About died, just reading that at home. But.. Rant: I would've made a terrible mess on whatever machine I was on at that time, had I saw that in person.
Rant: I was upstairs on the computer today and my roommate was downstairs making his lunch for work. All of a sudden I am smelling something awful and as I head downstairs it is getting worse. When I hit the kitchen the smell is making me gag. As I ask what the fuck he is cooking I get a full blast of the smell and have to run out the back door and proceed to vomit from the smell. Now I have never puked from a smell before. I have had to clean up work bathrooms twice covered in shit. Once from a 90 year old man who got shit over everything. Another time from a woman who didn't sit down when she shat and I had to pick up her shit with no gloves and nothing but paper towels (I worked with all women, they wouldn't do it). Both times I just gagged. What was it that caused me to puke, him frying SPAM. I have never smelled anything like that before, it was like he was frying dirty assholes. It was 50 degrees out and I opened every window and sprayed a third of a bottle of Fabreeze. I could still smell it so I went and bought a Yankee Candle. It took 3 hours but I finally got rid of that fucking smell. If I ever see a can of that shit again I am tossing it.
Rave! The family is gone and I'm again free to do whatever the fuck crosses my mind. I've been stomping around pissed off and sober for damn near two weeks, but this evening something clicked and I'm back to my dumb assed self. No, I didn't tear the heads off of baby ducks. I'm much more creative then that. I took a dry cleaning bag, sealed the top together with an iron, attached a small wood platform to it with fishing line and secured 4 candles to the platform, basically creating a mini hot air balloon. I launched the thing and watched it go higher and higher....after about 15 minutes it was a huge glowing orb in the sky that if I didn't know what it was would kind of freak me out if I saw it. I eagerly await to hear all the stories about the UFO over the area that will be making the rounds the next few days. Shit like this is big news and word gets around quick in a small town. I just peeked out the door and it's still up there (I'm guessing about 1000-1500 feet in the sky), the light from the candles actually illuminate the entire bag making it appear to be rather voluminous. Jesus. Maybe I need to look into moving back to civilization if this is how I amuse myself. Aw fuck it, this would be amusing even if I did it in a city....doing it amongst a bunch of hillbillies just makes it that much funnier.
Rave: I was so excited this weekend when I went shopping for food and saw this on the shelf: I thought to myself Oh my god, I love Boyardee! Oh my god! I love mac and cheese! O JESUS "TITTYFUCKING-TITS-ON-A-STICK" CHRIST THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING!!!!!! Rant: Then i tried it. Jesus could tittyfuck all the tits on every stick on earth and this crap would still be inedible. This is the first time I've ever eaten something and honestly questioned whether or not the can was mislabeled. However, in a way I'm actually a little bit excited because I can now quote Douglas Adams in an accurate description of real life. I opened the can and expected to get macaroni and cheese, or at the worst shitty macaroni and cheese. What I got was a substance that was "almost, but not quite, entirely unlike" macaroni and cheese. The noodles were the same so-so noodles you get in any can of Boyardee, but the sauce, oh god the sauce. It's like someone managed to somehow combine a vague smell of cheese with the overwhelming flavor of tastelessness and watery cat puke. Holy fuck. I've never struggled so hard to eat a portion so small while so hungry. I wanted to gouge out my tongue and put it aside for the duration of the meal just so I could get something in my stomach without wanting to die with each bite. Rant: I bought 3 cans of this fucking shit. Rant?Rave? Turns out whatever chemical they use to give this tasteless crap its "Real Cheddar Flavor!" is utterly and completely indigestible. This bodes badly for my opinion of the health value of ingesting what must be one hell of a massive artificial chemical compound. Ironically, after digesting and absorbing all the actual digestible material, the remaining material smells more like real cheese than what came out of the can. And it's intense. Intensely cheesy. Like a-dairy-farmer-had-a-wet-dream-about-his-most-svelte-milkmaid-and-woke-up-hugging-a-hunk-of-solid-sharp-cheddar-the-size-and-shape-of-his-wife-and-reeking-just-as-strongly-all-day-because-of-it cheesy. Yeah. I don't know whether this is a nauseating note on the probable detrimental effects of eating such a concoction of noxious chemicals, or an awesome party trick to save for a cheese festival someplace. They should sell that compound by itself, at least then they wouldn't have to lie to people about it being edible. I have a dream! A dream where every bathroom in this fine nation smells like the inside of a cheese sandwich. Rave: I've discovered a new acronym to throw casually into conversation "RYSWAGSUYCMMMBMICISNMIMDNCBGIDUFEYWCDCHTTLAHOAVAUA"
Rant: It's 1230 and I'm typing a paper that isn't due until Tuesday. Thanks to my fuckhead physics teacher all of our term papers are now "group papers". Fan-fucking-tastic, this means I'm here typing away at something that isn't due for another week so my group can look at this shit tomorrow morning. This brought to you by the same teacher who "Just can't figure out why midterm score averages in my class are so low!" 57% as a class average; yeah that's not just low, that's you as a teacher and a human being suck at life. Go back to your lab and roll balls down a ramp or some shit until you figure out how to communicate with humans on an acceptable level. RAVE: I bought my girlfriend a kitten for her birthday. Who knew that a $10 ball of fur a claws could = guaranteed blowjobs. Women are crazy.
