Rave: Just booked the boat for the party and was able to negotiate them down due to prepayment...$120 discount! Rave: I sure as hell hope some of the single girls hit the gym before this shit goes down. Rant: Now I have to collect money from 50 people.
Rant: This is long and it's about a first break up. Need somewhere to just write it down. A while ago I posted here asking advice after cheating on my first time girlfriend, and now we just broke up. Spoiler I guess you could say it started in high school. When other kids started developing self-esteem and hooking up with girls I couldn't because I was embarrassed of myself. I couldn't get ass to save my life, so I drank. A fucking lot. Cue to me leaving my hometown and all my friends to go to college. After 3 semesters and getting laid just twice, I still didn't have much confidence. When my girlfriend and I started hooking up my self esteem and happiness skyrocketed. She was amazing, everything I was looking for if I wanted a relationship. But I wouldn't date her. I wanted to keep myself "available" because all I wanted to do in college was have sex with as many girls as I could to make up for lost time. I thought that would make me happy. We hooked up exclusively the whole semester and both constantly denied we were dating to everyone. We liked each other a lot. A month into the summer, we couldn't deny it any longer. She was my first girlfriend. But I was still so afraid about being tied down. I'd heard people say relationships in college are stupid, they never last, they're not worth it blah blah blah. I believed them, but I also thought I loved this girl. Everything about her. I'd really have to nitpick bad things about her. The general consensus about her is that she is awesome, really. As the relationship went on I began to think more and more of being tied down. I don't know why I just wasn't happy with her. She was a great girlfriend by all means, I had nothing to complain about. Hottest girl I knew (small private college), great in bed, totally in love with me, and just a good fucking person. And then I broke her heart. Ripped it out and shit on it. We had been getting in fight because I wanted to spend more time with my friends than her (like getting high with my friends is better? wtf is wrong with me?). We had small fights but always talked them out very well, but I never let her know how I truly felt about being tied down because the feeling always came and went after I reassured myself how happy I was. Anyways, we got in a fight about hanging out and I went to a friends to do a bottle (fifth of vodka) race between teams. I went out to a bar and some slut started talking to me, I told her I had a gf but she said she wouldn't tell. I brought her back, kissed her, she went down on me for a bit and I tried to have sex with her. It didn't go in at first, and right then, for some reason only then, did I realize what the fuck was I doing? And I stopped everything immediately and walked her back. The next day I felt so guilty. It crippled me, I didn't get to see her but I talked to my gf and told her how sorry I was about the fight and made plans to make it up. The next day I went over to her house and she knew something was wrong with the way I felt. I let it out told her. But I lied. I said we just made out. Over the course of the next two days she got everything out of me. We tried to fix it. But I hated myself so much for what I did, I still partly do. I hated myself so much that I couldn't show her how much I loved her. Little things kept happening that kept reopening her wounds. I couldn't forgive myself to be able to get her forgiveness. I failed. She broke up with me. And now its been 5 weeks of going through the phases of a break up. Numbness, torturous pain, panic, and hopefully I'm on the accepting and forgiving myself part now. It's a slow process. She told me doesn't want me back and to stop contacting her. That was a week ago. Through my admittedly creepy, pathetic fb stalking of her, I can tell she's flirting with another guy. But I guess it's alright, from all the pain I caused her I just want her to be happy. I know him too, a good guy by all means. Fuck that sucks. Fuck him. Fuck me, actually. It sucks so much. We were really a great couple, but I fucking blindsided her with his and dragged her through an emotional roller coaster over and over again. I can't blame her. I'd do the same thing if I was her. I couldn't fix my problems. I think she knows how sorry I am, but she has to move on from me. She needs to be happy, and I can't give that to her anymore. I know from what I've read the best way to get over someone is to have zero contact with them. Since I think she's moved on, it's best I do too. It's just really fucking hard the first time around. To any Idiots who reads this feel free to let me know how dumb I am for ruining an amazing relationship with my first girlfriend. Man, that kind of makes me feel like a pussy. I just needed to write it down somewhere, maybe I'll get some good advice or at least a laugh from someone.
Rant: Had to get up at 5:25 a.m. I hate getting out of bed pre-7a.m. But I did it. And I brushed my teeth and I came to work...as I was walking up to our door, I saw something glittering on the ground. "Huh. Guess that storm last night blew some...hail...shit." Someone had broken into the building, again, and it was 5:45 a.m. and dark and I was by myself. 911, The Guy, and The Boss were all called while my clients trickled in and I had to tell them their workout was canceled. 193.00 to replace the door later, we figure out that the only thing the rat bastard who broke in took was $9.35 worth of change we had at the front. Fucking assclowns.
