The 2nd Annual Christmas & New Years Drunk Thread 2010! NSFW

Nigel Tufnel, the FAKE guitar player from Spinal Tap played a solo using a violin as a pick, as well as tennis balls and his feet. Beat that shit.

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Oh, and Horseshoes.

And don't forget the nerf dart gun...

 

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=24419&title=the-playa-haters-ball" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/ind ... aters-ball</a>

For the haters...

 

One of my favorite lines at work is, "I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you, and nobody else but you."

 

Histlrt club and let all get ducked up and see some tittays!!

 

"Now there's a man I'd hate to fight. She wears underwear with dick holes in 'em!"

 

I'm actually pretty drunk right now. Just got home from the "trendy bar" that I was dreading going to, turns out it was a pretty fun place. Can't argue with a bar that has an excellent selection of beers on tap. Of course the "Snuggy Bar Crawl" that was going on tonight was pretty fucked up though.

Anyway, I'm drunk. Working on getting The Girlfriend to come over after she gets off work (managing a major retail store 7 days before Christmas is apparently hell) so she can come give me the sexy time.

Huzzah.

 

Ladies and gentleman, I swear to god and my life I just got offered $16,000 to have a dude suck my d. I obviously turned how down, but I got him to bump his offer from 4 to 16k by refusing his continuous offers. New Orleans is that's fucked up.

 

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? GO BACK AND DO THAT SHIT.

 

Well let's get this thread up to last year's standard. I'm fucking hammered. Let's have a conversation.

 

Mr weelz, yes I can see how this is a tempting offer, almost too good to be true. BUT it was a guy, and I have too much pride. But fucking a, $16,000!!!! What would you guys do? 100% honestly. Some dude offered to suck your d for 16k. Is that enough money to justify a dude slobbing your knob?

I'm not gonna lie, I thought about it, and $16,000 cash would be an awesome thing to hold in my hand, but there was no way I could justify that. I can't explain it.

 

Jesus, man. Have you no imagination at all? Just do like I did with my ex-cellmate: close your eyes and pretend it's the baby-sitter.

However, what if he stiffs you (whoops pun)? I mean, who would you tell? And why did he offer to suck YOUR dick? I mean, I'm kind of a stranger to the gay sex thing, but it sounds like he would get a lot more out of it if YOU were driving.

..and if you guys want guitar playing, look no further....

...how it makes it look that easy is beyond me.

 

Whatever. As long as the therapy you'd need costs less than $16K, you're up a blowjob and some serious walking around money. Plus, it'd be worth it to see if men really do give better blowjobs than women.

I've just thought about this some more and I would be far more hesitant to say yes if he had facial hair and big, rough hands. Would make it much harder to at least shut my eyes and pretend it was a woman.

 

... except that if you had gone through with it, you'd always know that you let some dude suck you off for $16k - you'd never be able to forget that kind of shit. Tainted money wouldn't help, unless it was something ridiculous like $1 billion. Eventually, someone else would find out - they ALWAYS do - at least with $1 billion you could have that person disappear with no trace and thus keep your secret. You made the right choice.

It is so unbearably humid that I'm going to have a beer. Later, kids.

 

Umm.. a billion? I think even for a cool million or less I would have no issue with violating my hetero ways for said task. Really? A billion? And by the way,( no offense) you're not exactly the go-to pro on this subject.

ME: Yes, I let a guy suck my dick for a million dollars
HIM: Ha Ha! GAY!!!!!
ME: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm hopping in this limo with these hookers to do blow off their ass cracks to push out that small memeory. Good day.

And now, The King:

 

So we can take this to mean that you will now accept it if we send you a dude instead?

 

GF is moved in, the apartment is still a disaster and her cleaning OCD has been running wild. I had to get her to start drinking at 2PM yesterday and I've been shoving mimosas down her throat since nine in the morning. As long as I can keep her drunk and calm until tomorrow morning I'll be in the clear, go me.

It's only gay if you enjoy it, if you knew for sure he would have paid up it would have been worth it. I doubt you would have gotten the money though.

 

If I could get the 16k in my hand before the blowie, I'd let a midget dressed like a rodeo clown suck my dick. It's all about getting the money first. You can drink the pain and memory away.

 

Didn't realize my rum-fueled comment about this year's drunk thread vs. last year's drunk thread would generate so many responses. It was mostly tongue-in-cheek. I was pregaming and no one was here to entertain me. I fully realize that this thread won't really blossom until Dec. 23-ish.

Also,

TIM TEBOW TIM TEBOW TIM TEBOW TIM TEBOW MOTHERFUCKERS

 

So what would the strategy be with that? I know most would be tempted to get wasted before so the memories would be really really fuzzy (or even absent if you got drunk enough). But on the flip side, I guess the ordeal would take much longer the drunker you were.

 

I hung out here in this thread last weekend and had a nice time. Maybe my bar is set quite low though.

Well, I am off work this year so I'll plan on logging in on the 23rd and actually attempt a give and take conversation to represent the females until some lesbian scares me away.