Rant: My brother joined facebook. Fuck. I was annoyed when my parents joined, because I don't necessarily want them to be all over my shit, but now my little brother? Fuck. Let me try and illustrate the running dynamic we've got going. He bugs the hell out of me with incessant questions about topics I believe to be totally irrelevant to any immediate use and due to some weird combination of: sibling rivalry, my inherent superiority complex to him, a desire to outwit and display superior intelligence, and an unfailing refusal to fall into the despicable realm of illogical argument I attempt to gun down his arguments, whether they be logical or illogical, with carefully thought out logical rebuttals. He responds in kind. These arguments happen at lightning pace and turn into all-out intellectual dogfights that occur wherever we happen to be to the amusement of bewildered spectators. I've never met anyone else I can argue this intensely, intellectually, and for such sustained periods at a time. It's a truly unique situation. This is only sometimes as awesomely Greek-philosopher-esque as it sounds. Unfortunately, now he's on facebook so now I have no reprieve from such arguments. Also since they are now written and nonverbal it takes a lot longer to type than to say and I wind up wasting even more time than I would in person. Also less people witness the real thing up close and personal, so it's less impressive and just looks like two nerds arguing on the internet. For example, here's our first facebook argument, started by his status update: Spoiler Bro: I have never understood what the purpose of morals are. The obvious ones are instinct to prevent decimation of a species, like morality against murder and cannibalism. Some of them seem to be rooted in personal beliefs instead of instinct, and it is these that I do not understand. (Indecency, Profanity, etc) Allord: Instinct to prevent decimation, such as cannibalism and murder? The animal kingdom is rife with cannibalism, and cannibalism is usually an event that follows a murder. The line where animal instinct and human social conditioning lies to determine why we follow the rules we do is a blurry one indeed. Morality is fairly arbitrary in many senses, except for the fact that whoever is writing the morals is writing them for their own interests, whether consciously or unconsciously. This is why some morals seem so arbitrary, because they are culturally and perspective based on the person writing them. You can also explain classism in a similar way since classism is just the projection of the perspective of the rich, and therefore enabled, to express and enforce their opinion using their power in society to give their arguments disproportional weight.... Read More You don't see many hobos setting national policy to reflect their own wants and desires. If anything it's always through an intermediary rich person who feels sympathetic. Bro: So they are instead suited to fulfill personal wants or the society? But then where do these wants come from? These are unneeded for the progression of society, so why do they have any influence at all? Classism has obvious power justification: The development of trade elevated one group above another, to letting them use their aquired wealth to buy power, status, and luxury. Allord: They are to fulfill the personal wants of the person at the particular slice of time he inhabits, and each slice of time has a different social climate, as a whole and for him personally, just like each different place does. The particular moral you're looking at is an external expression of an amalgam of whatever the original progenitor's personal perspective was, which was based on own social conditioning which is based upon the time and the place that he inhabits as well as the particular experiences unique to him. The way that morals change over time is subject to unique variations of these factors affecting either other, or the same person, to such a degree that they feel they must alter or abolish said morals to fit their perception of reality as it should be. If enough like-minded people think and behave the same way, then that particular society as a whole will change to fit this perception gear shift.... Read More The wants can come from either visceral or cultural origins or both. You're hungry, you want food. You don't want monkey brain soup. Despite the fact that it would fill you up quite well and meets the visceral requirement of ending your hunger, it doesn't meet the cultural requirement of "this is something I'm accustomed to eating and is a familiar food I enjoy". Whether or not they have any influence on the progression of society