Rant: Another day spent navigating the soul-crushing vortex of inanity known as my job. And there is no end in sight. I have to figure out what else to do with my life. Unfortunately, I can't think of a damn thing that I would be good at that would provide me with a) a decent salary and b) even a modicum of joy. And I would sacrifice either of those for the other at this point, but that doesn't seem possible.
Rant: US Economic History exam tomorrow. Two essay questions. My professor promised us a review for the exam where he would discuss what was on the exam. What was the review session? "I know you can't possibly memorize and know all the information we covered (Economic History from the formation of the country until the Civil War). The two questions will be over two topics that are long enough for you to write for about 40 minutes each, but not something so broad that you can't possibly answer it in the given time." He told us nothing about the exam. Not a fucking thing. That applies to every single thing we went over so far. Then some people asked questions to try to narrow it down: Student: "So, can you give us any areas to focus on?" Professor: "Sure, how about economic growth between the formation of the country and the Civil War. Look at Slavery, immigration, westward expansion, the formation of the transportation system such as railroads and canals, the growth of agriculture, the contrast between northern and southern agriculture, the growth of Industry through the Industrial revolution, the development of the banking system and the gold standard, and the development of the financial system and international trade." ...yeah, that narrows it the fuck down. That is, literally, everything we covered. He went out of his way to be as vague and humanly possible. Look, I get it. You want us to know the material we were taught during the first few weeks of class. However, don't tell us you're going to help us "review" and then give us some vague lines of meaningless bullshit. Don't just say it is two essay questions, and let us go. Also, don't say "I understand you can't possibly know everything, but for this test, know everything." Rave: It is only the first exam, so if I don't do well (and honestly, I can't see myself ever getting lower than a C, as I know most of the stuff really well, but I am weak in some areas, and cramming isn't helping) I can pull it back up with the other two exams and the paper.
RANT: Sunburnt from the tanning bed. RAVE: Skyping with the lady friend about sexy things she can do for me. Suggestions anyone? EDIT: Sexy things in general...not just on skype.
Rave: Great vacation... Rant: ...that ends tomorrow. Obscenely early tomorrow. Back to -30*C. *sigh* Ravt: Bought so much stuff that I had to buy a second suitcase for it. Rave: Am under my duty allotment prescribed by the Canadian government. Those bloodsuckers won't get any of my money in duty.
I have nothing against the guy, but if Bourbondownthehouse and I ever disagree about anything ever, I have a trump card. RANT: I live in Connecticut. Fuck.
Rant: Heart feels like it's been kicked in the balls Rant: Ranting on here because the entirety of my emotional support system was her and her best friend
Follow-up rant: Apparently, my friend was shot by his ex-wife in an attempted "death-by-ex" maneuver. Several of the people I spoke with yesterday told me that he had been depressed for a few months, his drinking had escalated (which foiled his attempts at reconciliation with the ex), so he got drunk Saturday, went to her house with a pistol (knowing that she has a handgun in nearly every room in the house) and started threatening her. She managed to get hold of one of her guns, they exchanged fire, he shot her in the leg and she put 4 bullets into him. Both kids were in the house at the time. He's still in critical condition and is being charged with aggravated assault which in Texas carries a sentence of anywhere from 5 years to life. Given a firearm was involved and children were in the house, if he survives, he's looking at a pretty long prison stretch. What really pisses me off is, of those who have been around him in recent months and knew about his depression, not one of them did a damn thing to even try to get him some help.
RAVE: New stereo, harness, and dash adapter to replace the ones that got swiped out of my truck are all ordered and on brown trucks! Should have it all by this weekend. RANT: Still don't have the truck actually running right. Can't diagnose the miss. Gonna have to suck up my pride and take it to a shop today.
Rant/Rave: So, yesterday I received this awesome nomination to attend the International Scholar Laureate Program this summer in my choice of the US, China, or Australia...and the deadline to RSVP is today. So no time to prepare for the $3,200 the program costs to go. This is simultaneously the best and worst thing to happen to me. I plan to make some phone calls to find out more information about this, since I've never even heard of the program, and possibly get an extension due to extenuating circumstances (the invitation was sent a month and a half ago to my parents' address in Japan en route to me). Can anyone chime in on if I'm dealing with a legitimate opportunity I'd be remiss not to take on, or if it's just a load of shit? I've literally never heard of the program and it all sounds a bit too good to be true. Especially for $3k.
