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I'm frightened of any bird duck-size or larger. Though a bizarre set of coincidences, I had several very traumatic bird-related experiences as a...
I was actually thinking about this on my way to work this morning, and I'm glad of the chance to share. I would remake the Star Wars Prequels....
I was a Guido last year. Orange tan, pencil-thin douchebag beard, frosted tips, the works. Note the multiple popped collars. I think most of my...
"Jumped the Shark" is a reference to the moment a show stops being good, based on the famously crappy episode of Happy Days where the Fonz jumps...
This is both timely and unfortunate. A couple of weeks ago, I had a girl over for what we had agreed was a booty call. We've been friends for a...
I live in a city apartment now, but when I was a kid my family home was pretty far out in the woods. Growing up playing in the forest, even well...
These fucking cookies. I'm a security guard at a lab, where I was led to believe adults work. This morning, I arrive at work, sit at my desk, and...
That's a toughie. On the one hand I am wondering, "What the fuck? I don't think I even knew what a condom was at 12!" And on the other hand, they...
I can't handle Thanksgiving anymore. Thanksgiving of many years ago was the day it was announced that my little brother was brain-dead as a...
Had a blast reading all about Gorean culture on Wikipedia. Way to consume my whole workday, guys. FOCUS: You've mentioned that you'll...
I had a hard time convincing the girlfriend that pickles were just brine-treated cucumbers. Her: "Ugh. I always forget to ask for no pickles."...
Apparently I'll answer my phone and engage in conversation while asleep. A few nights past, I supposedly answered when the girlfriend called, told...
I notice that the more alcohol there is in my life, the less well I seem to be doing, despite their being no connection. 2009 New Year's Day:...
Why not place organ donors at the top of the recipient list? I may be cynical, but in my experience, once you can appeal to people's...
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD I've been saving some pretty terrible cheap gin for just this occasion. To my little sisters, it'll seem like I'm...
Oh boy. This is my place here. I am a security guard at an R&D lab in Connecticut. Of the perhaps twelve people who work here on three shifts,...
Mobster: Johnny Tight-Lips! Where'd they hit ya? Johnny Tight-Lips: I ain't sayin' nothin. Mobster: But what'll I tell the doctor? Johnny...
Can't use the YouTube because I'm at work, (blocked) but look up Clint Mansell's "Death is the road to Awe" from the move The Fountain. The...
Magneto. Yes, I know he's a comic book villain, but the first two X-Men films made him so much more impressive and villainous. (sp?) Reference...
I'd wander the world. I know it's gay but I watched The Beach with the girlfriend recently, and while the silly utopian island life seemed nice,...