is very different from whether or not the progenitor THOUGHT they would. Or maybe he didn't care about society, maybe he just became irritated by the exclamation of profanity by people poorer than him that he could use his wealth to change. The motivation depends on the situation and is not universal, but is crucial to understand if you are truly interested in knowing the reasons why we have the morals and laws we have. Neither of us are qualified in any capacity to speak on the subject of philosophy, but that never stopped us before. Other topics of interest are biology, history, space exploration, the proper way to prepare breakfast, and the advantages of wearing underwear. Each is argued with the same level of scientific fervor. This is exactly the kind of conversation we have while driving to the grocery store, while picking out food, while waiting in line, while paying the cashier, while walking back to the car, and then finally concluding when one of us has to go to the bathroom after arriving at home. Then a different argument heats up. God help us all. Edit: Some other subjects that have come up in the past have been aerodynamics, car design, speculation on the mechanism behind cotton candy formation, speculation on the manufacture of oreos, and many different debates on the nature of the universe.
Rant: This week keeps on giving. I got into my car this morning fully expecting to go to work. I pushed my clutch down, fully expecting resistance. No resistance. I'm 99% sure I have to replace my goddamned clutch line. It's too fucking dark out right now for me to do this. Seriously, fuck this shit. I've fucking had it with November. I'm praying my work hasn't had it with me. Rant: Two posts in as many days is really pissing me off. small Rave: Chase was nice enough to refund an overdraft fee because I went .47 in the hole. RANT: NOW I GET TO FUCKING SPEND IT ON A GODDAMNED CLUTCH LINE!
Rave: last exam of my final year of engineering. I had already passed the course so I didn't have to do anything. I even got drunk before the exam. Rave: still drunk from after the exam Rave: dress-ups for the exam involved me being "blossom" of the powerpuff girls (Im a guy). It is true what they say: "you should do what you're afraid of". New found confidence etc. Rave: A powerpuff girls outfit is a total chick magnet. Rave: still drunk Rant: my motherfucking piece of shit car broke down on the way to the exam and I have no idea how I'm going to recover it tomorrow. Rant: Have to work in approximately 6 hours. No way to get to work without my car. Rave: still drunk! yay!
Rave: I plan on starting the heavy drinking at 3:00 with my friends after I pass my last fucking PJ PAST test. 4 day weekend here I come.
Rant: I have 2 (20 pages each) papers,2 reviews, a case study and a final all due in the next 2-3 weeks. Only the papers and the final are going to be super bad, but still this is not looking good. What's worse is that this is all my fault. Like 100%. I shouldn't be procrastinating. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I've always been a procrastinator, but it's never been quite this bad. Maybe grad school is just harder, or maybe I'm burned out from school or maybe being home has thrown me off. I don't know. I do know it's my fault and I'm going to try to make it threw this semester the best I can, but who knows how this is going to turn out. Apologies for the lame post.
Rave: I graduated college so I don't have to worry about all the shit that frequents the rants posted lately. Rave: Sleep was blissful and I didn't have to work today. Rant: It's 3:24PM and I'm just waking up. Damn that OCD quirk to finish a book in one sitting. Rave: Hasenpheffer for supper.
Rant/ Rave: I realized my ex was a giant bitch at the same time I was watching Black Dynamite, so during the argument I referred to her as jive turkey and kept bringing up her allegiance to "the man." I think next time I'm going to recite passages from this. Rant: For real though I expected better out of her. Such is life but it does rather suck right now.
Rave: Will be making my (hopefully) triumphant return to the world of weightlifting later this evening. I used to lift religiously, but for some reason or another (I think a work/school/pot/surfing combination) I fell out of the routine and eventually stopped all together. Finally, after nigh a one year hiatus, I've decided to sack up and just do it. I have a schedule that allows me a decent amount of free time, and I live alone and am either bored or drinking in said free time. It's time to get back into a hobby that is beneficial to one's health. I look forward to being in immense pain tomorrow.