Rant: Just finished the US Econ History exam. It is the first test I've ever taken where I was the last person to finish the exam. We get there, and I'm expecting two broad questions covering what we learned, as that was what I was led to believe from his review. He hands us a paper with eight questions and tells us to answer two of them. They are basically "describe in detail what _____ was about," and you can fill in the blank with the titles of one of the chapters we covered. So, essentially, I went into the exam studying for and expecting to have to know in a broad and general sense what happened. Instead, he wanted a lot of detail about certain subjects. It was almost the exact opposite of what he said he was going to do. I just picked the two topics that I knew the most about and wrote as much as I possibly could about both of them, bringing other topics into it as I could. Basically, I took the "write as much as humanly possible and hope that what he wants is in there somewhere" approach. I'll probably walk away with a B, and I can live with that for the first exam. Rave: Now I know what to expect, and I know that I can narrow my focus in my studying for the next exam. I'll just pick three or four chapters and really focus on studying the fuck out of them. Rant: Three hours of intermediate microeconomics tonight. Three hours is a long time to listen to a guy berate the class for not doing well enough on the test because they are unprepared. A little back story (spoilered for anyone who doesn't care about asshole college students and asshole college professors fighting): Spoiler One of the guys in the class (who happens to also be in the US Economic history class with me) took this professor last semester for intermediate Macroeconomics and got a C. He proceeded to contest the grade and bitch slap the professor on all of his course evaluations, going so far as to complain to the dean of students. The professor knows this, and is constantly lecturing the entire class about how it is important to show up to class and study and pay attention and not blame the professor if your grade is shitty. He has to lecture the entire class on this subject because he can't just call this kid out, because then the kid would go right back and bitch MORE about the professor to the heads of the department. Now, here is the thing: I see this kid in two classes. This kid never has a book, never has paper, never has a pencil or pen, doesn't even bring a book bag so it at least LOOKS like he might own that stuff. He literally spends his entire class surfing the internet and texting on his iPhone. He doesn't try to hide this fact, either. He sits, front row, dead center, with his phone out and in front of his face. Not in his lab or on the table. Nope, not obvious enough. His elbows are on the table, and the phone is up for anyone to see. I sit behind him and to the left, and I can clearly see him surfing the net, texting, and playing angry birds. If any professor ever calls on him, he just says "no." That is his answer to every question, because he isn't paying attention and doesn't give a fuck. At first, I thought it was just in my Microeconomics class, and he was doing it because he hated the professor. At least I might be able to possibly understand that. My Mirco teacher teaches straight from the book, pulls questions straight from the book, and going to class isn't that necessary if you're good at math and economics, as you can probably teach yourself from the book. However, I noticed him doing the exact same thing in US Economic history, too. The difference is, in Econ History, he at least has the courtesy to sit in the back of the classroom while texting and bullshitting. Plus, you NEED to pay attention and take notes in Econ History, as that course is hard and you don't know where to focus your studying without paying attention at least a little. So basically, this kid is a giant fucking asshole with no regard for any kind of common courtesy, and who got a shitty grade in a class that he probably deserved (if he acted like this last semester, I can't see how he even passed). He got all butthurt about it, started complaining to anyone that would listen, and now he is back in class with the professor and continuing to be a giant asshole. The professor is clearly getting pissed at this kid, but KNOWS that this kid will complain and give him more trouble if he calls the asshole out on his behavior, so instead he calls the entire class out and spends 45 minutes of a 3 hour class yelling at us that we don't pay attention because what he really wants to do is grab this fucker's phone and hurl it out the window, but he knows he can't, so the whole class has to deal with the bullshit. In summary: fuck all of you self-entitled little college twats who think that just showing up to class is enough to earn you an A. If you show up to class and play on your phone the entire time and completely ignore the teacher, and you get a C, maybe you should look in a mirror instead of blaming the teacher for your failure to do anything resembling work. And professors? Sack up and tell those kids to get the fuck out if they don't care. Instead of berating an entire class because one kid is being a dick, how about you yell at the kid being a dick? Rave: 5 hour energy shots are giving me the energy to rant and be pissed again. I've just been bored and aloof recently.
Rave: I get to leave the office for 1/2 a day the next 2 days to attend some seminar put on by Marriott to explain their new lobby concept. Rant: I have to take notes. Rave: Here's to hoping there will be hot chicks there.
RANT: I've got "Happiness" by Alexis Jordan stuck in my head on perpetual repeat, and I like it. I'm not even in a puppy dog bliss state. RAVE:.... but I can tell myself it's because the beats are by Deadmau5, and that (nearly) makes it all better.
Rave: My second week of the new job, working in a warehouse, is going well. Rant: I got a call today from a beer distributor that I applied to, and they want to interview me for a job as a route assistant. Why do all of the opportunities for job interviews always come at once? The beer job pays more, so I don't know what to do. Rave: I have to admit that Domino's new style of pizza is pretty damn good. Rant: Yet another Blockbuster in my city is closing down, and this time it is the one that I usually go to. It makes me kind of sad.