't care. It'd be a bonus, but I'll just about lick his asshole clean for this kind of money. I'm a 19 years old college student. I've only worked minimum wage jobs and only have a high school diploma. I'm glowing. I'm soo happy right now. I don't remember the last time I was this happy. 450-3000 dollars a WEEK!!! rant: Once summer ends, I'll have to give it up when I move back to school. But I'm going to work there until the last goddamn hour I have. small rant: I kind of like my co-workers. But oh well. Fuck them HUGE RAVE: Wednesday I'll have the satisfaction of telling my fat cunt boss to shove the two cartons of cigarettes she smokes a day up her huge ass. My quitting story will be a fucking legend. My ,ind is racing with possibilites. I might piss in her office. I might break her fucking windshield. Maybe I'll just fucking murder the stupid bitch* *It's a joke. I'm not going to harm her or do anything illegal. But whatever I do I'm going to make sure I call her a fat disgusting piece of shit that no men find desirable. I'm going to try to destroy her emottionally as much as I can in my quitting speech. I'm going to do it in front of the 1-5 shift which has the most customers and two other co-workers on duty plus her. I promise you I will try as hard as I can to hurt he emotionally and drive her to the ice cream carton. I don't know whether I'm more excited about the new job or fucking over the cunt at my current one. I. AM. SO. HAPPY. TODAY. HAVE A GREAT MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!! edit: I meant 1-5 shift
RAVE: Four day weekend. Got Tuesday off. RAVE: Friend/foe option. Enjoyed using that for the first time.
Rave: At the cottage. Nuff said. Beautiful night last night. It was quiet, no bugs, loons calling, a few glasses of wine. Magical. I'm about to head out and try to snag a rainbow. Rant Wife had too much too drink, AGAIN, and is now badly hungover. That means she's not going to drink tonight, which sucks a bag of dicks. Nothing ruins a night more than trying to relax with a few drinks with a teetotaler giving you the hairy eyeball. After close to 4 decades on God's green earth, how do you not know you limit?
RANT: Sure, I'll drive 2 hours cause you're lazy. RANT: Sure, I'll go ahead and rush my day so I can get an oil change to drive that 2 hours. RANT: No, I don't need gas money. RAVE: I'm getting fucking stoned on the drive back, Big Lebowski stoned. Life is good.
Rave: Amber's forum from the other thread should have it's own cable channel. The level of unintentional funny is staggering. I'm finding it hard to stop reading. The Bunny would have a fucking stroke over this site, and I know where Durbanite spends his money. (And why he can't seem to get laid.)
Rant: Basement is flooding from two different sides. Double Rant: The FINISHED basement. Who the hell removes a window, boards it up with OSB, then DRYWALLS OVER IT? Like that's going to keep moisture out. /First World Problem Rant: The house is too small for any extra space, so the stuff sitting in the soaked carpet has to remain there because there's nowhere else to put it. Sort of Rave: The Home Depot guy sold me a $249 dehumidifier for $199, because they were all out of the smaller size. So yay me.
RANT: The 12 hours up to my interview yesterday couldn't have been worse. Spoiler A good friend of mine (goes to UW-Madison) was visiting for the weekend and naturally, there's drinking to do. A friend wanted to do 40-hands, however I had to restrain myself because of the interview. We end up going to a house for a small gathering to simply drink and hang out. My buddy has a single gin and tonic, two Steel Reserve 40's, and innumerable beers over the course of a couple hours. He started puking at 11:00. We were all hanging out and then all of a sudden my buddy had disappeared. We found him in the bathroom with puke all over his shirt and him slumped down on the ground in front of the toilet. Passed out as could be. I wake him up with a hard slap across the face and he proceeds to puke in the toilet, on the toilet, on the floor near the toilet, and eventually in the sink. He fell back a couple times too and each time, the edge of the bathtub stopped him. Yep, he whacked the back of his head on the tub both times. I made bratwurst earlier on Thursday afternoon and he yakked up everything. The people living in the house (I don't know them) were nice enough to let him pass out on a mattress. However, he wasn't done puking. He was puking until 3:00 am. He's a heavy bastard too (I'm 170, he's probably 220), so it was a bitch and a half to carry him from the bathroom to the room he stayed in. I had to stay with his ass for fucking hours while he intermittently dry-heaved. He was bad enough that the one thing preventing me from getting his ass to a hospital was the fact that I bought him the fucking booze. Yes, he was that drunk. Like I-am-worried-that-the-bastard-will-die-tonight drunk. I kept trying to get him to drink water the entire time but he couldn't hold a thing down. Every time he passed out hard I'd slap him, just to make sure he was still somewhat conscious. If it was possible to puke on something, he did. We woke up at 7:00 am and he didn't have a clue where he was or what had happened the night before. I tell him the story on the walk home and he laughs it off*. I go back to sleep in my own bed and he passes out on my couch. Fast forward a few hours and I'm getting ready for the interview ironing my shirt and getting a stack of resumes together. The buddy is still puking. I go to leave for my interview a half hour before it starts and I see this: I can't make this shit up. Right before a crucial interview, right after watching a buddy puke all night and getting a grand total of four hours of sleep, I've got a tire on my car flatter than fuck. I just got done putting the spare tire on and pulled a 1" nail out of the flat tire. I lose it. I ran inside and up to another roommates room and luckily he was there. I explained how I had a job interview and my vehicle wasn't going anywhere so he offers me a ride to the place. I called up the guy who would be interviewing me and explained the situation. Without figuring out how to get back home, he drives me there. I arrived 10 minutes late. *Every single time I told him how fucked up he was and how much it sucked taking care of his ass, he laughed it off. Never apologized, said he was sorry, or thanked me once. Fuck that noise. I had a goddamned job interview the morning after staying up late watching his ass and he didn't even thank me. I understand that it's commonplace to be a drunken tool in Madison (and you people know it too), but you don't come to Minnesota and pull that shit. Rave: I got the job! I finally got a fucking internship. The business sells grilling supplies, beer drinking supplies, and pre-seasoned (ridiculously good) brats, chops, chicken, and beef. They do most of their business through direct selling- it's literally a Mary Kay for men. It's a relatively new business so a marketing internship means I will have lots of responsibilities, but I love having the opportunity to actually be in control of things and make real decisions. I will be in charge of sales at farmer's markets and corporate cafeterias and will eventually do more in-depth marketing support for them. The whole place is very laid back and down to earth. Maybe a dozen people working there in total. Minutes after being told I got the job, my boss was making blowjob jokes while introducing me to other employees. They encourage people to bring dogs to work. I'll repeat that: they encourage people to bring dogs to work. They have a couple grills outside for grilling stuff at lunch. Tons of beer everywhere too. I am beyond excited to work at this place. Double rave: My brother applied for the same job a couple years ago and was shot down. Yes, that's right. He's a shining example of a business school douchebag and has made me look like shit for years and finally, I am starting to get even. Rave: The Twins game was good. A typically slow, quiet ball game, but man- Target Field is amazing. Our seats were right over 3rd base up top, so we had a phenomenal view of the ballpark and the downtown skyline. Rave: I am going shooting tomorrow. Getting paid to sight in rifles is awesome. Life is good.