Rant: Tired as fuck. Downloaded Inglourious Basterds [rave] and loved it, but it kept me up past two in the morning when I had a full day of school today. Still 45 minutes before my last class of the day, which I am afraid of falling asleep in. Mega-Rave: I love weekends like this. Covering two fights in two days for the website I write for. Tomorrow, I will be headed to Oakland for the weigh-in for the first world title fight in the Bay Area in eight years. Oakland's very own Olympic Gold medalist Andre Ward takes his first shot at becoming a world champion when he takes on Mikkel Kessler Saturday night on Showtime as part of the Super Six World Boxing Classic. At the weigh-in I will be posing questions to both participants as well as their respective promoters. After that, I'm going to pay my grandmother a visit who lives in Oakland to kill some time before heading out to San Rafael for a club show featuring mostly six and four round fights. None of the people fighting are of the highest quality, but I have covered a few of these shows and they tend to churn out competitive fights that are fun to watch. I'll be handheld recording the bouts for my personal library. Saturday night is the big one, Ward-Kessler. To put into perspective how long the Bay Area has gone without a world title fight, the last one took place eight years ago in San Francisco. On that night, in two separate bouts, Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao defended titles. Mayweather defended his 130-pound title while Pacquiao was making a defense of his 122-pound title. The fact that we are talking about these two making the biggest fight in boxing history against each other at 147 pounds is just incredible. Fights like this are why you watch boxing. I expect it to be a tactical affair, but the crowd is going to be in full support of their local hero. On the undercard [the earlier fights of the night that are not televised], my friend Karim Mayfield [10 wins, 1 draw, no losses] will be rematching an opponent that he narrowly defeated last March named Francisco Santana [10 wins, 1 loss] over eight rounds. Karim will be headlining the show that I promote in February of next year. On top of that, there are two other prospects worth watching and I bet there will be a bunch of famous people ringside for the fight as well. Being able to sit in press row that close to the ring for fights like this is like nothing you can imagine. The anticipation is killing me!
Rave: 650 nm sailing race this weekend. Rant: The forcast is for pissing rain the whole time. Rant: Don't plan on getting much sleep over the next 2 nights, maybe 2-3 hours if I'm lucky. Rave: Beats renovating.
Rave: The world is just full of good people. It never ceases to amaze me. For the first time EVER I damaged the taillight/fender of someone's car a few weeks ago. I left a note on their windshield, knowing that I could just get taken for the cost. She phoned me today and said that the insurance company had quoted her an astronomical amount for the taillight. She took it to her regular mechanic, who also quoted her a high number. So she and her family went to a wreckers and found an old one and installed it themselves. I told her I was worried that I had scratched her fender, too, and she said they, "Weren't going to worry about that because you were so nice to leave your contact information." Total bill: less than $200. People rock.
Rant: School and work have been a nightmare lately. I need a break. Rave: My girl comes back next week. I can't wait.
Rave: Bought tickets to Steel Panther, and I'm really good friends with one of the opening bands. Only $25 after service charge too and it's at probably the best live venue in the city (The Commodore). Time to head to Value Village and pick up a mullet wig and some acid washed jeans. Bigger Rave: Sitting in the cafeteria in between classes today with my girlfriend, I check out the pre-sale for Motley Crue tickets, just for shits and giggles. I notice there's still decent floor seats available (Row 18). My girlfriend starts talking about how much she loves them. I say that I'm too broke to afford the tickets. She says that she'll pay for them, and it can be my birthday present. Biggest Rave: About 2 hours ago I get a call. Caller: Is this [Creelmania]? Me: Yes? This is Elena from The Fox. Do you have any plans this Saturday? I don't think so, why? How would you like two tickets to the Wolfmother show, plus a meet-and-greet for you with the band before the show? I normally would go to at least one concert a month, but since I started going to school last January, I had only been to 2, because I was short on cash. And in the past week, I got Kiss tickets (only $25 a piece, with service charge included), Steel Panther for cheap, Motley Crue as an early birthday present, and now won tickets to Wolfmother. I'm on a fucking roll.